The Weekend - Completed

Chapter 28

Friday did come as did the next and the next, and with each weekend we spent together the closer we grew.

Yet again I was sat on the train on the way to Wrexham, since Easter Daniel and I hadn't spent a weekend apart. I was still wishing the week away and lamenting the haste of the weekend but at least I knew the summer was fast approaching, with only three weeks until my final exam of the year I smiled to myself as I thought of the long months we'd have ahead of us.

This was the last weekend we would be spending together until the exams were over, and although I knew it would be hard, I had to focus and do well in the exams. I knew my grades had started to slide since I'd met Daniel, so this was my last respite from studying until the summer break.

The train journey had been a blur; I was so preoccupied with my decision, I knew what I wanted, I knew I wanted to BE with Daniel in every way; I'd been thinking about it for a couple of weeks, every time we'd gotten close recently it had taken all my willpower to stop myself from ripping his clothes off. I suppose I could of just let things happen naturally but I wanted to make sure this was what I really wanted and not just my hormones taking control of me in the heat of the moment. But I'd thought about it and this was what I wanted so now all I had to do was let him know. Daniel had stuck to his word and despite the odd innuendo he had never seriously brought up the issue of us having sex, so I knew I would have to initiate the first move, the very thought made me feel nauseous, over and over in my head I'd thought about what I'd do and say.

I'd toyed with the idea of wearing something black, sexy and virtually see through then trying to seduce him, but I really wasn't that body confident and I'm pretty sure I don't have any sexy moves, so no that idea wouldn't work. I felt embarrassed just thinking about it, I knew my limitations and I was no 'femme fatale' so that was out of the question.

Then I thought about just discussing it like two mature adults, but what would I say I mean how would I start the conversation, would we be sat in the kitchen having a cup of tea and as he passes me the digestive biscuits I casually say 'So Daniel, this sex thing, thought I'd give it a whirl, okay with you?' Yeah that's not going to happen either.

My final idea was to just give him a condom, but after lying awake for several nights I decided that would probably be too subtle of a hint and he'd probably think I'd found it under his bed, then he'd explain it must have been there for ages, then I'd have to explain that it was mine and I was giving it to him, then we'd have to have the whole mature adult sex conversation I was so desperate to avoid. Dear God I feel sick again, at this rate I won't need to worry about broaching the subject at all because I'll be covered in hives or some kind of hideous rash brought on by nerves so he won't want to come near me anyway.

'Relax and breathe, just breathe' I told myself as I could feel a panic attack mounting. 'Perspective Alex, compose yourself girl' I closed my eyes and breathed heavily and slowly. I was getting myself into a state; I'd focused so much on how I was going to instigate our long awaited tryst as a means to divert my mind from the actual reason for my panicking. If truth be known I was afraid I'd be rubbish at it, yeah I'd seen Tina, and I bet she knew her way round the bedroom, no doubt he'd had the whole swinging from the chandeliers experience with her. Does anyone actually do that, or is it just something made up in movies? Anyway in my mind she was definitely a slapper, so if there was a chandelier to hand she'd of swung from it.

Whereas me, I was more of the bedside lamp and cocoa type of girl, but that was no comfort when I thought of how disastrous this could turn out to be, I mean what if I was so useless at it he decided he'd need to rethink our whole relationship, you see at the moment there is a promise of something good, this amazing connection between us, but once he finds out it's actually pretty crap I wouldn't blame him for bailing on me.