The Love A Rose Deserves

Secret

Song For The Chapter: The Score- Stay

(This story is in a different perspective that will ruin the surprise of the book if you have not read TPOAR.  If you have not TPOAR then you should skip this chapter.)

First Night

I made a mistake.

I didn't think I would keep making mistakes.

The first mistake I made sent me into a whirl of guilt, I vaguely knew the feeling before the chains broke but when I realized the severity of the situation I felt devastated. Stupidly devastated. It was intense. Just like every emotion now, I felt the guilt deeply.

Ariah was the aid in keeping my mentality together. It was such a meticulous and strenuous process. Feeling everything to the highest degree, having your morals blindsided by any one feeling.

And now I've managed to make a mistake with Serenity. I-

I knew I would make more mistakes. I know I can't help it now, especially when acting as this Jace persona. It's going to happen.

But fuck, I didn't think I would send Serenity into shock. I didn't take into account how crippled Serenity's mental state is right now.

I'm so sorry, Serenity. Incredibly sorry.

Even sorry, knowing she probably wanted nothing to do with me, I had to keep acting, playing this role. I greeted everyone like usual but quickly went to check on her once Danny left the room.

I saw the fear in her eyes, she lost strength at the sight of me. Her eyes look even a little wild, lost, confused, shocked, surprised.

No, this is bringing back bad memories. Memories I never want to think about. She's looking at me like she did back then.... When I hurt her in Hell....

This was a mistake. This was a mistake!

I can't do this again. I have to be careful.

But first, I have to make sure she's stable. Fix my mistake now. I hurt her and unlike that time in Hell, I can fix this now.

I held her the first chance I got. Almost suspiciously fast that even Lexi was surprised for a second. My body relaxed while her's tensed. It's been a few weeks since I've gotten to hold her, touch her, experience her. I feel so much better. Even while feeling a heartbreaking guilt just a few seconds ago, with Serenity now in my arms, I feel relieved. Everything's okay when she's with me. Everything's okay with her.

I smiled.

One day, Serenity, there will be one day when you also fall safe anytime we touch. One day when you unconsciously and naturally fall at peace in my arms... with me. But for now, especially after I caused you pain, only I will be able to feel our peace.

As of now, you'll only feel... angry, rightfully so.

Her cheeks are stained with tears, her cheeks pink and nose pink. Even a little pale... She's avoiding my gaze. Avoiding leaning into me. She's so soft. I can't feel her skin but I know she is.