Swallow

Chapter 1.75:

My body felt heavier than usual and I was wearing down quickly. I had a fast metabolism and burned through my highs quicker than most other people—the adrenaline nosedive after fighting only added to my downward spiral.

Add in the sobering realization of how complicated my life had become in only a few short hours, and I lost all hope of holding myself together. 

I dropped down on the couch like my body was composed of lead. I didn't feel like I could even stand up on my own anymore. There wasn't any anger driving me anymore, only the uncertainty over the unknown of what was about to happen. 

I sat on the couch with an impatient twitchiness and waited for Riley to speak first. She never did. The blond just stood in front of me awkwardly with her arms hugging her body. I had never been through anything like this before and had no idea what the next step was or how to even begin to come to terms with it.

One of us had to say something before the silence caused another explosion.

"You're really pregnant?" I asked, still in disbelief.

I was hoping Riley would tell me she wasn't and it was a false alarm. It would be cruel if my head had made this whole thing up, but I had been through some bad trips before and could come up with all sorts of things without any help.

Riley pulled her mouth tight and gave me an almost imperceptible nod.

I didn't make it up or read the test wrong.

The whole situation fucking sucked. 

Riley walked over and sat down slowly on the other side of the couch.  She scooted as far away from me as she could, like I was an infectious disease. It was so different from the last time we were on the couch together.  It was hard to believe it wasn't more than a few hours ago that we were happy together and couldn't keep our hands off each other.

Now she was afraid to even let me near her.

It wasn't like I could get her pregnant again just by breathing in the same air.  That damage had already been done.

I was starting to sober up too much and wanted to sneak off to take a little something to make the uneasiness fade.  I felt for the bottle in my pocket to make sure it was still there and I hadn't lost it during the skirmish with Aiden.

It was right where I left it and pleading with me to take it out. I had to push down my hunger for both the little hunks of poison in my pocket and the girl who drove me insane. Getting my fix of either one of them right now was not going to solve the bigger problem in front of me.

The longer Riley and I sat in silence, staring at anything but each other, the darker my thoughts became.  My paranoia was on hyperdrive, searching for a way out of the unsettled guilt growing in the pit of my stomach. I was always torn between wanting to believe Riley was the innocent, perfect girl, but the suspicious, untrusting side didn't agree.

There was a chance this wasn't my problem.

Brynn's warnings, the pink-haired guy on the table, and the way Aiden always found a way to touch her body—there were so many red flags about how she behaved around other guys. There was so much overwhelming evidence that she had been sleeping around.

She did decide to disappear on me for a long time after the fight at Bannon's. How many other guys had she been with during that time?

Did she tell them she loved them too?

The pocket of anger inside me began to build again as I thought about her with someone else.

"You're sure it's mine?" I swiped my hand over my face with a sigh. This was her opportunity to tell me the truth.