The more I stare at him, the more my heart feels like its about to blow.
Who could blame me?
Para talaga siyang anghel, from his head to toe.
I mean, everyone's out there trying to court him, habang ako dito, natotorpe.
There are things that are keeping me from confessing, our friendship? My family?
I've been keeping this from them, I haven't told anyone about how I feel. Siguro nadala na lang din ng takot.
Takot na baka, i-abandona nila ako, and i can't take that.
"Lalim ng iniisip ah, pwede mag-swimming?," biro ni Ken.
He sat beside me before handing me a cup of coffee, ayan na naman siya sa coffee niya.
"You know, if may problema ka you can always tell one of your friends, not me of course."
"Sino sa kanila?"
"Stell? Duh, alam mo namang reliable yan eh. Alam kong matutulungan niya ikaw."
"Oo nga-Wait, siya nga yung problema ko eh."
Tumingin naman sa akin si Ken ng nagtatakha.
"Nag-away ba kayo? I swear kapag talaga lumubog kayo, magpapari ako."
"Lubog? Wala kami sa bangka."
"Cause you're the ship itself. Ano ba kasing problema niyo?"
"I like him. No. I love him."
"Then tell him. No one's stopping you."
"You think it's that easy? No way. i haven't even outed myself yet, Ken."
"Then, hintayin mo na lang na maagaw siya mula sa 'yo. Hahayaan mo ba akong mag-pari?"
"No way."
"Then it's settled."
---
I didn't think this through, dapat hindi ko na lang sinabi ka Ken.
"Don't just sit there and be pretty, you have to move too, bilisan mo na."
It has been a month and I swear, Ken is doing his very best giving me and Stell some time together.
A big help actually.
"Oo na. Thank you. But if this goes wrong, malilintikan ka sa akin."
"No worries, everything is handled with your very handsome Captain, and that's me."
Napairap na lang ako dahil umaapaw na naman ang confidence niya.
Though I quite liked it.
It suits him really well.
Umalis na siya, signalling it's time for me to be ready.
"Pau? Wow ang ganda naman dito. Parang may engagement party ah."
Hindi ako makapagsalita, maybe it's because of how stunning he is tonight?
"Huy Pau! Ay, parang wala naman akong kasama dito eh. sayang naman kung ako lang naman yung nagsasalita dito ano?"
"Ang ganda mo."
Nakita kong namula yung mukha niya, pati ako namula. Nakakahiya.
"I mean, ang ganda ng venue ano? "
"Oo haha, ang g-ganda nga sobra haha."
Great, I just made the atmosphere awkward.
I can't blame Ken, bibig ko dapat ang sisihin. Kung ano ano na lang sinasabi.
"So, magtititigan na lang ba tayo dito?"
"Stell, kumain muna tayo okay? Alam kong gutom ka na. Ganun na din ako."
Nahihiya pa dina ko, mabuti na lang nag-agree siya na kumain muna.
Maybe eating will stop me from spitting such embarassing words.
"How have you been, Pau?"
"Still the same," mahal ka pa din, mas lalo na nga ngayon eh.
"Mhm, goood to hear. I actually wanted to tell you that I met this girl a month ago. we all have the same hobbies and wants. Parang we instantly clicked."
My heart fell to my stomach. I knew this would happen. I will always be too late.
