Asylum (Mcr Fic)

Base Zero

We all go out to a restaurant together. Frank invited Jamia and Ray invited Christa. Jamia put some lipstick on me as soon as she arrived, and apparently I look better once its on. I dont get what her fascination is with me...

I sit down next to Gerard in the booth and Mikey sandwiches himself next to me.

"What are you getting?" Mikey asks after a moment of looking at the menu.

Most of these terms are unknown to me so I just point at something with a low price.

"Are you sure." He can probably see the confusion in my eyes.

I nod slowly, checking his reaction.

"What about... They do a good risotto here."

I nod slightly faster.

Mikey laughs. "Youre amazing Seven."

/////

I wake up with a gasp, grabbing my chest and gulping breaths. I just cant solve the box of water problem. Every dream I die a new way and its so frustrating. I use my clenched fist to wipe away some tears on my face.

My frustration is hard to keep so I start pacing back and forth in my room. My fists are clenched at my sides but my tears keep coming. If they put me in the box again I wouldnt never find a way out. Id go through it again. Its not like Gerard would do anything, again. I scoff to myself. He did nothing. He practically apologised with a kiss and a sad pout. I feel like I need another white room to pound my fists on the walls and let out my feelings. When I reach the wall I pound the wall with the side of my hands and it just makes a hollow sound. He really just tried to win over my pain and struggle with a kiss. It was a good kiss and I needed that to happen but its a bad excuse. I need proper answers. I hit the wall again as I reach it. The next time Im alone with Gerard Im going to confront him about it.

I find Im nodding to myself and muttering so once I reach the wall I lean my head against it with a small thud. I run my hands through my hair, my forehead still on the wall, and lean on one foot to the other. I just need to breathe. Ill talk to him tomorrow... Maybe the day after...

"Seven, are you okay?" Or today- thats Gerard.

I turn around and stalk over to him. I cant stop myself as my hand reaches his face. Theres a slapping sound and I almost regret it at his reaction. Almost.

"What the fuck?" He shouts, staggering back.

"You thought you could make everything okay with a kiss and a promise to hold me when in reality the pain isnt on my skin its in my brain!" I shout. "You cant promise to make it better when you caused it in the first place, youre just a catalyst. You thought a kiss could woo me over? Clearly you havent realised Im not as dumb and confused as you think I am."

He just stands and takes it. Tears work their way into my eyes again.

"If I didnt almost die then not only would the other consequences be ghastly, but your own brother would be ten feet under the ground, about as dead as I almost was. You knew it was coming again, you could have warned me. But its fun to watch people struggle and to test your own emotions because thats what you do every time. It doesnt make you dominant, it makes you cruel. Its not a game, this is real life and real lives. You thought it was okay until I started screaming and you realised that this is not what you had planned. This is not what I had planned. I didnt choose this. I did not choose the confusion and disorientation and torture and then being taken advantage of by someone I thought I could trust."

My words just flow continuously as I push at Gerard. My shaking hand raises to point at him.

"Dont act like whatever you do isnt going to affect me because Im not even a person, Im just an experiment. Just because Ive got some disorder in my brain it doesnt mean that Im a toy or a test or your possession, your play thing. Youre a sick, sick man, Gerard. Youre almost as bad as them, and I say almost because you talked to me and I thought that was comforting at the time. That your closeness was comforting. Youre not comforting-"

I feel some arms around my waist, slowly trying to drag me away. I recognise its Mikey. He is whispering something in my ear but my ears are ringing.

"Mikey, please, this coward would have let you die if it wasnt for me dying first! Im just his experiment! Im-"

Mikey finally lifts me off my feet, taking me outside. I kick and squirm, desperate to give Gerard his rant.

"Seven." Mikey mumbles in my ear. "Stop ranting, youre starting to sound crazy."

"What if I am?" I question. "Not only h-"

"Please, just... Calm down for a moment please." His voice is choking up.

My mouth bolts shut.

He puts me down on a bed and sits next to me.

"Mikey?"

"Mhm?" He looks over at me.

"Gerard kissed me the other night after I had a panic. I was still angry at him for doing all he has done and he just cut me off with a kiss."

"That shouldnt be allowed."

"But I kinda wanted it..."

"It doesnt matter."

"He was gonna do the same tonight but as soon as he came in I just slapped him."

"You shouldnt have done that."

"I know. I then ranted at him."

"You know... That was a little uncalled for..."

"I didnt want to shut my mouth any longer as he pretends he can make everything better when I know he really cant."

Mikey nods.