𝙎𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙝 ⇝ 𝙆𝙞𝙖𝙧𝙖 𝘾𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙧𝙖

𝙏𝙒𝙀𝙇𝙑𝙀 {𝘾𝘼𝙉𝙏 𝙒𝘼𝙏𝘾𝙃 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘾𝙍𝙔 }

𝘼𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙤𝙣'𝙨 𝙋𝙊𝙑

I'm woken up to the sun shining brightly in my eyes and the first thing I notice is that I'm not in my own room. I then feel the heavy weight around my waist and I freeze up as the memories come flashing back.

The hot kisses, the sweet words, the feathery touches, the burning stares.

I slip out from Kiara's arms and I stand there, looking down at the sleeping girl as my gut swirls with a horrible feeling.

As fast as I possibly can, I change from the pyjamas I'm wearing into my dress before slipping on my shoes and making my way to the door.

"Alli?" Kiara's raspy voice causes me to tense up, my hand pausing on the doorknob "Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, my mum wants me home" I let the lie slip out of my mouth without looking away from the wood in front of me.

"Were you not going to say goodbye?" She asks in a joking tone.

"You were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you" I answer bluntly.

There's a short silence in which I pull the door open and hesitate before taking a step out into the hall.

"Allison" Kiara speaks up again.

"What?" I snap unintentionally, just itching to run away.

"Why won't you look at me?" The Carrera girl questions me and I can hear the hurt so very clearly in her voice "Is it because of last night?"

"Can we just forget that ever happened?" I ask, spinning around to finally look at her and the hurt expression on her face makes my heart ache with guilt "I don't want anyone to find out about this, Kiara. No one can know"

"Alli, can we please talk-" She tries to plead.

"We have nothing to talk about. It was a mistake and it can't happen again" I cut her off with a stern tone and I barely recognise my own voice.

"You kissed me back, Alli!" Kiara argues "Did that mean nothing to you?"

"I don't know what you want from me, Kie. I'm not gay, okay? I'm straight!" I shout at her.

The dark haired girl looks up at me with big doe eyes filled with tears and my heart breaks as I push down the urge to jump into her bed to wrap my arms around her, disgust filling my mind.

It's not okay for me to feel the way I feel when I'm around Kiara. It's unnatural for us to be anything more than just friends. I can't like girls, it's completely wrong.

"Don't cry" I beg desperately "I can't watch you cry"

"Then leave" Kiara spits out in anger, tears spilling down her cheeks "It's what you're good at"

Instead of arguing with the girl, I push down all my gut twisting feelings and turn, walking away just like she told me to. I hear a sob behind me as I reach the stairs and my eyes water, my pace speeding up to a run.

Before I can even comprehend the fact I'm sprinting through Figure Eight with tears pouring down my face, I have reached my house and thrown the front door open, storming inside.

"Wow, who died?" Thomas gapes from the bottom of the stairs.

"Leave me alone" I cry out, pushing past him to race up the stairs to my room.

I slam my door closed behind me and lock it, not wanting anyone to follow me inside. I walk over to the full length mirror propped up against the wall and the sight of my reflection staring back at me pulls a sob from my lips.

I don't even recognise the girl staring back at me.

If anyone ever found out about my feelings for Kiara, they'd hate me. I'd be a disgrace to my family for even imagining being in love with another girl.

But no matter how disgusted I am of myself or how scared I am of the people I love hating me, I can't possibly find it in myself to stop loving the Carrera girl. She's all I've been thinking about since the moment I met her. She's my last thought at night and my first thought in the morning.

I fucking hate myself for loving her so much that it hurts me.

A scream rips out of my throat and I throw my fist into the mirror, watching through blurred vision as the glass shatters over the ground. A bloody mark is left on the broken glass and I feel my hand flare up in pain but I don't even care.

My eyes focus clearly on my broken up reflection and I feel bile crawl up my throat, feeling physically sick.

Why couldn't I have just been normal? Why do I have to feel like this?

The sound of my doorknob jiggling breaks me out of my self deprecating thoughts and a fist is slammed against the door impatiently.

"Allison, what's wrong? Open the door!" Thomas shouts worriedly "Come on, Al. Talk to me!"

I drag myself over to the door and unlock it, pulling it open to reveal my frantic looking older brother.

"Oh, thank God. You're alive" He breathes out in relief "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" I nod, trying to pull myself together.

"I heard you scream and then something smashed. What happened?" He questions me in concern.

"My mirror broke" I answer simply.

He pushes my door open fully and when his eyes find my bloody shattered mirror, his expression falters with worry.

"You smashed it" He mutters in disbelief, looking down at my bloody knuckles "Why would you do that?"

"I don't know" I croak, my eyes tearing up again.

"D-Do you want me to call Sarah? Or Mom? Or Kiara?" He rambles, looking confused on what he should do and just the sound of Kiara's name pulls another sob from me.

"No" I cry, throwing myself at my brother "I just want you, Tommy"

"Okay. I've got you" Thomas assures me, wrapping his arms around me tightly "You're safe, Alli"

The boy gently rocks me, holding my head to his chest and rubbing my back soothingly as I wail, my chest feeling as though it's been severely battered.