Chapter 32

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As the aeroplane doors opened the uniquely Spanish scent bombarded my senses, I breathed in heavily and memories of my childhood flooded my brain. The colours, smells and sounds of these reminisces were so vivid I could almost touch them, I knew I was smiling as I thought of the endless days my family and I had spent on the beaches here, those glorious days when my greatest concern in life was whether one of the twins would steal a sneaky lick of my ice-cream or put sand in it. But that felt like a lifetime away now, so much had happened and I'd grown up quickly.

After my mum died we continued to vacation with my gran but my dad never returned with us, I asked my gran once why he didn't visit with us, I remember her sad smile as she told me it was just too painful for him. For all of us this was where are happiest memories were and for him the idea of making more without her was unthinkable.

As I stepped off the plane the heavy humid air clung to my skin and the heat in the slight breeze gently burned the back of my throat each time I inhaled. I squinted at the bright sun as I gingerly made my way down the metal plane stairs and on towards luggage collection.

It took me twenty minutes to recapture my bag from the unusually speedy carousel and make my way through passport control. All around me young families were bustling with parents organising their children and the kids trying their best to contain their excitement, it was only a matter of time before the anticipation got too much for them and they exploded. I smiled to myself thinking how my brothers and I must have driving my mum and dad bonkers with our abundance of energy and animation. The airport was always the most difficult part of the journey, as the beach and fun times were so close we were almost there, but the airport is the most boring place in the whole world, or so I thought back then, it was like a necessary purgatory before stepping through the pearly gets to heaven. Perhaps a slightly blasphemous analogy but to us the beach was our idea of heaven.

As I walked through the double doors towards the waiting holiday reps, chauffeurs and family members waiting to pick up their passengers and loved ones I could hear my gran long before I could see her.

"Alex, Alex" Finally I caught sight of her waving her arms frantically above her head, her beaming smiling filling her tanned, weather face.

As I reached her she threw her arms around me enthusiastically, holding me tightly to her, I could feel the warmth from her skin through my clothes and the smell of the clean out doors in her hair. After what seemed like an awful long time she pulled away from me, and whilst still holding onto my arms with her hands she looked me up and down, taking in my appearance.

"Well Alex it appears you got here just in the nick of time" I looked at her confused, "You look like shit, dear." My gran had never been one to mince her words, but I was rather taken aback as I knew this was the best I'd looked in weeks.

"And so skinny" she said as she held one of my arms up appraising it.

"Thanks gran, you've made me feel so much better now." My gran was the most honest person I had ever met, a little too honest some times.

"Well enough of this chit chat, the cars just over there" and she pointed to her beat up blue Volkswagen beetle. She'd had the car for as long as I could remember, and like her it never changed. We put my bags in the back and started the hour drive back to my gran's cottage.

The engine purred like new as she zipped up and down the country lanes she knew like the back of her hand, her familiarity to the roads encouraged her to drive WAY to fast and several times during the journey I gripped the door handle and closed my eyes, silently praying I wouldn't die in the next hour.

"Oh stop being such a girl" she scolded, "I've never had an accident, I'm an excellent driver and you need to live a little."

"It's a miracle you're still here, you not crashing is like me defying gravity." I observed.

"Oy cheeky" she said laughing.

In what seemed like record time we were pulling up outside her picturesque tiny cottage, the aesthetically perfect house was surrounded by a garden which was over flowing with beautiful and exquisite flowers. As I walked along the path towards the door their perfumed fragrance almost took my breath away, and as the breeze slowly passed over us I could make out their distinctive bouquets.

"Oh gran the garden is so beautiful this year" even through her tanned skin I could she her glow with the compliment.

"Yeah it's turned out pretty well, I've still got loads to do, and I was hoping you'd help me whilst you're here." Although she had phrased it as a request I instantly knew I'd be spending a lot of my time doing 'hard labour' out here.

I put my bags in my room and joined my gran in the garden for afternoon tea. For someone who had lived in Spain for such a long time she was still so English. Using the now antique set-tea her grandparents had bought as a wedding gift for their granddaughter and her new husband she poured the tea into the delicate cups. Offering me a neatly cut sandwich from the bottom layer of the tea stand before insisting I try a number of the tempting home baked cakes she'd obviously loving made this morning before my arrival.

She waited for me to start eating my second plateful of food before she interrupted the silence.

"So, we both know why you are here" my gran's ability to cut to the chase was a skill I wish I had inherited.

"So why don't you tell me all about it, and I mean everything." The warmth and genuine concern was evident in her face.

"I'm alright gran" I don't know why I bothered to lie I knew she would see right through it.

"Sure you are" raising an eyebrow as she spoke, "Look love, I know it hurts but talking about will help give you some perspective, your dad told me you've hardly said a word to anyone in weeks." I didn't answer I just lowered my head.

"Your dad and I love you Alex, we want to help you, so come on tell me all about it." She held my hand in hers to encourage me to start.

I eventually told her the whole sorry story, and even though I broke down crying a couple of times I left nothing out, she listened quietly until I was finished. Exhausted I sat quietly waiting for her to say something. I watched her whilst she was trying to find the perfect words for what she wanted to say, her keen sea blue eyes twitched with fire and life.

"So let me get this straight, these are the facts he had unprotected sex with his ex-girlfriend, and then split up with her the very next day, months later he find out she's pregnant with his baby, so now he's going to bring this child up with her." I nodded at her summation.

"I have to honest, I'm glad it's her and not you." Confused I stared at her. "Well I am! You've worked too hard to throw your life away now on a baby." I knew she was right.

"Listen Alex, he made a mistake, okay it was a really stupid thing to do but he's going to be paying for it for the rest of his life. Yeah he was a shit head..." hearing my gran swear always made me giggle.

"Oh sorry for swearing." She said putting her hand over her mouth, then laughing she continued.

"But he WAS a shit head for not telling you face to face, he took the cowards way out telling you over the phone, and I bet that will be the one decision he regrets the most. I'm not defending him but listening to you talking about the two of you I know he'll be as distraught as you are." I realised then I hadn't thought about Daniel's perspective, not once. I knew how devastating the news had been to me and to think of him feeling the same torment as I had experienced sent a surge of pain to my chest, I looked at my gran tears streaming down my face.

"Oh Alex love, I'm not trying to make you feel worse but things aren't always black and white and you need to realise this. The pain from losing someone you love can be so overwhelming but to move on you need to be able to forgive them, because until you do you won't ever be happy." My gran wrapped her arms around me as I silently sobbed into her.

She stroked my hair and held me tightly as she quietly reassured me "In time everything will be alright, you'll see. But for now it's good for you to cry child, let it all out."

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