This is War (War Series #3)

Chapter 42

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Chapter 42

Papa

I stare at him for a whole minute, contemplating if it is really Ise Avalos standing before me. His hair is neat and very formal. He does look a lot older than I remember him to be. The last time I saw him is when we were both eighteen.

He doesn't have the boyish air anymore. He's leaner and he looks more mature. Maputi, singkit, matangkad, at wala na ang kinang ng kabataan sa mga mata niya.

His style is the same. A black polo just like the ones Hiel would wear in the past and a pair of cream trousers that makes his legs look longer along with a pair of white shoes.

For the past years, I tried to move on from a lot of things, and pain and anger are some of them. I realized that they are burdening and suffocating and that refusing to let these feelings go will only make me feel more miserable. Kaya ngayong nasa harapan ko si Ise, I can't figure out if what I am feeling is anger, pain, or indifference. 

Bakit siya nandito?  

Hindi ko alam kung paano kakausapin si Ise. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ako aalis dahil tingin ko, wala naman kaming dapat na pag-usapan.

Maingay ang lobby dahil sa iba pang mga taong nandoon—the usual scenario in the hospital where I currently work.

Ise is just standing in front of me, silent and tense as if he's out for words although he practiced this scenario multiple times. But who am I kidding? Ise isn't like that—at least, based on what I can recall from the past.

"I. . ." he finally starts to say but he stutters and stops mid-sentence.

I watch him and I give him a small forced smile to make him feel a little at ease. It seems to work because I see how his shoulders loosen up when he sees my smile.

"Can I take some of your time to talk to you?" he asks me.

I purse my lips and I watch his hopeful eyes. I don't dare to ask him what he wants us to talk about. Tumango na lang ako at inisip kung ano nga kaya ang pag-uusapan naming dalawa.

Maybe, five years ago, if he walks right up to me and asks me to talk to him, I will immediately land my palm against his cheek and I will burst out crying. Maybe, five years ago, I will push him away, shout for him to leave, and tell him to never show his face in front of me. But now. . . all I can feel is indifference. He feels like a stranger to me. O kung hindi man, para siyang isang taong tuluyan ko nang makakalimutan kung hindi lang siya nagpakita ngayon. 

Tahimik akong nakaupo sa isang upuan ng isang cafe sa tabi ng ospital kung saan namin napagdesisyunang mag-usap. Hindi ko alam kung paano nalaman ni Ise na doon ako nagtatrabaho. Maybe he heard it from one of our mutual friends. After all, Ise and I have a lot of them.

I wonder if he heard about Hanniel too. Hindi ako maniniwala kung sasabihin ni Ise na hindi niya nakikita ang anak ko sa lahat ng mga pictures ni Hanniel na lumabas sa social media ko at ng mga kaibigan ko.

Sinulyapan ko si Ise na tahimik na bumalik sa mesa namin nang maka-order na siya para sa 'ming dalawa. He insisted on paying for our drinks earlier and I let him because I am not interested on arguing with him.

Umupo si Ise sa harapan ko at pinagsiklop niya kaagad ang mga kamay sa ibabaw ng mesang inookupa namin. I can feel that he is nervous. Kanina pa siya mukhang tensyonado.

Napagdesisyunan kong hayaan siyang kunin ang oras niya para hanapin ang mga salitang gusto niyang sabihin. 

"How have you been, Hanani?" Ise's voice is soft and careful. If I don't know him, I will think that he also feels shy about talking to me.