The Right Time (Lestappen)

Help Me (part one)

TW: This chapter deals with the same issues as previous chapter (homophobia/discussion of conversion therapy) again no specific details so is not graphic but TW for anyone who might find this issue too distressing - skip this chapter as mental health obviously always comes first <3

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Charles' mind hadn't really been on the race. Still, he had managed to climb from a starting position of eleventh up to fourth which wasn't too bad a result. For once he was actually happy that he hadn't gotten on to the podium, he didn't think he would be able to plaster on a smile and celebrate when he had much more important things on his mind. He had been waiting for the right moment to confront Jos, he ideally needed him to be alone but that was proving difficult.

Jos was currently sat in Max's drivers room running through the post-race analysis with his son. Max was trying his best to concentrate on the information Jos was giving him. He had always previously enjoyed analysing his performance. Even when he had won Jos would pick up on all the tiny errors he had made and Max was sure that this was what had made him a better driver. Today though he was struggling to even keep his eyes open and the words had seemed to have lost all meaning. He wasn't sure if it was lack of sleep or the medication he had started on but his dad's words were hazy and he tried to grasp for them but they slipped away.

In his tired state his mind drifted back to Charles, he needed to see him, speak to him, hold him but all he had managed was a few stolen glances across the paddock. He felt as though he had been neglecting his boyfriend and he had kept promising to make things up to him but he was slowly losing hope of things ever returning to normal. He realised he wouldn't blame Charles if he found someone else, someone better, someone who didn't have quite so much baggage.

Jos looked up and spotted the distant look in Max's eyes, it was clear his son was not concentrating. Normally he would be mad, but in the grand scheme of things it didn't feel as important as usual.

"We can discuss this in more detail after summer break" Jos said. It seemed pointless to carry on when Max seemed incapable of giving it his full attention.

Max nodded wearily. He knew that the subject of the summer break was looming and he was sure his dad was going to be furious with him when he told him his plans. He shifted his focus to his hands as he tried to look anywhere but directly at his father.

"About the break, I am thinking I will go and stay with mum for a couple weeks" he lied.

In reality he had promised Charles that he would be there for him when he came out to his family. He remembered a few weeks back when Charles had excitedly shown him the cottage he had booked and explained that they could have a few nights alone before his family joined them. It had looked so romantic with the old fireplace and piano in the living room and the hot tub overlooking the private land. Charles had been so excited about it all and Max didn't want to let him down. The thought of escaping together with Charles had kept him going as he counted down the days to summer break hoping, perhaps unrealistically, that his dad would allow him some breathing space.

"No, that's not a good idea" Jos said plainly.

"Dad, I am going, I already have it planned" Max said trying to assert even a small amount of dominance over his own life.

Jos has suspected that his son may try and take advantage of the break in the racing season to get away for a bit but he wasn't about to let him undo all the good work that they had completed over the past few weeks.

"I have already booked you a break" Jos responded, matter of factly.

"A holiday? Me and you?" Max felt stupid as soon as he said the words. He knew it wasn't a break for the two of them and he pitied himself for being so desperate for affection from his father when it was obvious now that it wouldn't happen unless he was willing to completely change who he was.

"We can go away after if you like?" Jos said trying to placate his son, "First I have booked something for you, a place that can help you with what you have been working on these past few weeks without distractions"

"No" Max said worriedly.

"Max, this place, it does good work and after the two weeks we can go back to normal" Jos said, trying to keep his voice light hoping that showing some level of kindness may win his son over.

"No, I won't go" Max said as firmly as he could.

"Max you either go or you wake up tomorrow with front page stories plastered everywhere about you and Charles, you decide" Jos decided kind wasn't the way to go. Max obviously needed to be treated with a firm hand.

Before Max could work out what to do he looked down as his phone started vibrating, the screen lit up as the incoming call came through, Christian. The Red Bull team principle had been concerned about Max's behaviour earlier in the day, he didn't seem to be his usual self but he had barely had chance to get Max alone to talk. As Max went to answer the call Jos intercepted, grabbing the phone in one swift movement.

"Think about it carefully" Jos warned Max as he stepped outside to take the call.

Left alone Max felt himself starting to panic. Without thinking he started to throw his things in his bag, getting ready incase he decided he was going to make a run for it. As he was erratically grabbing things he noticed the stack of literature in his dad's satchel and reached out and grabbed it. As he held it in his hands, leaflets about the treatment facility stared back at him. His worse nightmares in print. His hands shuck as he opened the pages. Page after page of different treatment options, some of them he recognised already, most of them he didn't but as he turned the pages the options seemed to get worse and worse. Then he realised the pages had been marked up and notated. He felt like he was going to be sick. Up until know he had tried to lie to himself, tell himself that his dad didn't know was happening in the therapy room but now it was there in black and white. Not only had his dad known but he had specifically requested it.

With the leaflets in his hand he let his instincts take over and bolted it out of the door past his dad and started running. He knew even in his weakened state his dad couldn't catch up with him, he just needed to go and find somewhere safe where he could think. His mind was racing so fast he wasn't sure where to go. He knew he couldn't hang around Red Bull. He wanted to run to Charles, it was the only place he wanted to be but he knew it would be the first place his dad would look. He really didn't want Jos causing a scene and making things difficult for his boyfriend. He thought about going to Mercedes, he was sure Lewis would be there, but he was so confused he didn't know if that was a good idea or not. Everything was spinning and his chest felt restricted, he didn't know where he was running he just knew he couldn't stop until he was safe. Then he spotted Sebastian Vettel heading through the paddock and he practically launched himself at the Aston Martin driver.

"Help me" was all Max could stutter out as he thrust the leaflets into Seb's hands. 

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Just like always I want to say thank you for reading and for voting and commenting. I appreciate you all. I know I probably update this too often sometimes 🤣 I just post when I write the chapters rather than store them!  I guess you can just catch up as and when but thank you for sticking with me !!  Next chapter will be published later this week.