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So, smut. Enjoy or skip whatever.
Also talk of self harm.

The unholy whines leaving Renjun's lips are driving Jeno mad. He has his hand inside Renjun's pants palming him, he sucks on his neck but is feeling quite needy himself. He holds Renjun in place with his free hand and grinds up into him eliciting a moan. Soon when Renjun can't control himself anymore, he turns getting on his knees and captures Jeno's lips with his own. He moans when he feels Jeno's tongue slip down his throat and doesn't put up a fight for dominance he loves having Jeno in control when it comes to their kissing. His hands are tangled in his hair while Jeno's are cupping and squeezing his sexy little ass. Soon Renjun's need has grown beyond any self control he has so stands and guides Jeno to stand as well and pulls him into his bedroom.
"Is it too soon? If you aren't ready I'll be ok but I would love it you would make love to me." Renjun says softly in his ear as he kisses all over his face and neck. Their breathing is labored and both are feeling a heat like never before. Jeno grabs his face in his hands and looks deep in his eyes.
"Not too soon, I trust you with my heart and soul." He says before gently pushing the other back onto the bed. He can't support his weight fully yet so he lies down beside him and pulls him into him. He slides his hands up Renjun's shirt and feels his way around until he can't take it anymore.
"Off, take this off." He says tugging at it. Renjun of course obeys immediately, Jeno too takes his clothes off. When they are both completely undressed they slow it down a little.
"You lay back, let me do the work." Renjun says with a soft smile. Jeno knowing his limitations of course, agrees right away. Renjun crawls on top sighing in satisfaction, looking at Jeno lying there looking up at him with so much love and most importantly, trust makes him feel warm all over.
"Uh, it's actually been a long time since I've, well had anything up there, so?" Jeno smiles softly.
"It's ok, turn around and I'll take care of you." Renjun shyly turns, Jeno swallows thickly.
"You're beautiful baby." He says as he admires him. He wets his finger and slowly slides it in and out. Just a little at first, then as Renjun seems more relaxed he goes in deeper. He hears little grunts and keeps going until he adds another. He kisses his thighs and butt, licking and biting, anything to distract him from the pain. Renjun jolts just a little as a third finger is added before distracting himself by admiring the veins pulsing on Jeno's cock that just happens to be in his face at the moment. He licks down the side of it, taking his time to enjoy it this time. The last time he had Jeno in his mouth was just about getting off, this is about getting to know each other in an intimate way and love. Jeno jumps with surprise and moans when he feels his dick being swallowed by the smaller.
He starts to scissor him, until he feels like he's open enough.
"I think you're ready?" He kind of questions as Renjun turns and kisses him deeply.
"I have condoms in that drawer." Renjun nods and pulls them out giving him a puzzled look. They were unopened and the box has a bow on it.
"It was a gift from Donghyuck, when I first told him about you he said I should "get some action" he said using air quotes, absolutely mortified and will kill the other when necessary.
"I'm sorry." He says making Renjun smile.
"It's ok, I'm just glad they were for me." Jeno smiles and watches as Renjun helps him put it on, his small hands squeeze him as they go downward with the latex barrier.
"I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous to try and fit all that inside me." Jeno pulls him down and kisses his lips.
"We will stop if you ever feel uncomfortable or too much pain. We can go at your pace." Renjun nods and leans forward and lines himself up before pushing it through. He has to stop to let himself adjust, Jeno rubs his back lovingly and lays perfectly still to let him set the pace.
He pushes down a little at a time, stopping on occasion to adjust until he finally decides to just go for it and angles himself a little differently and quickly pushes himself all the way down. He yells out and bites down on Jeno's shoulder.
"Oh fuck, baby you are so tight. Oh god." Jeno is panting. The squeeze is enough to almost take him to the edge and back but when Renjun lifts himself up and slams down he feels euphoric. He sets a steady pace at first but as his thighs start to burn he gets a little erratic. Renjun's moans are low and broken as he keeps bouncing, when Jeno slams up into him he screams out again.
"Oh yesssss. Fuck yesss. Oh god I'm gonna cum, fuck!" He shouts out as he releases on Jeno's stomach. Jeno is in awe watching, when he feels Renjun's hole squeezing the life out of his Dick he tightens his grip on his hips and slams upward meeting him halfway. He releases into his condom and Renjun moans again as he feels him throbbing inside.


"Are you ok?" Jeno asks softly in Renjun's ear, he only gets a nod in response. He rubs his back as he slowly slides out being as gentle as he can. Jeno just holds him until he decides he's ready to move.
"I love you." Renjun whispers in his ear, making him smile.
"I love you, that was incredible, you are incredible." Renjun finally leans up on his elbows, still lying on top of the other. He looks in Jeno's eyes as he leans over and kisses his lips.
"You are amazing, and gentle. I appreciate that so much." He says with a small chuckle.
Jeno hugs him.
"Let's go take a bath." Jeno says.
"If you could, I'd make you carry me." Renjun says with a sigh.
"I totally would too." He says before he bites Renjun's bottom lip gently. Jeno gets up first after leaving a few lingering kisses all over Renjun's face and neck. He starts a warm bath and adds bubbles, he lights a few candles and shuts off the lights. Renjun finally walks in slowly and looks around, he smiles softly at Jeno then kisses him. The latter gets into the tub first then has Renjun sit between his legs. His arms immediately go around his waist and he lays his head on his back.
"I love you." He whispers softly. Renjun of course melts into his arms and loves this feeling of being cared for.
"Thank you, for not bringing it up when we were in the middle of it. I know you seen them." Jeno sighs and lifts Renjun's hands out of the water.
"It was hard, to be honest. I hate that I caused something like this." Renjun can hear the tears in his voice so he carefully turns in his lap and wraps his legs around his waist.
"Yes you broke my heart, I can't lie about that. The feeling of being unwanted gutted me. It hurt so much, it brought back the pain of losing my dad when he left us, my mom when she died, and those other two people who raised me then threw me away like garbage." He wipes the tears off Jenos face.
"I did this. You made my heart hurt Jeno and instead of dealing with the pain the way most people do, I cut. I cut so that for a few moments I feel a different pain and it makes the one in my heart less, it puts me in control of it if only for a minute. You aren't at fault for my weakness. If you want to blame anyone for this?" He asks pointing to his wrists and shakes his head.
"Blame my Korean parents then." He shrugs.
"That's when it first started. They told me I was worthless and horrible and never would amount to anything. They said they wished they never would have adopted me. That's when this all started." He is now crying right along with Jeno. He takes his hand and puts it on his upper, inner thigh.
"You feel that? That's where I did it before, I tried to hide it back then because I was young and afraid and I didn't want anyone to judge me." Jeno kisses his lips, neck, chest, both wrists, all while still having a river of tears come down his face.
"I will forever be sorry for how I made you feel and I'm truly great full and humbled that you were able to forgive me for something that awful." Renjun sighs and makes a pouty face.
"I forgave you because even though it hurt in the moment I understood where you were coming from. I knew you had scars that hadn't quite healed over yet. Fuck, you were literally recovering from a gunshot wound to your heart, you are on all kids of crazy meds and you are going through so much. Mistakes were made but you not only apologized but you went and bravely contacted your ex, which I'm sure you struggled with anyway and fixed the problem at its source." He kisses him slowly, letting him feel all of his love in that one kiss.
"I love you Jeno, I forgave you and now you need to forgive you. These will heal, my heart has healed now I just need you to heal so you can fully open yourself up to me." Jeno nods wiping his tears. He chuckles through his little sobs.
"You are so kind and smart and just the loveliest person I know. I'm so glad I met you. I'm so glad you had a crush on that Yangyang guy." He chuckles as Renjun turns away with red cheeks.
"Stop that's embarrassing." He says and buries his face in Jeno's neck.
"Hey, own it. It brought us together." Renjun chuckles and snuggles in to his chest.

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