The Most Beautiful Moments In Lifeᵖᵗ¹ // OT7 BTS FF x OC

23. Crimson Velvet

Sunday, 22nd. March. 2015

Blonde hair, a crimson velvet dress. A princess torn and broken on the wooden oak floors.

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Vivid flashes of imagery from last night's dream blurred with the reality of events I could recall. One I knew had happened, the other I was unsure. But they melded, seeped in, and left an eerie, irked sensation.

I struggled, shaking my head vigorously to stop myself from falling into them each time. I'd spent most of the day doing this whilst trying to write lyrics from my huddled place on the couch. The more time that passed, the more I became convinced that these were parts of my memories. At first, I wanted to find what I'd lost, even eagerly. But had I been naïve in thinking it would be fine once I did?

The state of flux made it difficult to concentrate. It was daunting. But I surrendered, unable to rid myself of the visions plaguing my mind. I let it flow, the ballpoint of the pen rolling across the sheets of paper.

The touches violate my skin. Unravelling my soul.

My essence blooms, as though it were a white flower. Then, the petals blacken like the ink of my pen, shrivelling in despair.

The fear, it's vast, like a dark void ready to swallow me whole. It's all here, hidden in the depths of my soul. Locked away, words that remain untold.

The feelings seem to disperse, become lighter and fade away. I couldn't explain them. Understand why I had them or where they'd come from. Leaving me shaken and empty.

Last night, I wanted Joon's touch, his heated kisses, to be whirled around tenderly and lose myself in him entirely. But my body was reacting in ways I couldn't explain. There had to be a reason. Was this some sort of posttraumatic stress? Set off by something? I kept thinking about it. It's the only logic that makes any sense. Or.. Had he violated me before?

This was frustrating. I felt like I had picked up an incomplete puzzle. Half the pieces were missing and I was desperately trying to connect what I had together to make sense of it all.

For now, maybe it was better if I avoided Joon.. I didn't hold it against him. Until now, nothing like this had ever happened. He'd always treated me with care and sweet intentions. Perhaps it was a misunderstanding, but either way, I couldn't be sure. These feelings weren't without reason or cause, even if I didn't know what those were yet. From here on, I'll tread with caution. Because you never really know.

I rested my pen down on the notepad and looked out the window at the orange and yellow hues of the setting sun. It was just as I began contemplating what to eat for dinner that I heard a knock on my door.

Feeling hesitant, I cracked open the door and took a peek outside. Tae and Jimin both stood there, lightly smiling, and plastic takeout bag in hand.

"Hi" Jimin greeted. Tae gave a small wave.

"Hey, what're you guys doing?" I opened the door a bit more, my body relaxed at the sight of them.

"We were in the area and thought we might drop by to see if you wanted to eat with us" Tae explained, his gaze softening. The smell of something delicious hit my nose, causing my empty stomach to gurgle.

"Ahh, I guess you came at the right time" I laughed awkwardly, a smile spreading across their faces at the sound.

"I have a sixth sense for this kind of thing," Jimin giggled. I gave in to my stomach and stepped aside to let them in.

"Go sit down, I'll close it" Tae feigned a smile, moving to reach for the door to shut it behind them.

"Okay, thank you" I let go and followed Jimin over to the island counter where he'd just set down our dinner.