Falling apart

Chapter 39

Elle's POV:

I woke up with Mama Imee still beside me . I stretch my arms at bumangon . "You feel better now munchkin ?" Tanong ni Mama Imee I nod my head and get up to go to the bathroom to wash my face . My eyes are not that swollen anymore , after I washed my face ay lumabas na ako. "What time is it Ma ?" Tanong ko. "It's almost time for dinner and we should go downstairs so you can eat na hmm ?" She said and get up of the bed , We exited the room and walk downstairs at umupo na sa dining table . Nang makaupo na kami ni Mama Imee ay saka naman dumating si Mama Irene with Tine na galing rin sa taas . I feel kind of jealous again but I don't let it get me . "Oh Manang , bumaba na pala kayo I was about to wake you up before we go downstairs para sabay na tayo bumaba but I find no one inside." She said and sat beside me . Im sitting with Mama Imee then me then Mama Irene then Tine . Wala naman akong magagawa ganito talaga sitting arrangement namin .

Nang nakaupo na ang lahat ay tatawag na si Mama Meldy kung sino ang magle-lead ng prayer. "Sandro , Apo lead the prayer." Mama Meldy said . Pagkatapos namin magdasal ay nag simula na kaminv kumain and it's so awkward that no one dared to speak. "Puro pipe ba ang kasama ko dito ?" Tanong ni Mama Meldy. I shrug my head and continue eating. "Elle and Tine how do you feel ?" Tanong ni Mama Meldy I look at her slightly before answering. "Better." I said and continue eating . "Me too Mama Meldy." Tine said. "And how's school ?" Tanong ni Mama Meldy ulit and naging machine gun nanaman ang bibig ni kambal kaya nanahimik nalang ako. "Im doing great Mama Meldy.............." She continuesly speak . I guess she feels better now. "How about you kambal ?" She ask I caught off guard and look at her then to everyone . I look back sa kinakain ko "Stressful." I plainly said. "Why is that ?" Tanong ni Kuya Sandro. "Researches and essays." I said. "Susss ! Si kambal ! Ehh ang tali- talino mo nga ehh !" Tine said mockingly I gripped my fork so hard so I that I can control my temper. "Yeah right, that's what strangers think I am , Are you ?" Mataray kong tanong . "Of course not ! I'm just saying that you can go solo flight without anyone's help." She protectively said. "Yeah , that is what this family thinks , Excuse me Im gonna go for a walk ." I said before walking out. All they think about is that I can concur all the things on my own because they think I'm smart , I'm mature , and do not need any support . Yeah that's me , totally what people think of me . Lumabas na ako ng gate and go to my usual spot here sa subdivision . I put on my hoodie and put on my ear puds and walk quietly. When I reach the spot Im still amazed on how bright the night sky here . It's a couple blocks away from Mama Imee's house , No one knows about this spot than me and I dont wanna share it with anyone . I lay on the grass and raise my hands and scream the hell out of me . No one is around that's why I can yell what ever I want . "Ahhhhhhhhhhh ! I hate this life !! Is this what privilege life is huh ?!! I would rather be poor goddamn it ! A lot of people hates me , the whole Philippines hates me , They hate my family ! I hate myself !! I keep on hurting the people who I love !! Why ?!! Why ?" I yelled and end up crying . "Lo.... Lolo Ferdi...." I cried . "Even though I never met you I still miss you " I said . "Why are they like that ? I feel so pressured , not with my career path but why do everyone thinks that I'm so smart ? I am not ! I am wise and hardworking that's it ! I just need a little support why can't they give that ? Where's the family that I grew up in ? Even though Mom and Dad don't tell me I know they expect a lot from me . Lolo nakakapagod rin po ! I wanna be alone ! On my own ! I need to take care of myself ! Ako naman ! Ako naman muna ! I don't wanna think about anyone anymore ! I dont wanna care about how they feel ! What they think ! What they say ! What they expect ! Tao lang din naman ako ahh !" I cried . I sit up and hug my knees . "Lolo can you hear me ?" I ask my lips curved and another whole set of tears automatically fell down from my eyes as I imagine my life would be if it's just simple . Not this extravagant life that Im in , I am grateful so grateful but I can't take away all the what ifs and buts in my head. Mg phone rang and see that kambal is calling , I wiped my tears and cleared my throat before answering. "Umm hello ?" I said. " Kambal we need to go home na and I just wanna say Im sorry if I'm too annoying and insensitive , I really didn't mean to !" She said , I smiled a bit paano ko naman matitiis ang sarili kong kapatid ? Ako naman anv may problema hindi sya. "wala yun Tine ! Sorry for being moodie ! Don't worry pauwi na ako ." I said. "Okay sige ingat !" She said and hang up.