I watched as he packed all his things. I never thought it's this hard to let go of this relationship.
"Im sorry.I just wanna be happy again."
Hinayaan kong hawakan niya ang mga pisngi ko. I can't even look at him in the eyes.
"Stell, look at me... Please."
I didn't dare to move. Kapag lumingon ako sa kaniya, I might do something I will regret later.
He let go of my cheeks. I was hoping for him to change his mind.
But it was already too late, he already crossed the door.
I sadly looked at him. His back was facing me.
"I-I... never told you this. Pau, you were the one who gave me a chance to see the world again. I just wanted to thank you for staying by my side."
I choked a sob. I never imagined us parting ways. I always see him in my future, yet he doesn't see me in his.
He never looked back at me. The hope I had faded when his car was far away.
Now that he left, the house we lived for two years felt quiet. I wasn't used to this.
Every corner of it reminds me of him. How he dances around the house, how he plays the guitar for me. Those memories I will cherish forever.
The house phone began ringing.
I disconnected it from the line. Kasama na ito sa pagmomove-on ko.
Maybe this would help me.
Instead of crying, I started removing all of our pictures. I have to be strong since im all alone now.
No one is here for me now. All of them left me.
It took me a whole day just to clear the house. All the things that reminds me of him are stored in the shed behind the house.
I plopped my self on to the couch. The only thing replaying on my mind is how am I gonna move forward without him.
I felt tiredness taking over my body. I should sleep now.
I never see myself as the one to go on a bar just to drink. Minsan lang ako nagpupunta rito kapag birthday ng mga kaibigan niya.
The bar was crowded. I sat on the corner. Watching people dance around was making me smile a bit.
Im atleast happy to see others relationship going the way they wanted.
I always think that Pau was the one for me. We instantly clicked the first time we met.
He knows how to calm me down, he knows how to pamper me everutime I feel bad about myself.
Maybe I was just too much for him. Sino nga bang gusto ang clingy na ka-partner?
I ordered a hard drink, not my forte but I guess I can try them now. Baka sakaling mawala itong sakit na nararamdaman ko.
The one glass I promised myself turned into six glasses. I didn't know I have a high alcohol tolerance.
Pau never lets me drink, so I never really knew.
I got up and walked outside. The cold breeze welcomed me as I stood on the shed.
The uber I ordered was a few minutes away. The quiet place gave me time to sober up.
A car stopped infront of me. It was my uber. I entered the car and the driver started the car.
"Alam mo kuya, kapag pala mahal na mahal mo yung tao, kakayanin mo lahat para lang mapasaya mo siya. Kahit na kailangan mong magdusa ng mag-isa."
The driver was silent. I was feeling a bit dizzy again.
"I never loved him at first. I remember na I was just pretending to love him, kase hindi ko talaga sure kung kaya ko bang mahalin siya. Pero dahil lagi ko siyang kasama, I fell in love eventually."
I wiped the tears in my eyes, I know that its embarassing to cry infront of others but I just let it be.
"Its funny how I lost all hope before he came into my life. Naalala ko na I was on the verge of breaking, and then there he is. He gave me a chance to change my life. When we were together, I always felt the happiest and safest. Something I haven't felt in years. "
"But he felt like I was being a bit rough on him. I was being clingy to him, but maybe because I haven't had anyone stay by my side that long. Natakot ako na baka mawala siya sa akin kaya naging ganun ako. I never thought na kabaliktaran ang mangyayari."
I cried and sobbed. I didn't care if I looked like a fool.
"Sana hindi na lang siya nangako. Para sana wala akong pinanghahawakan ngayon. Sana hindi na lang kami nagkakilala. I never thought it would be this hard."
The car suddenly stopped. Napansin kong nakarating na kami sa bahay. It was located near the forest. I don't have any neighbors. Maybe thats a good thing.
I handed the uber the money before getting out. I stumbled all the way to the front door to find my keys missing.
"Where is it?," kinapa-kapa ko yung bulsa ko when someone handed me the key.
I looked at the guy, the uber driver.
"Salamat po kuya. Medyo madami po akong nainom eh."
I shyly took the key from him. Pero when I tried to insert it, the door won't open.
I heard him chuckle, "Here, I will do it for you."
I stepped backward to give him space, he opened the door and had supported me inside.
"You should take a rest now. You're lucky I was the one you got. Kung iba pa na-book mo, they might do something worse."
I hummed in response.
"Thank you. Im Stellvester."
"Uhm, im Ken. Ken Suson."
I laughed when I heard his surname.
"I guess you should go now. Its really late."
He bid goodbye to me and I once was again alone.
I just shrugged everything I felt and went to sleep on the sofa.
----
Henlo
Kakagising ko lang and I was checking my notes apps and saw this, di ko pala napost before so here ya go.
Lovelots~
