Fall Apart- R.J.L

The Order of the Phoenix

"Good Evening to you all." Dumbledore greets the group of ragtag students assembled in his office, accompanied by a handful of aurors. Remus stands between Sirius and Lily. James, Peter, Marlene and Mary also joined them in the office. Alice and Frank are also present at the meeting along with their fellow aurora, Alastor Moody, Gideon and Fabian Prewett, Emeline Vance and Hestia Jones. McGonagall, Flitwick and Sprout also join the ranks.

"As you are all aware by now Ms. Theodora Malfoy has been captured by deatheaters. Seventh years, I would like to introduce you to the Order of the Phoenix, or some of it anyway. We are all here to assist in the attempt to find Ms.Malfoy and return her to St.Mungo's hospital as quickly as possible. Please be aware, Ms.Malfoy is in an extremely vulnerable position, both mentally and physically, therefore it is of vital importance she is found promptly. As she is a Malfoy we suspect her family may be involved in this capture, therefore Alastor I would like you to lead a group to infiltrate the Malfoy Manor. Mr.Potter, I'm aware you have been training your friends in preparation of something of this sort."

"Yes sir." James says sternly.
"Well then I would greatly appreciate your help."
"Mr.Lupin?"
"Yes Professor?"
"I believe you know Ms.Malfoy better than most."
"Lupin, sir."
"Pardon?"
"Teddy prefers Ms.Lupin."
"Ah, well, proving my point then. As you know Ms.Lupin so intimately I'm sure you'll be of great help in finding her. If you could start by recounting any details of her family life you remember, details about the Malfoy Manor or any other locations she may have mentioned."
"Alright."

"Mr.Black, you too are aware I'm sure of some privileged information regarding the death eaters and pure blood supremacists which I'm sure will be of great importance."
"Unfortunately."
"We would appreciate your help on that front. I am aware that you are all young but as you are all of age you are old enough to make your own decisions. If you do not wish to risk putting yourselves in grave danger please do not feel pressured to stay here, however if you wish to save your friend from a frightful fate I urge you to stay, help and fight. You are all remarkably talented wizards and witches, but the decision is yours to make."

The room is silent, but no one makes a move to leave. They stand tall and defiant ready to take on the dangers that lie ahead of them.
"Very well then, tomorrow night Alastor will lead a group of you into the Malfoy Manor unless we receive other information regarding Theodora's location. Thank you all."

The group filters out of Dumbledore's office quietly, the reality of the war finally settling on them. This is what it truly was, fighting for the lives of the people they loved. It wasn't a future anymore the war was happening and it was happening to them.

"Potter, Black, Lupin, follow me!" Moody called gruffly. The boys followed him as he led them down meandering corridors and staircases until they reached a completely deserted office. Moody stomped inside and slammed the door behind the boys once they'd followed him.

"Tell me everything."

One Month later-Remus.

Nothing.
Not a fingernail, not a hair, nothing. It's like she disappeared off the planet. Moody led a mission into Malfoy Manor. He wouldn't let us go with him, said it was to dangerous for our first mission, but we gave him all the information we could. She wasn't there. She isn't anywhere.

I've been starting to lose hope I'll ever find her. What if she wasn't really taken by deatheaters? What if she just escaped and finally finished the job she's been trying to do. What if she's just lying in a pool of her own blood somewhere, or at the bottom of a lake. Maybe that would be better. If she really has been taken by deatheaters. If she's being tortured...maybe she'd be better off dead.
But just the thought of her gone, forever. Not even a gravestone to visit. It's unbearable. I can't focus on school, I can't sleep at night, I can't eat. Nothing can get her off my mind.

The few times I've managed to fall asleep all I dream of is her. It's nothing specific, we're just sitting together by the lake in the sun, or cozied up reading in the common room, or she's asleep beside me while I study in my dorm. When I wake up, she's gone. My bed feels cold...empty. I feel empty.

James, dear old James, he's tried everything the cheer me up. Chocolate, new books, records, he even offered to study with me in the library- a very rare event. Nothing works. I can tell Sirius is more worried and upset than he lets on, he seems to be acting perfectly normal but at night I hear him scurry into James' bed and the familiar full muffling of a silencing charm. Peter's been fairly neutral to the whole situation. He seems to be as content as ever, although he and Desdemona did break up, she left him for some Hufflepuff sixth year, he didn't take it well.

Lily has been trying to keep me on track for the NEWTS but her attempts are futile. There's no real point anyway, it's not like I can get a proper job once I leave school.

Tonight we have an order meeting, our third this week. We've yet to be sent out on a mission and the meetings are beginning to feel insanely repetitive and unproductive. All I want is to leave this fucking school and go find her but Dumbledore refuses to let us.

We've been using the room of requirement for meetings, it seemed like a better place than Dumbledore's office. The room is full of people milling around when I enter, awaiting Dumbledore's arrival I presume.

"Hey Rem!" Mary greets me kindly, embracing me in a warm hug. She's soft and smells like vanilla. Mary's always been kind to me but recently she's been particularly affectionate, something I've tried to stay oblivious to but it's becoming more and more frequent. I'm worried she may have questionable ideas of what may become of our friendship. I mean, yes technically Teddy and I are broken up but she's missing for Merlin's sake and I haven't stopped loving her, nor will I ever.

I follow Mary over to our friends and Dumbledore appears not long after. The room goes quiet the second he enters and the mood shifts significantly. Suddenly everything seems solemn and serious.

"Thank you all for gathering on such short notice. We have information on the suspected whereabouts of Theodora which I felt was pressing. We've learned from a source that she may be held somewhere on the Carrow estate. As you may have noticed we are short on numbers as we have other ongoing missions. As a result, Mr.Potter?"
"Yes sir?"
"You and your friends are to join our other aurors on this mission."
"Yes sir." James nods gravely, glancing around at his friends for confirmation. I nod with a stoney face and Sirius seems to be trying to hide his excitement.
"Mr.Longbottom will be leading the mission, please stay back to meet with him and discuss how you will proceed. That's all for now, thank you."

Dumbledore sweeps out of the room swiftly and we hang back waiting for instruction.

Frank gathers us around a large table. He rolls out a map of the Carrow estate and points out our point of entry, places we will each have to search and we discuss our exit strategies.
"We leave tomorrow night, 10pm. Be here, in dark clothes, prepared." Franks usual happy face has fallen into a more weathered, sombre one. Is this what will happen to us all? Will our sprightly young bodies be withered by this war? I fucking hope not.

Tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night I will find her.
Tomorrow.