A Beast's Heart (english version)

40.

I was sad when I came face to face with Margaret. At first she had been suspicious of me, but now I liked her very much. She had looked after me when Lorch beat me up and helped me with Lord Tywin and his fever. She seemed to me the closest ally here and now I had to part with her again too. Yes, the gods had a bloody bad sense of humour!
"Margaret, Lord Tywin wants to take me with him. I wanted to say goodbye to you and thank you again for helping me. I won't forget that!"
Margaret put her hand on my shoulder and I winced. She understood and withdrew her hand before eyeing me.
"Oh, you're welcome. So, Lord Tywin wants to take you with him yes?" she sounded dismayed, "Just watch your heart."
"What do you mean?", I retorted. Suddenly the old maid flinched and pulled me closer to her by the shoulders.
"It's not only hate that reigns in your heart, Lena. Listen carefully, something else exists too, I have seen it. Don't let it destroy you."
Before I could respond, Ser Alrik had stepped behind me.
"Lord Tywin wishes to depart."
He seemed impatient, for he simply pulled me with him.
"I will return one day!", I called out to her, but she just shook her head and disappeared behind the corner.
I didn't want to move with Lord Tywin, I wanted to stay here. I had got used to the smell and the company. But once again I seemed denied a sense of home. Anger flooded through me.
In the courtyard, Lord Tywin was already sitting in the saddle of his white horse, his bannermen around him. Beside his horse stood a slightly smaller one, a young chestnut.
"I suppose you can't ride so well on your own yet, so you keep beside me," the lord explained. Before I knew it, Ser Alrik was lifting me into the saddle. I had never sat on a horse before, I felt uncomfortable.
"Watch how I hold the reins," Lord Tywin explained, "Hold them the same way. That's it."
The halters of the two animals were tied together by a rope, so escape would have been impossible for me.
"Let's go!" the lion suddenly shouted loudly and the horses started moving with a snort. I sat rigidly staring at my hands, which were tightly gripping the reins. I hardly noticed what was happening around me. I kept myself trembling in the saddle and concentrated only on my horse.
Only when we had been riding for quite a while did I dare to lift my eyes. Dusk was slowly setting in and as I cautiously turned around, Harrenhal was getting smaller behind us. It seemed as if the Redcoats were forming a long line, marching in single file, spears and shields in their hands. Everywhere I looked, the golden lion on a red background towered towards me, its mouth open in an eternal roar. I felt a growing stabbing pain in my head the longer I saw that crest. So I simply fixed my gaze straight ahead. Whenever I briefly squinted to the right, I saw Tywin looking just as fixedly straight ahead, as if he could already see his target directly in front of us. He looked serious, but no one knew him otherwise. We were silent all the time, only the sounds of soldiers and horses could be heard.
As night fell, we entered the part of the country that I never wanted to enter again. Maiden Pool was not far away, nor was the market place. For many years the place of my nightmares. But even though I actually resisted it, I increasingly felt the urge to enter the square. To make my way to this one particular tavern. And before I knew it, I was directing my gaze at the lion to my right.
"Lord Tywin, I...have a question..."
At first he gave me a sideways glance. Then he turned his head towards me and looked at me questioningly.
"So, you have a question. Ask it to me, I'm curious."
Suddenly I felt extremely uncomfortable. The longer I looked into his curiously twinkling blue eyes, the more uneasy I seemed to become. Finally, I gave myself a jolt. It was only a simple question, what could happen? Well, it was Lord Tywin I was asking. Anything could happen.
"Well, I-I had wondered if...if I might ride to the marketplace near here for a moment..."
"Why would I allow that?"
His expression was inscrutable. His voice was laced with suspicion, he didn't seem to blink once.
"I...this is a place of high importance to me," I reasoned quietly, noticing my voice breaking off. Embarrassed, I lowered my head and waited for him to say no. But to my amazement, his answer was different.
"Kevan, lead the troops, I need to see something."
"But isn't that what we have scouts for?" his brother retorted. Tywin looked impatient.
"Here on my left sits possibly the best scout as far as the Riverlands are concerned. Now lead the troops, we'll catch up with you again."
Kevan nodded, albeit uncomprehendingly, before Tywin thrust his heels into the side of his horse and I followed suit.
"I need you to lead me there, Lena. You know your way around here a lot better than I do."
I still knew the way perfectly well, as if I had never walked any other. The closer we got to our destination, the more I frowned. Images came back, different memories rushed at me. They crashed over me like waves and I needed my full concentration not to get lost in them.
We stopped at the edge of the market square. It seemed to be deserted, not a soul was to be seen. Only in the small houses on the outskirts were lights burning in the windows, somewhat illuminating the sandy ground at our feet. I got off my horse and gulped....