Swallow

Chapter 1.78:

"What the fuck is taking so long?"

I complained to myself under my breath as I waited to catch a glimpse of Riley leaving the clinic. I had been sitting in my car for over an hour driving myself crazy, waiting for her to get out of the appointment.

I planned on being here before she did and even left the house almost half an hour earlier than I needed to, but Aiden's stupid little matchbox car was already in the lot when I pulled up. I got out when I first got here and circled the empty car a few times, not sure what to do with myself. 

I didn't even know why I bothered to come today. 

Staying away from the blond was undoubtedly in my best interest, but the less wise version of my brain convinced itself that I should at least see her one more time. It would only be to prove once and for all that she meant nothing to me now.

My time would have been better spent at home than running surveillance in a Planned Parenthood parking lot. I could be home right now screwing Mia, all of her friends, and anyone else I wanted—whenever I wanted.

That was my problem, though. I didn't want anyone else anymore—only her.

Riley fucking broke me from the very first night I met her and there was no fixing the damage she had done. 

Brynn spent almost an hour last night explaining that Riley hadn't even paused a second of her life to grieve the loss of what we were or what I thought we might have been.

What were we even really?

We slept together a few times. Dick in and dick out. That was all it was—until I got her pregnant.

That part was an accident.

But what if it really wasn't?

Brynn said Riley had been scheming and orchestrating every bad thing that had ever happened between us since the first night she met me.  The secrecy, the baby inside her, the war back and forth over nothing—all of it was a part of Riley's master plan to toy with me. 

Brynn made it very clear that I was deeper in than Riley ever was when it came to us.

It wasn't that I completely believed Brynn's words, but my trust was something I could never wholeheartedly give to anyone—not even the girl I thought I had fallen in love with.  I was incapable of trusting anyone fully. If what Brynn said was true, then Riley had manipulated me masterfully. I showed her my hand and offered her whole the whole deck of cards to play against me.

She took everything from me.

All I was left holding was the fucking joker.

I opened my mouth to pour the last of my Oxy in and chewed the tablets to take some of the sting away.  My stomach was already upset from my nerves and adding the chewed-up bite wasn't going to hurt me either way.  My nose was too raw today to take them up it while I waited.

"Come on, just come out." I tried to will the girl out.

Still nothing.

I couldn't even see inside the stupid building to snoop around. The windows were covered with some privacy film that didn't let you see in and going inside was not an option unless I wanted to end up in jail tonight.

I closed my eyes for a bit and my head began slumping down towards the steering wheel. I needed a second to block out the pulsating sunlight before I went blind. When I opened them again, the clock on my dash informed me that I had lost another fifteen minutes of my life.

My hands, feet, and lips went numb as the blood slowed in my veins. I closed my eyes and opened them again, losing another five minutes somehow. My body was dozing in and out of consciousness as the pills started working their magic.