A Beast's Heart (english version)

50.

"So she's the reason you've delayed your official appointment to the Hand for so long? The battle was two days ago."
"So be it, then the king has enough time to recover from his terrible battle."
I could clearly hear Tywin's bitter undertone as I awoke. But the woman's voice was unfamiliar to me.
"What was I supposed to do? Leave him out there to die? I didn't expect you to come yet!"
"And that's one of the reasons for why I distrust you. Now go, she needs rest. And you certainly still have your hands full cleaning up the mess."
I heard first the door, then footsteps coming closer. Tywin had his own way of walking, I had noticed that on Harrenhal. He didn't stomp, but he didn't walk completely silently either. He always walked gracefully and if I was honest with myself, I liked the way he walked.
"How long have you been awake again?" he asked and I could hear a slight smile in his voice. When I opened my eyes, he was just taking a seat on a chair at the headboard to my right, behind him I could see a blue sky through the small window. In fact, the lion was looking at me with a little smirk. I finally felt strength in my limbs again and raised my arm to brush my fingers almost tenderly across Tywin's cheek.
"Long enough to wonder who you distrust so much, my lord."
He sighed softly.
"That was my daughter Cersei, the queen."
I snorted in amusement.
"I suppose my court curtsy is still too bad."
"That should be the least of our worries. And call me Tywin already!"
He stood up and paced back and forth, hands clasped behind his back.
"Sit back down, please, Tywin. You're making me all nervous."
He really did, but not just with his pacing. No, his entire presence made me nervous and had done so for some time, I now admitted to myself. And now that we were here together and my thoughts were only about him, wishes came up in me. Wishes that I had always violently repressed until then. I no longer wanted to lie here, I wanted to be in his arms. I wanted to feel that feeling of warmth, wanted to hug him and thank him a thousand times for saving me. But I knew that would still be a hard job, I didn't really let him touch me when I was fully conscious.
He sat back down on the chair and I looked at him silently. Now that my anger had faded and the hatred had dissipated, I looked at him from a different angle. He was still incredibly handsome for his age, I couldn't help but notice.
"Are you dreaming?"
He waved his hand in front of my face and I shook my head.
"When am I going to be allowed to leave here? It smells awful here and it's cold too!"
"Soon you will be allowed out of here when your fever is completely gone."
We both paused for a moment, looking at each other for a long time.
"And where will I go then?", I asked quietly into the rising silence. From outside I heard the cry of seagulls.
"I don't know," Tywin replied quietly with a painfully bitter undertone, "You are no longer under my command. That's what we had established, wasn't it?"
"I had determined for myself then, too, to see you dead, and now look what has come of it! In your place I lie here curing wound fever while my left side hopefully heals properly."
"It does, don't worry," suddenly croaked the old voice I had heard before. It belonged to the old man with the long beard and the thick big chain around his shoulders. He found himself to my left and sickening stench spread. I stifled a retch and briefly looked helplessly at Tywin.
"Don't be afraid, Lena. This is Grandmaester Pycelle. He saved you from death."
Him? That's who had his filthy hands on my bloody side? As far as I was able, I slowly straightened up.
"Lena, that's not a good idea..." began Pycelle, his voice softening as he looked at Tywin. I pulled myself up by the lion's shoulder, tugged a little at my shirt and then critically examined the scar on my side. It was still glowing red and had been properly stitched. Somewhat reassured, I looked to Tywin.
"Do you mind if I get up? I need some fresh air."
He understood the allusion and looked questioningly at Pycelle. The Grand Maester considered, then nodded.
"No climbing stairs and no running. She must only take small steps or else-"
"Tear the stitches, I know," I finished his sentence and slowly let my legs slide off the cot. Very slowly the feeling returned to them, I had to hold onto Tywin to keep from falling over immediately.
"We've played this game before, remember?" he whispered in my ear as he supported me. Of course I remembered!
"She can go back to a normal room then too.... If she stays here.", Pycelle explained and Tywin nodded.
"Understood."
Slowly and very patiently he led me outside, holding me close to him. I was shaking, but I pulled myself together. Without him, I would have been long gone.
"Are you cold? You're shivering like that," he remarked as we walked through a corridor to a gate. Here the air was immediately much more pleasant.
"I...it's unusual for someone to get this close to me."
"And that means what for me now, exactly? If I let go of you, you'll fall right down."
We passed through the gate and found ourselves behind the castle. I could see the sea and above us seagulls screeched in the salty air. We were alone here.
"If you let me go...I will not only fall, I will die."
He looked at me in shock and I couldn't suppress an amused snort.
"A strange irony, I know. Amusing, isn't it?"
"You...you mean...?"
I turned my head towards him, not much separating us. Slowly, I lost myself in his blue eyes and smiled what was possibly my most honest smile in years.
"If you still haven't noticed, then I don't know what else to do."
We sat down on a large stone. Or rather, he sat me down on the stone and squatted on the ground in the gravel in front of me. He suddenly became serious and looked at me for a long time. A sad mist settled into his gaze again.
"As much as I would like to let that happen.... I can't. You belong in freedom, not locked up by my side like a dog! I promised you and I'm keeping my promise!"
This was so unexpected that I could not say anything in reply. It was as if steel had been pressed into my body again, but this time into my heart. I saw him straighten up and lower his head.
"I will have a soldier called to you who will...who will then bring you back inside if you wish."
Without another word he walked briskly in, leaving me sitting there. What was going on all of a sudden? Why was he retreating again now? ...