The Rush

Chapter 32

Saturday came along and I was ready to be back on stage. The week was filled with band practices, late-night songwriting sessions and therapist visits. I wanted to get my head right after all the fuckery that has happened before I moved on to the next chapter so I increased the number of sessions I usually had. I was already feeling much more emotionally stable. I was able to enjoy myself at the show, chatting with the other artists, meeting industry people, and not worrying about anyone else but me.

Before I went on stage, I put on the outfit Hayley chose for me. She chose a very slinky silver silk slip top that had to be taped to ensure there were no accidents and a pair of distressed black denim shorts that perfectly highlighted my figure. Hair was wild and free just like me. I stood backstage as we were announced. I grabbed my bandmates who were all looking similarly incredible. "Before we go out there and kill it, I just want to thank all of you for being the most incredible people I've ever known. I do not think I could have gotten through all of this shit lately without you. You are all awesome."

"We love you too but we cannot get all sappy right now cause I'm going to cry and I don't want to ruin my makeup," Tori said.

"Fine, have fun and kill it. Love you guys." I rolled my eyes as we had a quick hug before we heard our name called. It was on.

We ran out onto the stage and went to our instruments. The cheers were electrifying. I went straight to my mic and smiled at the crowd as Tori hit that first beat of the drum. It was on. I was possessed by the music and the crowd. I danced, I sang, I played guitar, I ran, and I laid my heart bare on the stage. By the time that last note ended and the stage went silent my heart was pounding, I was sweating, and I was at complete peace.

"Thank you! We are Charcoal Dreams and we want to thank all of you for coming out for an amazing cause. There are donation boxes at the bar if you'd like to give extra. Thank you again and I hope you enjoy the rest of the show!" I put the mic back on the stand and waved as I exited the stage.

Anise was waiting at the side of the stage with water ready for us. I immediately grabbed a glass and downed it before refilling it from the pitcher she grabbed and drinking that too. "I feel like I need an hour-long shower after that."

"You were incredible out there. I think that is the best I've ever seen you perform." Anise said, "Also you can freshen up in the dressing room. It isn't a shower but it's better than nothing."

"And that is why you are the absolute best manager ever. I'd give you a hug but I'm pretty sure I smell."

"I don't mind." Anise gave me a shy but almost flirty smile that made my already racing heart tick up faster. I didn't hesitate a second and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight as she did the same. I took a deep breath of that warm comforting scent of hers. My heart slowed as I relaxed in her arms.

I pulled away very reluctantly. I just knew I couldn't stay there forever. "Alright, I'm going to get freshened up. I'll meet you guys later." I wove myself through the crowd, pausing when I had people congratulating me on my performance. By the time I made it to the dressing room, I was feeling exhausted. My social battery was at zero and I just needed a minute or two alone. I sat there for a bit before getting up and freshening up and changing back into my clothes. I was about to leave before I grabbed my winter coat. I decided I needed a moment outside before going back to the party.

I snuck out the back door and took a deep breath of that sharp winter air. My eyes drifted shut as I leaned against the door. I listened to the cars drifting by and that signature crunch of snow and ice as it was disturbed. I felt the way the snow chilled my boots as I stood there. I pulled my jacket around myself as a cold gust of air travelled down the ally like some kind of air tunnel. Despite the chill in the air, I was starting to feel a bit better.

"Melody." Just like that, my peace was shattered by a familiar voice I didn't want to hear. My eyes opened and I saw Elenore standing there wrapped up in a winter coat that didn't seem to fit her quite right. She didn't look good. She had bags under her red puffy eyes that she tried to cover with concealer but not very successfully. Her hair was greasy and tossed in a bun and didn't look like she'd been getting much sleep.

"I'm not doing this." I started to turn away but she grabbed my arm in a surprisingly tight grip. She yanked me towards her and I stumbled at that unexpected move. I looked into her eyes that almost looked crazed. I didn't recognize her. She wasn't the girl I fell in love with. She was a stranger to me and that scared me a bit. I wasn't sure if this Elenore was in her right state of mind right now. I don't know what she might try but it didn't seem like anything good would come out of this interaction.

"No, you are! You can't leave me, Melody. You're the only person for me. I have no one if I don't have you. You are everything to me! I love you and you love me. I know you do."

"I don't even fucking know you! You lie to everyone so easily it is almost sociopathic. I cannot trust a word you say and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone I don't know. I can't love someone I don't know. I fell in love with this mask that you made me believe was the real you but it couldn't be farther from the truth. You are a liar and a manipulator and I don't want to have anything to do with you! Now leave me the fuck alone!" I pulled my arm from her grip and started to storm inside.

Under the light that illuminated the door, Elenore caught me. She pulled me to her and then her lips were on mine. My entire body tensed at the unwanted advance and froze. Part of me wanted this, the one that was a hopeless romantic who wanted love with this girl but the bigger part of me wanted to push her away and curse her. I never got to move before I heard the shutter of a camera. Elenore moved quicker than I could. She yanked herself away from me. Before I could move, I felt her open hand across my cheek hard enough that my head jerked to the side to face the paparazzi who were now shouting questions as they took their pictures.

I lifted a hand to my cheek and turned back to Elenore. She looked horrified. Her hands were covering her mouth and her eyes were wide. "Melody I'm so sorry."

"Fuck you." That was all I said as I walked away and pushed through the crowd of paparazzi who were yelling questions at me that I could barely hear. I made my way to the street and raised my hand to call a cab to me that thankfully came right away. I jumped inside and told the driver to just drive as I collected my breath. Tears gathered in my eyes. I can't believe she did that. She fucking slapped me. I managed to tell the driver my address before the sobs came in earnest. She forced her kiss on me and then slapped me like I was the one who gave the unwanted advance. All because of the fucking paparazzi. Fuck. Not because of the fucking paparazzi, because she is so afraid to be out that she had to cover me up yet again. She slapped me! Fucking bitch mother fucking cunty hoe bag fuck nugget. My cheek was still stinging when we pulled into my house. I paid my fare and made my way into the house.

It was quiet inside. I'm pretty sure almost everyone was at the concert still. I sent a quick text to Mamma that I had to go home and turned off my phone. I just went upstairs and showered. I scrubbed my body as if trying to remove all the remanence of her touch from my skin. By the time I crawled into bed, my skin was raw and I was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. Tonight was too much to even process and my entire body agreed. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.