The Rush

Chapter 10

Despite the late-night workout, I still struggled with sleep that night. I was tossing and turning so filled with nerves at the thought of my meeting with the label in the morning. It felt like my entire life had been leading to this one moment and I was so scared of screwing it up.

As soon as my alarm went off, I was jumping out of bed. I didn't need coffee that morning. The jitters of adrenaline were coursing through my body. I hopped right in the shower before I styled and defused my hair. I wanted to make sure my hair was that perfect wash day hair with hardly any frizz and full of body. Once I had succeeded, I did a quick face of makeup complete with winged liner and red lipstick. I felt hot.

I stood in front of my closet wrapped in my robe as I stared at all my clothes. I had no idea what to wear. I needed to be somewhat professional while still holding onto my rockstar persona. What the fuck was supposed to do that? What does a professional rockstar look like? Do I wear something like Mamma would wear to the studio? Do I dress like Aunt Red?

As I was spiralling, I was greeted by a knock at the door. I groaned. I didn't want to deal with anyone today while I was freaking out. I opened the door to see Hayley standing there with a smile. "Hey, any chance you'd be open to me picking out your outfit today? I was brainstorming ideas all night and I have a few ideas that would be amazing."

"Thank fuck! Please. I have no idea what to wear. What does someone even wear to a label meeting? I fucking hate picking clothes."

I stepped away and Hayley walked right into my closet. She didn't speak, just started pulling out clothes and throwing them on my bed. I just watched as she grabbed some accessories from my drawers and started arranging everything on my bed. "Yes! Okay, you've got three choices. Punk business lady, biker gang chic, and a little sweet, a little spicy."

I laughed at her names but they were perfect. Punk business lady had an eggplant plaid pencil skirt, a black silk camisole, topped with my studded leather jacket which was then paired with my white Docs. Biker gang chic was my leather leggings, a black cropped tank, my red leather jacket with a pair of biker boots. Last, a little sweet, a little spicy had a sweet olive green mini dress with fishnets and my black knee-high heeled boots. She was a fucking miracle worker. I reached over and pulled her in for a one-armed hug. "Fucking love you Hayley."

"Love you too." She answered as she squeezed me around my waist. "Think I can get a pic of you in what you choose? I'm starting my portfolio for fashion school and I want to show my styling abilities."

"Yeah of course. As long as you're cool with taking on your hopeless big sister as your first client." I was so proud of her. At fifteen she knew what she wanted to do and was already working on her future. Just so fucking cool.

She pulled away from our hug absolutely beaming. "That would be amazing! Ah! I cannot wait till we get to start styling for tour! My big sister is going to be a rockstar!" She jumped up and down and gave me one more hug before running out of the room. I just laughed at her enthusiasm before turning back to the outfits. I decided on punk business lady and it was perfect.

I went downstairs to the kitchen to find my parents dancing in the kitchen. I leaned against the doorway as I watched the two of them as they slow danced to Mamma's cover of Your Song. God, those two were still hopelessly in love even after seventeen years of marriage. Dad spun Mamma around as he reached over to flip his pancakes. Mamma grabbed her coffee mug as she danced by herself in the middle of the kitchen. It was as she took a big sip that she saw me. I watched as she quickly gulped down her coffee and held out her arms to me. "My baby! You look so pretty."

I smiled as I walked over to give her a big hug. She was smaller than me, I was almost a head taller than her, but she still gave some of the best hugs. Dad apparently felt left out because his big arms wrapped around both of us. When we all let go, I stepped back to give them a twirl in my outfit of the day. "Hayley picked it out. Girl's got an eye for style."

"That she does." Mamma answered, "Now sit down and eat up. You've got a big day ahead of you."

I smiled as I poured myself a coffee. It probably wasn't going to help my nerves, but I needed my morning dose of caffeine. I settled down at the table and enjoyed the full pancake feast Dad made. My siblings all made their way downstairs and we all sat together at the table like it was a normal Monday. I liked that sense of normalcy it gave me. They didn't treat me any differently, well except for the mini photoshoot Hayley made me do.

It wasn't long until Mamma and I were in her car driving to the label. I couldn't stop fidgeting in my seat. I couldn't sit still when I was nervous. Never had been able to. I felt Mamma reach across the console and grab my hand. She gave it a comforting squeeze as she looked over at me with a knowing smile. "They're going to love you. I promise you, everything's going to work out."

"But how do you know? What if they want a lighter sound? Or a not openly queer singer? What if they want me to be exactly like Aunt Red? They're so many variables."

"None of them matter. If they want you to change, then we go somewhere else. You hold onto your values and what makes you unique and people are going to love you. That's what Aunt Red does, that's what I do, and that's what every successful musician I've ever worked with does. The ones who are doomed to fail are the ones that try to be someone they're not."

I nodded as I absorbed her words. She was the one who knew the industry, not me. She knew what she was doing. She would help me through all of this mess. I had people around me that would help me. I needed to stop thinking about all the what-ifs and just act. Just like I did when I'd jump in the middle of a fight or walk on stage. I knew what to do. I just had to do it. "Thanks. I was starting to get in my head again."

"I know. You're my daughter after all." She squeezed my hand once more before she put her hand back on the steering wheel. Both of us had anxiety, not anxious thoughts but actual doctor diagnosed anxiety. I was diagnosed in high school when I started getting panic attacks and Mamma realized that she had been having a lot of the same issues. Exercise helped a lot, it was probably why I worked out all the time, and I had been doing better. I just needed someone to get me out of my own head sometimes.

We pulled up in front of the label and I saw my bandmates all there. I could see the nerves on all their faces. Each of them were dressed their best. Even Ryland, who was still in his jeans and flannel uniform, but this time the jeans weren't ripped and his hair looked like it had seen a brush in the past twenty-four hours.

I got out of the car just as Anise and Uncle Andrew walked over. I couldn't resist raking my eyes over Anise as she walked over. Fucking hell. She was not hiding behind any bulky sweaters today and I fucking loved it. She wore this baby blue pantsuit that contrasted with her dark skin and hugged her every curve and what fucking curves they were. She was curvy and soft and sexy and so many other fucking adjectives that I should not be thinking about my fucking manager. Fuck. Nope. Ignore the perfect pillows attached to her chest and focus. Easier said than done.

Everyone was suddenly moving and I got myself out of my head so I could follow. Focus on the recording contract. That was my fucking job today and I was going to fucking do it. I can ignore the off-limits manager. Yep, focus on the band. Everyone seemed cool. Hilary did keep giving me weird looks though. Will must have told her about our chat. Was she worried that things would be weird between us now? Were things going to be weird between us now? We can't talk about her sex life now, obviously, but that wasn't the foundation of our friendship. Wait, we could be sisters if they get married. That would be pretty cool.

I was pulled out of my weird as fuck thoughts when Andrew stopped us all before going in. "Alright, remember we are agreeing to nothing today. Our goal is to figure out where to start negotiations. The first offer is never the best and I have a plan to get you the best offer we possibly can. Olive is going to be sitting in with us since she will be producing your record if you sign. If they say anything you aren't comfortable with, speak up so we can get that off the table immediately. Sound good?" We all agreed. My band knew Andrew was the best in the business, had to be if I have never been charged with an actual crime, so they knew to trust his judgement.

Time to chase my fucking dream.