The Rush

Chapter 24

After spending most of the night awake, the sight of Anise standing outside my door with coffee and breakfast was a welcome one. I'd already drank all the coffee the hotel had already provided and was just about to call down for more when Anise knocked. "I've got an extra-large ice coffee with two shots of vanilla and a breakfast burrito with your name written on it."

"I fucking love you right now." This is why Anise is the best, she knew my coffee order and Mexican food is my all-time favourite. I love how well she knows me. 

I stepped away to allow Anise into my room. She took only a few steps in before she stopped and surveyed the room. My bed was completely covered in sheet music. A small keyboard was plugged into my laptop which I was using to write the different arrangements of the song I was working on. "I'm guessing you didn't get much sleep last night?"

I sighed, "I slept till about 3. That's when Lenora showed up." I grabbed the coffee she handed me and made my way over to sit on the bed. I took a long drink and suddenly wished that I was drinking something stronger.

"Shit. You okay?" She placed the bag of food on the bedside table and sat next to me.

"As good as I can be I suppose. She spouted a bunch of bullshit; said I should have known and how their relationship was only for PR. Then she admitted that she had fucked him, but hadn't fucked him since we started dating. I gave her a fucking ultimatum even though I fucking hate ultimatums. She has to break up with him before we leave LA, and if she doesn't then we're over." As I said the words, I heard how fucked up it sounded. "Fucking hell. I sound like an idiot. I just- I love her. So fucking much. If I didn't, I wouldn't go through all this hell, but then I shouldn't have to go through this hell."

Anise was silent for a moment before she sighed, "I can't tell you what to do here. I don't even know what I would do in this situation. If you want, we have a private investigator that we use at the agency who can look into Lenora and figure out if there are any other skeletons in her closet."

"I'm starting to think that she has a house full of skeletons at this point." I groaned. I took another drink of my coffee. Not even my favourite beverage was helping me this morning. "I don't know. I feel weird asking someone to look into her life. No, I'm just going to sit here and write my songs and try to clear my head."

"Well, unfortunately, we do have to get to rehearsals for the fundraiser this weekend, also we still have to do interview prep for the late-night interviews you have this week."

"Shit on a stick. I forgot. Let me shower and I'll be ready in a few."

"Take your time and eat your breakfast. I don't want you passing out on me today." She stood up to give me a stern look before she left my hotel room. I grabbed the breakfast burrito and ate it while I started tidying up the disaster I had made in my room. I threw everything I'd need today in my bag before finally going to shower.

In no time at all, I was dressed in a pair of blue bike shorts and the matching sports bra with a loose tank thrown over. My hair was thrown on top of my head, my laptop bag thrown over my shoulder and my coffee in my hand. I threw on a pair of sunglasses and went to Anise's room. When the door opened, I saw the rest of the band were all sitting inside.

"You look like shit," Tori said as soon as I walked in.

I gave her the finger before leaning on the wall, "We going to rehearse or do you want to sit around and insult me some more?" I didn't miss the look that Ryland and Hillary shared, but I ignored it. No one said much more as they stood up.

The rehearsal space was much more beautiful than I expected. A nice sitting area to the side, a fully stocked coffee station with snacks, and several stage layouts taped on the ground so we could rehearse. I went to the seating area and pulled out my laptop, notebooks, and sheet music. Everyone sat around me. I booted up my laptop and pulled up all the information on the gigs for the month we'd be here. I knew that Anise was probably doing the same, but I wanted to have the information in front of me.

"Alright, so on the talk shows, we're obviously just going to play the singles. The thing we need to work on is our longer sets that the EP isn't long enough to cover. I think figuring out some covers would be ideal, but the label also brought up the idea of teasing a song off our upcoming record, but you guys need to give us some options." Anise said as we sat down.

Ryland grabbed my sheet music folder to look through. Tori immediately launched in throwing out suggestions while Hillary was a source of reason reigning her in. I just sat there quietly jotting down what I thought sounded good. I knew that everyone was looking at me wondering what was wrong, but they didn't push. I was thankful that they were letting me decide when to talk about what was bothering me, I didn't even know how to talk about it. Fucking stupid ass me getting myself in a stupid ass situation by not checking if the girl I'm dating is in another fucking relationship. I shouldn't have to check if the people I'm dating are in relationships. That's on them. Fuck. I wonder if they have something I can punch here. I need some stress relief.

I was so lost in my thoughts; I didn't notice the change in conversation. It wasn't until my sheet music folder was dropped on my lap did I finally look up. Everyone's eyes were on me with a worried expression on their faces. I looked down to see one of the songs I had written last night staring right back at me. I felt the blood drain to my face because I wasn't subtle about what I was writing about. Anyone who really knew me would know exactly who I was writing it about.

"You didn't just have a crush on Lenora, did you?" Ryland asked softly. I felt tears gather in my eyes as I shook my head. I couldn't deny it anymore. It was out, they knew. I fucked up and now three more people knew about Lenora and me. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Lenora didn't want me to. She told me that she had to keep us a secret because of her label being a bunch of dickheads. Turns out that she had a boyfriend that she assured me is fake and the label is forcing her to be with him. Then she admitted that she had fucked him in past but not since we've been together. So I told her that she had to leave him if she wants to stay with me. I gave her until we leave LA to make a decision but until she makes that decision, I cannot be with her because I will not be the other woman."

Everyone was silent as they looked at me with their jaws on the floor. The only one who wasn't surprised was Anise who reached over to squeeze my arm. I looked at her and managed a small smile of thanks before I was distracted by the tiny spitfire that is Tori hopped out of her seat. "I'm going to kill the bitch! Why the fuck are you thinking of getting back together with her after she broke your trust like that? Like seriously, she should go choke on the pile of shit she's been spinning."

"I know it's stupid but I love her! She makes my life better and she makes me better. Since we've been together, I have been so happy, she gets me, and ever since we've gotten together my control issues have gotten so much better."

"Has she though?" Hillary asked causing me to focus on her, "When did you and Lenora get together?"

"The day we first met with the label."

"So a literal day before you were able to confront Brian, the source of your control issues? You don't think that your control issues got better because you were finally able to confront the source of your issues? You've been withdrawn and distant from everyone in your life since then. We've all noticed but we haven't said anything because we thought you were still dealing with what happened with him. We've been fucking worried about you for months! Now we find out it is because Lenora has had you lying to us this entire time, something we know you hate doing. You haven't been able to write any songs, been able to talk to any of us, and have been forced back into the closet by your girlfriend who was hiding a boyfriend for the entirety of your relationship with her."

All of Hillary's words hammered directly into my heart. I knew what she was saying was true. Was I really happy with Elenore or was I just trying to convince myself that I was? I was happy when I was with her... most of the time. I struggled when I wasn't with her. I couldn't write songs because I was so scared of accidentally saying too much in a song which would out her to those who I was closest to. "I'll think about it, I promise."

"Well, I think we should do this song at the show. It's good and we could build a pretty epic album around it."

I looked down at the song wondering if I could do this to Elenore. Could I sing a song about a breakup I wasn't sure was final? Is this fair to surprise her with a song she's going to know is about her? It wasn't fair of her to blindside me with a boyfriend. "Fuck it. This isn't the best song. I've got a better one in my room."