Crisis Of War

{ LXV }

Silence. 

Complete silence. A heavy weight on my shoulders. 

And a big block of cement waiting to crush me again. 

Waiting to break every bone in my body, ready to crush my soul as if my mind isn't splintered into a billion pieces already.  

I've carried the weight of the world on my shoulders since I was a little boy. 

Ever since my mother got murdered in our house. Maybe even before that. 

I've watched my family being slaughtered and put in boxes, because of what we do. Everyone I love has died in front of me and I have gotten back up as if none of it ever mattered. 

As if it didn't ruin me on the inside. 

So why does this feel different? 

Why do I feel this emptiness in my soul? As if half of me is missing. 

Why do I feel like I miss a lung, an eye, an ear, an arm, a leg? 

Why does it feel like the only bright parts of my heart are shut off, unable to make me see the good in life anymore? 

Because he's dead... 

Leonardo is dead. 

No body, no death... That's what I've been telling North the entire time. But now he's gone. 

And we have no body. 

'Rafael.' I look up and stare at Valentina, watching as her tears start to seep through. 

She has been trying so hard to conceal her pain for me. 'Say something.' 

I try finding the words, try catching my next breath, but it doesn't work. 

No body, no death. No body, no death. No body... No fucking death. 

The rings don't mean anything- they just found that because he dropped it or something- No body, no death. 

I get up from my chair and almost run up the stairs, skipping three at a time, before heading to Celine's room. 

But I find her crying in the hall, kneeling in front of Leon's room with the door wide open. 

She looks up at me with teary eyes and holds her phone in her hands. 

'Veah- she-' I step aside, peeking into the room, finding North laying on the bed wrapped in the sheets. 

'What did they say?' I say, wondering where my voice is coming from. 

Because I can hear myself talk, I can hear the words coming out of my mouth, but it doesn't feel like I'm the one talking. 

Celine cries into her arms and all I can do is look as her body trembles with pain. 'Celine.' 

I want her to look at me and tell me what it is they said exactly, but I can't make myself move an inch.