The Ocean

Chapter 23

When a void is created in one's heart, the person can either become one of the two things. Either the person tries to fill up the void by taking in all the temporary joys around, or the person can completely stop feeling things.

I was the first type.

After Serena stopped talking to me, I didn't care much about the others picking on me. I enjoyed being alone. I stayed alone and was happy with my own life. Or maybe I was just pretending to be happy. Lying to myself. I was a kid back then, like c'mon, 8th grade? All of these complicated emotions were starting to get a toll on me. I thought I might lose myself in the process of growing up. It was terrible.

Penny was one of the aspects of my change. Ever since that day in the bus, I found myself staring at her during lectures. What was this new feeling? Love? So suddenly?

Over the span of a month, Penny and I became good friends. I started spending time with her and her friends, and she was a really nice girl. Others, however, like the people in my class, didn't think of me as much of a friend. Like they didn't pick on me anymore, but I never got the feeling of closeness.. the closeness Serena and I had. These guys would make me feel invisible, unwanted, like I didn't belong there. Penny, however was different. She didn't treat me like everyone else. And I liked that about her. She was a good friend.

It was all so sudden, these new feelings in my mind, that I didn't have time to figure everything out. Being a kid, I didn't know much about how emotions worked.

It got weirder though. I found myself finding reasons to sit near her during classes and in the bus, and constantly trying to talk to her and have her attention. The weirdest part of all this? One day I found myself daydreaming, and I was hugging Penny in that dream. What the fuck? What was going on with me? And I didn't seem to 'not like it'. I was somehow okay with it all.

Figuring out everything on my own was hard. It got better in the upcoming months though.