Magnetic - JJ Maybank

6 - Daddy issues

When I opened my eyes, I saw a wooden ceiling that wasn't mine. It took me a while to remember everything. Probably because I'd been drinking. It surprised me that I wasn't sick.

I turned around and looked at JJ, who'd already opened his eyes. He looked at me with a slight smile on his face. He looked so peaceful. He'd just woken up because his eyes were half open.

"Hey." he said with his morning voice. It was the first time I was hearing it and I loved it. So peaceful, croaky and deep.

"Hi." I smiled at him.

"Last night was great," he confirmed.

I nodded.

It was true, I loved last night and the second round we did later. Oops. The fact that we did not have to worry about getting caught really helped us have a better time. I wondered how we could have an even better time than we did now, after.

If there is one.

"Hey, I was thinking about something last night." I looked at him in confusion. What could he have been thinking about? "About the guy who raped you."

It shocked me that he brought those words back to the surface. It was already a big deal that I had confessed my past to him. I didn't know if there was anything more I could do. I looked at him and waited for him to continue.

"How are you feeling about this?" he asked. "Did you get over it?"

I looked down, searching for an answer because I didn't know it. I never thought about it, I just learned to live with it. Of course, it was scary but I still liked Benjie.

"The only person who knows is my mother, and she didn't care, so I thought it was no big deal. Of course it was traumatizing, we were very toxic, but I decided to live with it and just run away." I explained.

The moment came back to me. Me fighting him. His arms squeezing mine, against the wall. He pushed into me, his face angry. I started crying and JJ immediately pulled me to him.

I wrapped my arms around his chest and rested my head in his neck. He massaged my hair.

"Hey it's okay. I'm here." he said. "It's just me and you." Tears stopped falling but I didn't move. I was comfortable like this. I felt safe.

Until we heard the door open.

I flinched and pulled my head to look at him. He was looking at the door, scared, we both knew who it was. I could see the panic in his eyes. I didn't know exactly why JJ's dad scared him that much but I had a feeling I'd soon understand.

The fact that even JJ was scared sent me into a panic.

He looked at me, and I couldn't quite understand what he was trying to tell me. It was a mixture of "I'm sorry" and "It's going to be okay." God, why couldn't we just be alone for once.

JJ got up and signed me to stay there. I tried to hear the conversation in the hallway.

"Dad."

"Hey son." he sounded dunk.

"Let's go in the living room."

And after, I heard nothing.

I got up, put on JJ's T-shirt, and walked slowly. I entered the room and saw him standing far away from his father. JJ had his back to me, so all I could see were his hands clenched into fists and his unusual posture. I saw Luke walking towards him and JJ took a step back. His hands were tense.

And then his father's eyes locked on me. I knew immediately that walking out of the room was a mistake. As soon as Luke looked at me, the blonde boy quickly turned around. I saw tears in his eyes. Now I understood the look on his face. I understood him.