Fall Apart- R.J.L

Miraculous Memory Recall

Moony kidnapping Teddy (again) '76
-Lily

Remus' perspective

I think at some point during my adolescence I just accepted that I would never know love, true love. The kind of love one can only feel in the safety of another's arms. I accepted that I would never know that kind of love because no one could feel safe in my arms the way I would like them to, the way I would in theirs. My 'furry little problem' always got in the way.

This was all before Theodora Malfoy waltzed her pretty little face into my life. Theo, teddy, knows me better than anyone. She knows my every scar, my doubts, my fears, my hopes and my dreams (or most of them). She accepts me, she's not afraid of me.
I am deeply in love with teddy and I'm beginning to believe she could some day reciprocate my feelings.
There's something about her this year, she's different. Her smiles feel like they're just for me and her tears make my heart wrench like it's going to split right in two. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her. I need to tell her. If I ever want to know the kind of love I know only in my dreams I need to tell her. How in the name of Merlin am I supposed to tell her?

We're meeting at the library tonight for another study session. We've been studying together a lot lately, spending all our nights up late talking about alchemy and charms homework. It's been so nice spending all this time with her.

Right now I'm sitting in the common room with James and Sirius, they're arguing over some quidditch practice drama.
"There's no way! It was completely Wood's fault, he was barely paying attention it is not my fault the snitch hit him in the head. You agree with me right Moony?" James' mention of my name draws me from my thoughts.
"Huh? Oh uh yeah."
"See!! Even Moony agrees."
"Moony has no idea what he's agreeing too, he's too busy thinking about his darling Theodora." Sirius mocks.
"She's not my anything and besides I was actually thinking about...Alchemy."
"Alchemy?"
"Mhm."
"Of course that's the same Alchemy you'll be studying at the library later."
"Oh fuck off, look there is nothing going on between Teddy and I."
"But you like her." James jumps in.
"No, Prongs, I don't."
"Yes you do."
"She's Teddy! Our Teddy. The Teddy that we've known since we were 11. The Teddy who cries at thunder and gets way too enthusiastically dressed up for quidditch matches. She's our best friend."
"Wow Moony, we all knew you liked her but I didn't know it was this bad." Sirius looked genuinely shocked.
"I give up." I huff and lean back in my chair.
"If it's any consolation Lily says she thinks Teddy's completely in love with you." James says nonchalantly leaning back and lighting a cigarette.
"What?!." I exclaim. "Has she said something?"
"You'll have to ask Lily this is all second hand information."
"Okay but what did Lily say exactly."
"To be honest... I can't remember."
"You are absolutely no help at all Prongs."
"Well according to you there's nothing happening between the two of you anyway so I guess you don't really need my help."
"So you're saying if I were to maybe admit that I might maybe sort of like Teddy would you suddenly have a miraculous memory recall?"
"Probably not but at least you've admitted it now, first step to recovery Moony."
"I'm not addicted to her!"
"I would beg to differ." Sirius pipes up again. "You're practically attached to her at this point."
"That is so not true, we just study together."

"Alright listen," James starts with a more serious tone than before. "I'm going to give you a piece of advice I wish I'd learned sooner. If you love her, and I'm not saying you do, but if you love her, tell her. Tell her before it's too late or before things get too complicated. Tell her while everything's simple and sweet and before this damn war tears you apart." James looks at me with an air of sadness behind his eyes. We all know this war is getting worse. We all know that we will be the people sent out to fight. I just hadn't thought that James would feel so deeply about spending time with the ones we love. I didn't think he was so morbid and to be honest, I didn't think he loved Lily that much. Of course I knew he loved her, that much was obvious, but I never would've thought he was capable of this kind of love.
"You're right. I have to tell her."
"Hah that's my boy! Don't fuck it up yeah?"
"Yeah." I laugh and try to hold back the massive grin spreading across my face. I'm going to tell her. I'm going to tell her I love her.