Beautiful time (Noren)

39

A few days earlier...

"How are you so cute?" Jaemin asks as he's snuggled into Chenle. He giggles and kisses his nose.
"Stop. You are just trying to get on my good side." Jaemin makes a cute pouty face.
"But all of your sides are good, and cute and sexy and..." Chenle shuts him up with a kiss and Jaemin will never argue with that.
"I guess if this is how it's going to be, maybe I should be on your bad side more often?" Jaemin asks huskily in the other's ear.
"Mm, I don't think so. But I do like kissing you." He says softly before he leans in for more.
"How can I possibly make it up to you?" Chenle sits, pretending to think.
"Hmm, I think a few more kisses will help a little." Jaemin smiles and leans in pressing his lips all over his face and neck earning giggles from the younger.
"I guess I can forgive you this time. Besides, I'll beat you next time." He says about the basketball game they had just gotten back from. Jaemin chuckles and hugs him.
"You are the cutest person I have ever met." He says sweetly. Chenle giggles again and turns so he's facing him on the couch.
"Ok, time to be serious." He says taking Jaemin's hands.
"Tell me your deepest, darkest secret." Jaemin swallows hard and looks down at their hands. He knows he needs to tell him about his past, he would hate for it to come from someone else.
"Ok, I'll do it. There is something about my past that I'm not proud of but, wait, let me." He leans forward and kisses Chenle with all the passion he has in him. He fears his reaction and wanted one more kiss just in case it's their last, of course he's hoping that he's over reacting. He rubs his thumbs along Chenle's hands and looks into his questioning eyes.
"Jeno and I were best friends in school and we ended up dating." He watches Chenle as he listens carefully.
"Why aren't you together now?" He asks softly. Jaemin looks away, this is harder than he thought. He never told anyone else that he dated because he never wanted to be with them long term. Chenle is the first person he really wants to be with that badly.
"I realized after a while of living together that we were better as friends. I wasn't in love with him and I was sure it was the same for him but he wouldn't listen." Jaemin starts to cry as he tells his story knowing how awful it really is.
"I kept telling him that we had to break up but he kept asking me to stay so, so I." He has to stop to breath and wipe his face as his tears are unstoppable.
"I brought someone home and I slept with them. I knew he would catch me b-but I was young and stupid. I never realized the pain it would cause. He was damaged, I was damaged but we come out on the other side and now we are trying to be friends again." He looks at Chenle who is frowning, looking down at their hands.
"Wow. I never expected that." He says softly. He leans back onto the couch and Jaemin tries to hold his hands again but he pulls away.
"Jaemin, this is kind of a lot." He sighs and Jaemin's tears come back faster.
"If it helps, I'm a different person now." He says barely above a whisper. Chenle forces a smile.
"I just, I just want a little time to think about this ok?" Chenle whispers as he stands to leave.
"Call me? Soon?" Jaemin asks defeated. Chenle just nods slightly and quickly exits.
Jaemin is a wreck. He opens his liquor cabinet and drinks himself into a practical coma. He throws his phone across the room, he cracks the screen but fortunately it's still usable since he will be calling in to work. He is sick. Sick from being hung over. Sick of having to constantly relive his shameful past. Sick of life in general. He knew Chenle wouldn't like what he had to say but he figured he would at least talk it out.
By the time the weekend came he was in deep. He hasn't eaten in days and the only substance that he allows in his body is alcoholic. He chants over and over in his head about how he doesn't deserve to be happy, he doesn't deserve a good life. He will forever be in this purgatory while everyone else gets to move on and be happy and he deserves this. The dialogue repeats over and over as he lies alone on his living room floor.

After his visit with Mark and Renjun he feels slightly better. At least enough to go on living. He's tried to call the other but the one time he answered he said not to call him, he would call when he was ready. It kills him knowing he's probably lost his chance with him. His heart was just healed enough, he had forgiven himself enough to try and now he feels he will be alone forever.

Two weeks later...

When Jeno comes home slightly early on this Friday with his arms full of groceries, he doesn't see the person sitting on the floor by his door and trips. He stumbles but manages to keep the groceries in his hands.
"Damnit! What the?" He turns and looks to see Chenle starting to stand.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to trip you." He says quietly. Jeno frowns but nods in acceptance.
"Renjun is still at work for a few hours." Chenle nods.
"I want to talk to you." Jeno sighs and opens his door.
"Come in." He says as he sets his things down and takes his shoes off before taking the stuff to the kitchen.
"Drink?" He asks, opening the fridge.
"Water please?" He grabs two and walks back out gesturing for him to sit. He sits down on a chair in front of the couch and sighs.
"So I'm assuming you are here to talk about Jaemin and I?" Jeno asks, getting right to the point.
"Yeah." He swallows, trying to alleviate some nerves.
"I just want to know your side of it." He says simply.
"I hated him. He hurt me. I didn't trust people after him. I honestly didn't even have a desire to date anyone until I met Renjun. I left him in our apartment over three years ago. I spent the rest of the time alone. I didn't want to have to trust someone again only to get shattered in the process." He purses his lips before he chuckles slightly.
"I suppose this doesn't help his case but when I hurt Renjun needlessly I had to go to the source. My friend suggested it. He explained his side of the story which I'm assuming he told you, and now we are getting better.
"Do I think he was a horrible person? Not anymore.
Do I think he did it to hurt me? No
Do I think he would do it to you? Absolutely not. He's changed a lot over the years and he spent a lot of his time feeling just as badly if not worse than me." He sighs and takes a sip of water.
"I trust him." He says simply. Chenle just nods and looks at the floor.
"Am I horrible for doubting him? I just have been feeling real, deep feelings for him lately and he told me this and then I wasn't sure if I should stick around." Jeno reaches over and pats his arm.
"I can't tell you what's right or wrong for you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be sure but at the same time life is about taking chances. I took a chance with Renjun, I didn't think I could ever trust again but with him I feel like he's worth the risk." Chenle stands and so does Jeno.
"Thank you, I really appreciate this." He smiles and walks to the door.
"How is he?" He asks softly. Jeno scoffs.
"Not well." Jeno says simply. Chenle sighs and looks down sadly.
"Thanks again." He says as he walks out.
Jeno shrugs and goes to start dinner. He's been trying to work on his cooking skills since he's living with Renjun. He makes simple dishes but he doesn't want him to have to shoulder that responsibility every night so he's determined to learn.
He feels arms snaking around his waist and sighs happily.
"Hi baby, how was your day?" He asks as he turns to face him.
"It was good, I'm tired though. Um, Jeno did I see Chenle leaving our building?" Jeno makes a face of realization as he had momentarily forgotten.
"Yes. He came here to ask me about the past." He says before he kisses him.
"And before you ask, I have no idea what the outcome is going to be so you will have to wait and hear it from Jaemin." Renjun smiles softly and stands on his toes to kiss him.
"I can't wait for supper, should we go to the gym after? We haven't gone in a long time." Jeno smiles widely and nods enthusiastically.
"Yes, I've missed that." He says cutely.
"I think you are plenty healed now and I miss it too." Jeno is more than happy to get back to his favorite hobby, now with his boyfriend.