This is War (War Series #3)

Chapter 44

#war3wp

Chapter 44

Better

When do you know when you've done something extremely wrong?

To some, it is before, during, or right after they do the sin. Sa iba, kailangan pang lumipas ang panahon para malaman nilang nagkamali sila.

With Ise. . . I don't know. Kilala ko siya noon. Hindi naman naging masama sa 'kin si Ise no'ng kami pa. Oo, hindi siya perpekto at nagkakamali rin. . . but he was good to me. Kaya imposibleng hindi niya alam na mali ang gagawin niya bago pa man niya gawin 'yon.

When he left me and ran off to hide under his mother's skirt, I keep ramming my mind to come up with a reason why he would do that when he told me he loved me.

The only conclusion I came up with for the past years is that Ise prioritizes himself more than anyone—even more than me—that when he got scared, he cowardly left to save himself from his sin.

He probably didn't know that when you know you have sinned, it will haunt you until the end—chase after you, visit you in your nightmares and cling onto you forever. Did it make him stay up every night? Whenever he feels happy, does it guilt him until it spoils his good days? Whenever he has a chance to love, does it scare him? Guilt him?

Maybe, instead of being happy to know that he will have a daughter with the woman he loves, he did feel scared and guilty. Instead of having a whole portion of happiness, he had nothing. . . because he knows his sin. Because he knows he wronged someone.

He wronged my friends.

He wronged my family.

He wronged me.

He wronged my son.

It took him six years to go back and beg at my feet for my forgiveness. It took him years to realize that he should face me and apologize in front of me.

It's unfair. Yet I pity him too. . . because he is too slow to catch up on things. Too much of a fool to realize it just now.

When I see him the next day in front of the delivery room of the hospital where I work, pacing back and forth with his hand covering his lips nervously, I watch him, wondering if he would've looked like that if he stayed with me years ago while I was delivering Hanniel.

Nari is giving birth. Katatapos lang halos ng shift ko nang madaanan ko sa hallway na 'yon si Ise.

Umupo siya sa isa sa mga upuan at sinabunutan niya ang sarili niya. He's crying. Based on how his shoulders are shaking he's definitely crying.

Unti-unti akong naglakad palapit at tahimik akong naupo sa upuang isang upuan ang layo sa kaniya. Ise raises his gaze to look at me and he stills when he realizes that it's me. I look at him and I force a smile.

"Is she giving birth?" I ask.

Tinitigan ako ni Ise. He tries to hold back his tears and he looks away. Kahit hindi ko sabihin, alam kong alam niyang si Nari ang tinutukoy ko.

"Yeah," he says.

Tumango ako. "You shouldn't have let her see me yesterday if she's near her due date," I tell him.