"Grab hold of your date and gather around for this slow one" the twelve year old DJ announced, Ed Sheeran -Thinking Out Loud began to fill the dimly lit hall. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I slowly downed the rest of my drink, is this what the whole of prom is going to be about? Couples slow dancing while slowly drink away the rest of my sanity alone. "Do you want to dance?" Harry hovered over me his hand held out in front of me being slightly hopeful. Just as I was about to skill-fully turn him down, the entrance of the hall opened the individual entering grabbed the majority of people's attention as the door slammed behind him. His eyes caught onto my glare, pain seeping out of every inch of his body. How I longed to kiss it away. "I'm sorry Harry, I need to get some air, I don't feel too great" excusing myself I made my way to the balcony exit.
I let the cool air rush to my face, the fresh air cleansing my once stuffy lungs. Taking the cigarette between my teeth I allowed the cleansed feeling to be replaced by intoxication as I leant onto the balcony staring out at the golf course below me. The night had slowly crept upon us, the sky slowly turning from reds to black bring a light wind along with it. "You have got to be kidding me" He chuckles closing the door behind him, leaving us both separated from the rest of the school. "You hate the smell of smoke, you hate the thought of smoking?" The voice states however it comes across more of a question. "I'm smoking because it's the only way I can remember what your mouth tasted like" the words fall out of my mouth sounding more pathetic than I intended still not facing the figure.
"Do you know what why the fuck are you here?!" I scream my body jolting to face him, tears crawling slowly down my face releasing all the sadness and anger I had built up for a month now. I told him to stay away. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't be around him. "You are one argumentative bitch" he chuckled, even in the heat of every argument we had he still managed to look perfect. "And you are one stubborn ass" I scowled "Do you enjoy arguing Lauren because it's all you ever seem to want to do" he still looked tired, I wondered if he had been sleeping properly since I left, because I know I haven't. "No, but when you turn up here after I told you.." I began screaming over the top of him "I miss you, I really miss you" his eye softened as he spoke my anger flooding away just as I had feared it would. "Michael why are you here?" I sighed, leaning against the balcony ledge staring out at the golf course. "Because it's my prom too and I'm not staying, away just because some crazy ass bitch asked me too" he mumbled unsure of whether I would find it funny, I laughed even though I wanted to punch him. "I hate you" I murmured "I don't think you do" he smiled softly taking my hand in his our fingers interlacing and for the first time in a month I felt perfectly fine. He was completely right, I don't.
"I came to tell you that you look beautiful and to give you this" from his suit pocket he produced an envelope and placed it into the palm of my free hand. "Seeing as I'm not good with words and you don't shut up for five seconds so I can fit a word in. I wrote it down" A sad smiled formed on my lips gripping tightly onto the envelope "If you read it and you still don't want to see me, I understand but if not you'll know where I am" he placed a delicate kiss on my cheek lingering above my skin for longer than he should of before leaving. Staring out into the sunset I played with the envelope in my hands, hesitating whilst I wondered what the hell I was so scared about.
Maybe Michael Clifford had made me scared of love. Absolutely petrified, not because I was scared to love him. But because I am so whole heartedly in love with him. He could never ever do any wrong in my eyes and that's what scares me the most. He is the only one alive that could break me over and over but all I can do is keep on loving him and give him more chances to break me. Taking the envelope in both of my hands I slowly tore away at the opening.
'Lauren,
So you've probably already screamed at me, I've probably already called you a bitch and you've probably called me an ass, but I promise you that's not why I'm here.
I miss you. Like I really miss you. I haven't slept properly in 23 days and when something goes wrong I'm not thinking about what happened; I'm thinking about how much easier it would be if you were by my side. When I succeed at something; I'm not celebrating; I'm thinking about how much better the success would taste if you were here to share it with me. When I'm at a party and everyone is dancing; I'm thinking about how much I want you to hold me in your arms as we dance the night away. When it's 4am and I'm all alone, all I can think about is you.
No one seems to understand that I'm not as strong as everyone thinks. I'm lonely, I'm sick, I'm sad and I'm breaking. And where is everyone else? Replacing me. I'm scared, I really need someone to take care of me but I refuse. My ex she didn't care, she just wanted to have fun, but you. Lauren you, you loved me, nearly to death. And what did I do? I pushed you away. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've been waiting so long for someone to tell me and I just panicked because I'm stupid and didn't see what was right in front of me.
I hope you're doing okay, I'm so incredibly sorry. You're an amazing beautiful person and you deserve happiness. Despite everything you go through and everything you've been through you're still here, fighting for what you want and I admire that. Your dad would be so proud.
Your friends say I don't look much like a lover, they say my cold numb heart can't handle the love of another. And they're not wrong. But that doesn't mean we can't try. That doesn't mean I won't try, for you. Because you, you have managed to creep under my skin and crawl into my mind with such ease it terrifies me and mesmerises me all at the same time. You, I feel like I could do anything for. I cannot and will not promise you that I will be patient and that I will be easy to love. I've had my hearted broken way to many times and I've been disappointed way to many times for my stubborn heart to beat for anyone so easily again. I cannot depend on blind faith anymore; the wrong kind of people tore that kind of faith away from me and I've lost the ability to trust, and to depend on anything but myself. But I will try Lauren. I'll try for you. Darling, please be patient even if I am not. All I ask for is time. Give me time and I will be yours and I would never do any wrong. Give me time and I won't ever go a day without letting you know how special and how undeniably beautiful you are. I don't know how to love, but give me time and I will. I will love you.'
One last tear formed in my eye, I knew exactly what I had to do.
THE END.
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My Stepbrother.
Fanfiction"Stay out of my way, I'll stay out of yours" His words were harsh and bitter but every inch of his face was memorising.
