awkward.

fifty-nine

OTM

I don't know why I keep fucking up.

Bey is basically the nicest girl on the planet and best girlfriend ever, I don't know why I keep hurting her.

I feel terrible. This time, I really didn't mean to.

I don't even know if we're broken up, but she said we'll talk so I don't think we are.

I was in bed looking at pictures of us. I forced her to take half of these but she still looked just as happy as me in the pictures.

I was confused when someone rang on my doorbell. It was past midnight and my mom was already home so I know it wasn't her ringing the doorbell for whatever reason.

There's only so many other people who could be at the door.

I slipped out of bed before whoever it was woke my mom up went downstairs. Bey was the last person I was expecting to see when I opened the door.

She was crying, she had to have been for a while because her shirt was wet. It looked like she was about to go to sleep because she was in grey sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"What's wrong? What happened?" I didn't hesitate pulling her into the house and hugging her.

She started crying on my shoulder. "I can't be mad at you right now, I need you."

"Okay, come with me." We had to break the hug while I closed the door and she kicked her shoes off.

I held her hand and walked her upstairs. She was trying to be as quiet as possible, she's always so respectful.

We went up to my room and I quietly closed the door. "What's wrong?"

"I- I just need you."

I laid down on my bed and opened my arms for her. "Come lay on my built in pillows." No matter what I'm always going to make a joke. That's my problem.

She got into my bed and actually laid on them. "I'm sorry for showing up unannounced again."

"You can come over here whenever you want and you never have to call. Ever. I'll be here whenever you need.l

She sniffled, "Everybody is so disappointing. Everyone. Bryson was my friend, he disappointed me. You were my girlfriend, you disappointed me. Even my own fucking mother is a disappointment right now."

Were??????

I squeezed her as tight as I could to try to comfort her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything you're going through and I'm sorry for the part I played. I shouldn't have told them."

"You shouldn't have. Ever."

"Where are you staying right now? Is your sister safe?" I changed the subject, I didn't want to make her feel any worse. Not that talking about this was any better.

"We're staying at Kelly's house. She's fine, she loves Kelly just like I do."

"Do you want to stay here tonight?"

She shrugged her shoulder, "I don't know."

"You can if you want to. I'll skip school with you and we can have a fun day."

"Maybe, I need some fun."

"We can have a lot of fun if you want. Maybe even some fun tonight?"

"Fun like what?"

I sang, "Head, shoulder, knees, and toes?"

"You're ready to do that now?" 

"If you want me to. Only if you want me to."