Relapse

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(The comments made me laugh so much, I love comments lmao)

Gerard, Frank, Mikey and myself go out during the day. Down the road there is a local fair and Frank had been mentioning it for the past week, so we decided to go with him.

"Okay, okay, okay... What first?" Mikey grins at Frank, who has a face of pure excitement.

"Rollercoasters. All of them!"

"Frank..." Gerard rolls his eyes.

We go on roller coaster after roller coaster until Gerard declares he feels ill and says he will wait at the exit of the next one. He seems grumpy and guilty and upset with no reason but I let it go.

"See ya Gee!" Frank says, walking ahead.

"Yeah, wait at the end, then we can get lunch or something..." I wave but he avoids my eye.

We climb onto the ride and the bar comes down. Mikey has a sort of constipated excitement look on his face as he grasps onto the bar and then suddenly we are off.

I love the excitement and the rush you get from rides like that. Its so liberating. We ride loops and my mood escalates into euphoria.

At the other end we climb out, all laughing at each other and how dizzy we are. I run ahead to tell Gerard about how Mikey almost threw up but he isnt there. My heart almost stops and I stop in my step. Somethings not right.

He must have got a drink or something.

We wait a while for Gerard, just talking. Eventually Frank just stops talking as he realises something.

"You know, sometimes he goes away for a day or so at a time to get his thoughts together. Its his therapy." Frank suggests from behind me. "Its worth waiting, but back at home."

Would it be my fault that he is leaving for the night? Does him disappearing when he was fine just before make any sense? I dont know much about... life... so I should take it in my step.

"We should go home." Mikey sighs. "It must be hard for him."

I nod and reluctantly we leave the fairground.

/////

We manage well through the rest of the day- its a disappearance, not a death.

Yet, for some reason, not having Gerard around made everything less beautiful and kind. There seemed to be a Gerard shaped gap in the dynamics of the group and my symptoms got worse in record timing.

"Gerard used to go out for long periods of time without telling us. He said it was to think, I think..." Mikey says after a long moment of silence.

I run my hand through my hair and nod. "Like, he wouldnt just leave, right?"

We had a thing, right? "No..."

"Okay."

My finger runs over my wrist and over the lumps.

"Im going to bed... See you guys tomorrow."

"Night!" They chorus.

Lying down in bed I think of him straddling me and smile. The smile drops when I think of why he left.

Im going to sleep.

I toss and turn for hours, unsure of how to get to sleep. In the end I give up, standing and walking to the door. Someone is standing right by the door and I gasp as I reach them, were they watching my try to sleep? They act weirdly, just talking at me. I get lead into the water room as they talk directly at me. The quiet lapping sound sends shivers down my spine.

I know theres something different.

"Pull the lever in 10 seconds." Someone says to me.

That someone is in a lab coat. Lab coats are familiar. The doctor is familiar.

"Pull the lever." I pull it.

Then the screaming starts.

"Seven! Seven! Please!" Its Gerards voice coming from the box.

"Gerard?" I say.

"Seven, please, you dont know what youre doing to me!"

I turn around to reach back for the lever but its gone. "Its gone!" I yell.

"Please, its at my waist!"

I run towards the water, looking for a way to stop him being hurt. Under the water, at the bottom, something glints and I know what it is. My heart drops.

"Seven?" Gerards cry send something into my heart as I kick off my shoes and jump.

Only mid air do I realise what Im letting myself into. Im jumping into my worst nightmare. I can hear Gerards voice start to gargle as I barely stay above the water by the cage.

Ive got to help... and fast.

I hate water.

3...

I hate water.

2...

But not enough to leave Gerard behind.

1...

I take a deep breath and let myself sink. The water engulfs me and I choke back a sob as I drop down in the water. Eventually my foot touches a lever and my hands grasp for it. Everything is so much slower under water and the wait for movement is painful.

Pulling the lever is so hard. I cant move it. Looking up, Gerard is slack on the bottom of the cage and my chest burns for air.

I pull at it again but it seems to be a dud of some kind...

I wake up screaming with someone shaking me. Ray has two fingers on my neck and the rest grasping around my throat.

"Seven? Seven!" Ray is shouting.

"What?" I breathe, overwhelmed by the crowd around me.

"You werent breathing. Breathe for me, please!"

I take deep breaths and realise how bad my lungs hurt.

"I thought you were dead."

I shake my head slowly, gasping for breaths.

I have to take a moment to breathe, being careful to close my eyes before thinking of talking again. How did they know? What if they didnt notice...

"Im going to go for a walk." I shake my head.

"Stay safe... Be back for lunch, yeah?" He smiles, brushing his hand over my head before leaving.

I get dressed quickly and slip outside. I need to go and breathe some cold air. I need to clear my mind.

As soon as I step outside I hear the beep. I sighs and wring my hands out, I dont want to think about it now. The more steps down the street I walk, the faster the beeping happens. I walk faster as if I can escape it, barely noticing where I am walking. The beeps get closer and closer until I end up somewhere I havent seen before.

That cant be good.

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