My Stepbrother.

I'm Sorry

I took the seat opposite her, pulling the chair out as quietly as possible, feeling sick to my stomach. I could tell she was worried. It was written all over her face, it may as well have been written on her forehead. "Lau baby, talk to me please what happened between you and Michael?" I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, my heart beat thumping through my chest, I couldn't look her in the eye, I was just one big huge disappointment to her. "Lauren I'm worried about you, we all are" I laughed softly knowing full well it was only her who was worried.

"Mum, I can't be here anymore" I spoke down towards the table, knowing if I spoke towards her I'd cry again for the hundredth time this week. "What do you mean sweetie" She was being too kind, I'd made her life hell this week. "I can't do it. I can't be here, this isn't my home anymore it hasn't been for a while" I heard her drag the chair back and rise to her feet before kneeling down in front of me.

"Lauren. This is your home before anyone else's. Don't you dare say that" she took her hands and wrapped them under my chin so I was now looking her dead in the eye. Her cheeks were tear stained, the black bags under her eyes added 10 years to her age. She looked tired, she was supposed to be happy. She deserves to be happy.

"But it's not mum. This isn't a home with me. This is your new start and I'm making it hell. I want out and I know you want me out too" I looked past her as I let the words fall out of my mouth. "Lauren, if this is about Daryl and Michael we can sort something out. Daryl still has his old apartment I'm sure he wouldn't mind leaving for a while" I smiled softly "No, I need to leave, I spoke to Harry earlier and I think I ought to stay with him for a while I just need space" I said this with confidence in my voice so she new I was serious.

"How long's a while" she gripped my face tighter as if she could hold onto me and never make me leave. "As long as it takes. This doesn't mean I don't love you. I love you so much mum and I'm sorry for putting you through everything. You deserve to be happy, please be happy" I could feel the tears starting to fall again "Lauren your happiness is my happiness, you are my absolute world and you come first. So if this is what you need remember I'm always a phone call away. I love you, all the way to Tesco's and back, slowly if it's snowing" I chuckled through my tears remembering the joke we had. "I'm sorry" I took her in my arms holding her tight "it's not your fault" she placed a kiss on my head. "You better pack then" I smiled into out hug finally feeling a huge weight being taken of my shoulders.
**
Forcing my feet to walk into my room I plugged in my iPad and clicked onto Spotify, clicking onto my first playlist. Dragging out the white suitcase from under my bed I launched it onto my bed before throwing my body down next to it allowing my hearing to be fully focused on the music surrounding me.
'I count the ways I let you down, on my fingers and toes but I running out' I silently laughed to myself noticing the relevance on the song ' beautiful goodbye - Maroon 5'

"Are you really leaving?" The voice was soft, barely a whisper, I didn't even look up from folding my clothes to reply. "Yes" my voice was blunt, the hurt trying to seep out. "I'm sorry" he sounded weak, like he had been crying for days I daren't look up to confirm this though. "I guess that's something" I continued to place things in the case, "Lauren will you stop for just a second" His voice was strong as he snatched the top I was about to place on top of the others. My eyes darted up, greeted by a stranger, a broken boy, so broken he was out of anyone's limits to fix. The hurt in my eyes melted away, I knew I needed him and he knew he needed me, but neither of us would admit it in that given time. "What do you want Michael?" I was being strong for myself, I couldn't break further.

"I'm sorry Lauren, really sorry" I could tell by the pained expression written all over his face that he was being honest and true full yet there was a nagging in the back of my head telling me that he wasn't. "You said that already but it doesn't fix anything" I was scared the tears would start to fall again. "Please don't go" He placed the shirt he held in the palm of mine his fingertips gliding over my skin. "I have to" my voice cracked as I spoke as a single tear rolled down my cheek. "No you don't" he spoke with uncertainty, knowing that for our lives to work I couldn't be around. "I only brought Rhiannon, because I thought you and Luke had something going on. Holy shit I'm such an idiot. I'm fucking sorry" he shook his head, as his hand pulled through the knots in his hair. "I don't get it" I smile sadly, confusion on Michael's face. "Why are you apologising? What is this going to achieve? We both want different things from each other and it's never going to work so what are we doing?" I elaborated as Michael stayed silent "We're going round in circles and all it's doing is making me really bloody dizzy" the silence stayed as Michael rose from my bed making his way to the door, just as I thought he was leaving he turned to face me one last time.

"Listen, if you're going to leave, that's fine, even though three months ago when I was crying into your neck you said you wouldn't. I understand if you're done but while you're packing all your old shirts and books don't forget to take the photographs where we're smiling. Because when it was good Lauren it was great. Take back every kiss, every night you fell asleep next to me and every shock I felt against my skin when you brushed against me. Take it all back" Tears formed in his eyes and all I wanted to do was prove the impossible and put back every single piece of this broken boy back together again. "Say it and I'll stay" I knew I was asking a lot, but it was worth a shot no matter how hard rejection would hit. "Michael, 3 words, 8 letters"

His face fell to the ground shaking it back and forth "I'm sorry, I can't".