Chapter 12. The Sweetest Pain

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"You don't have to go looking for love when it's where you came from."

-  Werner Erhard

Chay was holding onto Kim as if Kim was his lifeline and Chay was drowning in the ocean

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Chay was holding onto Kim as if Kim was his lifeline and Chay was drowning in the ocean. He wasn't going to let go — he was never going to let go. The happiness he felt almost hid the reality they were in. It was the dull pain in his chest and something warm and wet on his hands when it all came back to him.

Chay let go of Kim's shoulders, his eyes falling to Kim's chest and stomach covered in crimson red blood. A slight hiccup escaped his lips, his tears dared to fall even more.

"No no no no," he pressed his hands on Kim's wound, trying to stop the bleeding. "No, I — I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, I'm sorry...it should stop, it should stop, it should stop...why it's not stopping? No no no—"

"Hey, hey," Kim pressed their foreheads together once again, holding Chay's blood-stained hands in his own, caressing Chay's knuckles with his thumb, slowly, gently, pressing just a little bit, just to let Chay know that he was there with him.

"Take a deep breath, okay, baby? For me. One deep breath...just like that, that's it. Now, one more—"

"K-Kim."

"Just one more, Chay...see? That's it, you are perfect, my love."

When Kim sensed Chay's pulse calming down and his breath going back to normal he softly whispered, "open your eyes, baby, look at me."

Chay's eyes fluttered open — so tired, so red from crying. Kim was going to make sure that it was the last time something made his moon cry.

"I'll be alright. I promise. It'll heal. It will take a little time but I'm okay, I'll be alright."

"I hurt you — I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't...I didn't..."

"You didn't hurt me, Chay. I pressed the dagger deeper. It wasn't you, it was me," Kim raised his head, pressing a kiss on Chay's forehead, his lips lingering there not wanting to be separated from Chay's delicate body ever again.

"I did it. I started it. If — if it wasn't me you'd be already healed," Chay's voice was hoarse from all that crying, his lips were quivering. He took another deep breath, forcing his hands out of Kim's comforting hold. "You should be mad at me. I understand—"

Kim almost screamed, he took Chay's face in his palms carefully, trying not to stain Chay's beautiful cheeks with blood. "Mad at you? Never, Chay. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. I don't care whether I'm hurt or not. All I care about is that after the most agonising hundred years of my life I have you back in my arms. Something as trivial as the bleeding has no role in this moment. I have you back, Chay. I have you back. I don't care that I'll be hurting for a couple of days, weeks...I'll gladly go through it over and over again. And you know why? Because this pain," Kim put one of his hands on the wound — it wasn't that bad anymore, the blood was slowly stopping, the edges of the wound were already mostly covered with dry blood instead — "this pain is what brought you back to me. It's the sweetest pain I have ever felt."

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