Seblaine Oneshots ❤

Colors of You

a/n: I wrote this drunk about a month ago and instead of heavily editing before publishing, decided to give you guys some of my drunk seblaine thoughts that may or may not make full sense. I did read it all the way through, so it makes enough sense to publish, but it's a very raw fic. Title inspired by Heartstopper / Baby Queen's song.

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Blaine's head is spinning. He's completely overwhelmed by feelings but knows he can't do much about any of them. Lust, guilt, desire, anger, all taking over his mind and making his body warm and numb. The alcohol in his system adds to the bubbling sensation in his stomach and throat, making him nauseous. Despite feeling ill and sweaty, he takes another sip. The Captain Jack's rum he found in his mom's liquor cabinet sweeps past his lips, coating them with a sugary pineapple flavor. The moisture left in his mouth makes him wish that were instead the taste of the boy he'd been imagining for weeks. This thought is quickly followed by another sip, as if that would drown the sudden desire he definitely shouldn't be feeling.

It'd be okay if he were drinking and imagining making such profound love to his boyfriend, but no. If it were his boyfriend he was fantasizing over, he would just call him before alcohol got involved. But this is different. This is forbidden.

Kurt's at home right now, probably making Creme Brulee with his dad, or trying to, at least. And Blaine? He's quickly getting drunk off anything he can find in his mom's cabinet with a head full of dreams. Dreams not meant for the boy that should be the object of his affection, but for the one that swept him off his feet the first time they made eye contact. The one who always watches him walk away, Blaine knows he does, because he likes the shape of his body. The one who he just, two nights prior, danced with until the club closed. The one that his boyfriend is insanely jealous of, no matter how many times he'll claim the boy "just gives him a bad vibe".

At first, Blaine swore up and down that they only talked as friends. That they'd never be anything more and Kurt needed not to worry. But then Sebastian took them to a club down in west Lima and the rosy feeling in his cheeks started to travel south when the taller boy put a hand on his waist to direct him towards the middle of the dance floor. Kurt was nowhere near, and when Blaine finally spotted him, found he was making conversation with an old classmate of his. One that Blaine knew but not too well. He transferred to McKinley just as Karofsky transferred out. Ironically, the boy pulling him closer transferred to Dalton just as Blaine transferred out, too. Making the whole quadruple a convoluted mess of transfers and missed connections.

Not that Blaine was missing anything by the loss of Dave Karofsky at McKinley. Sure, he missed the opportunity to protect his boyfriend against his bully during school hours, but after Kurt's return to McKinley, Karofsky was quick to leave. And Blaine did help with the bullying, just not as much as he would've liked.

But because he does love him in some capacity, that's why he can't and won't leave him to chase Sebastian. As tempting as it is to try something, with someone, that's new and unexpected, he doesn't have an excuse to up and leave Kurt like that. For a couple that's only been together for a little while, the two have already gone through a lot. And they've been there for each other, even if the situation is crazy and there's no solution in sight, they've figured it out together. Leaving him for something that may not offer the same solidarity, nor may not even last at all, is implausible.

To Blaine, being with Kurt means guaranteed security plus presumed eternal love. They may not love each other throughout their entire relationship, but at least they'll be strong and caring enough to side beside one another. And maybe they will stay in love the whole time, who knows? But regardless, both will always find comfort in the other's arms. Like a safe haven or a comfort show, Blaine believes there's undeniable affection to be shared as long as they're a couple. Kurt's his safety shield against a painful reality and everything else dark and ill-boding. Whether or not the love is there, the feeling of safety is.