Magnetic - JJ Maybank

9 - Missing you

WHEN I OPENED my eyes, I had a sudden urge to break every damn object that was near me. First, I was definitely not in the mood to go to school, and second, school entailed reuniting with the people I currently denied losing. 

At this point, I just wanted to be the new girl again and not talk to anyone. Honestly, I'd had the worst night of my life. It was a mixture of anger, sadness, and looking at the few photos I'd taken up until the day before. 

That morning, I literally wanted to throw my phone out the window and smash it on the cement. That's how bad I felt. 

Not to mention, I hadn't talked to Sarah since I got back. Yes, I allowed myself some alone time. I'd walked the streets without looking back to see if cars were passing, listening to a vent sped up playlist on YouTube. That's why I didn't want to go to school. 

I just wanted things to stay the way they were. 

The worst part was that my own brother did this to me. 

---

THE STRAWBERRIES I was eating were clearly the only good thing about this breakfast. There was this huge and uncomfortable silence, and I was definitely not the one to break it. I was too busy making little eye contacts with Rafe and Sarah. 

I really wanted to be good with Sarah and I really did not want to be good with Rafe. I knew he was on drugs and everything, but it was still his fault. I did not even recognize myself. Usually I was always the one who would forgive someone, but I had changed since the day before. 

Nothing was the same anymore. 

"So... it's raining today, unfortunately. I hope you guys will still have a good day, though." dad broke the silence. Somehow I felt sorry for him, because he deserved nothing for our bad mood. 

I smiled gently at him to show I'd heard him. 

I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the pogues. It could've been very different if I hadn't been so clueless. 

"Okay, can someone explain to us why no one is talking?" asked Rose. We all looked at each other, but I started looking at my plate again. Each of my blinks became more heavy. They deserved to know. 

"Rafe ruined my life yesterday. He was so high on drugs that he told my friends I was with JJ. They didn't know, and now I've lost everyone," I said. 

Everyone looked at me like I just told them I was pregnant. The silence started to get so loud. It felt like there was thousands of pieces of baggage on top of me. It was heavy. 

"Swee-"I put down my utensils and walked away brutally as Rose tried to talk to me. I wasn't going to cry. Not in front of the others. I heard her sigh as I made my way upstairs.

---

I REALLY COULDN'T be more unlucky. My first lesson was geography. When I arrived in the room, Kiara, John B, and Pope were talking and kept staring at me. JJ was alone - which made my heart break even more - in the back of the class. 

I walked to my chair, dreading this moment. When I sat, the first thing that invaded me was his smell which weirdly seemed to be more cumbersome than usual. That smell that was in my nose when I kissed him, in the hot tub, when I woke up next to him, when he made love- um, I mean when we had sex.