The Right Time (Lestappen)

Clearing the air

Next chapter, a bit more dialogue than I normally include but they had to talk things through! Hopefully you all still enjoy :)

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It hadn't been the Japanese GP that Max had been expecting. Having to sit out on the sidelines whilst he watched his closest championship rival, Lewis Hamilton, take victory was excruciating. Even worse, there were still obvious tensions between himself and Charles. They had been sharing a hotel room but things had not gone back to normal. It was obvious they needed to clear the air but they had been putting it off, using the excuse of not wanting to distract Charles during the race weekend. Now back in their hotel room on the Sunday night there were no more excuses. They sat down ready to talk things through under the promise of no shouting and no storming out.

"Are you still mad at me?" Charles decided to start off direct, there was no point dancing around the issue.

Max didn't respond instantly, he was still mad but as the days had gone by he wondered whether his anger had been misplaced. Still, he knew he had not been as affection over the last few days. The goodnight kiss he always gave Charles before bed had disappeared, now rather than wrapping his boyfriend in a hug each night he simply turned the light off and turned away from him.

"Max, tell me what you are thinking?" Charles knew they needed this talk however uncomfortable it might be.

"I'm thinking that you went behind my back" Max murmured.

"To protect you" Charles interjected. He appreciated that Max wasn't happy about the situation but he was fed up of having to pretend that he was in the wrong, he had done what he thought was best and he would do exactly the same again.

"I told you they would stop me racing" Max responded getting a little annoyed as he thought about the prospect of his career being over.

"Max it's only temporary"

"You don't know that"

"Max, I- " Charles wanted to reassure him, to tell him he would be back in the car before he knew it but he couldn't. He really wasn't sure when Max would drive again, or even if Max would drive again. The physical examinations had all come back clear but that didn't mean there weren't psychological issues that needed resolving.

"What do you want from me?" Charles asked feeling exasperated, he just wanted to be able to make things right.

"To apologise"

"For protecting you?"

"No for taking away the one thing I love" Max snapped, trying his hardest not to raise his voice but as soon as he saw the look on Charles' face he realised what he had said.

"The one thing?" Charles felt a strange mix of anger and sadness hit him all at once.

Max was immediately apologetic, letting him know that he didn't mean it, that he loved Charles more than anything but Charles couldn't help but feel that in the heat of the moment Max might have made his true intentions clear.

"Max, when I look to the future I see us with a family and yes we have the championship trophies displayed proudly but they are a backdrop, they aren't the main event"

"That's what I want too Charlie"

"No, in your perfect future your trophies are front and centre and I'm just an extra in the background"

"That's not true, that's not fair" Max protested.

"You think I did something wrong because I might have ruined your championship but I did it to protect you, don't you get that?"

"I know but-"

"No, there is no but"

Max didn't know what more to say. Everything was spiralling out of control. His dad had betrayed him, had made him go through hell, had hurt him physically and emotionally. Then, when he hoped he could forget all about it, he had been plagued by nightmares, panic attacks and blackouts. Nothing seemed fair. Now he wasn't allowed to race and perhaps even worse he had to go back into therapy, something he was utterly terrified of. The only constant had been Charles and now he felt like he was ruining that too. Unable to really express how he was feeling his fists clenched up, his body tightened and then before he knew it he was sobbing.

"I'm just scared Charles" he cried as Charles moved closer to him and wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in for a hug.

"You can't just pretend things aren't happening. We have to make sure you get better" Charles whispered gently

"I'm sorry I shouted at you Charles, It wasn't fair of me" Max was still crying, his shoulders moving up and down in a ragged fashion

"It's okay Max, we are going to be okay" Charles gently stroked his fingers through Max's hair, holding him close to his chest.

As Max eventually managed to calm down he allowed himself to breath properly. He really had been mad this last week but when he thought about it he wasn't really mad at his boyfriend. He was mad at his dad, mad at what those people had done to him in 'therapy' and mad that he couldn't race. He was mad at so many things but he wasn't mad at Charles. It made him feel guilty. Guilty for ignoring Charles for most of the week, guilty for making Charles believe that it may have been over between the two of them and guilty for ignoring Charles' birthday when Charles had made such a huge gesture for his birthday. He wished he could go back to the beginning of the week and start over again. 

"I didn't even wish you happy birthday" Max said rather dejected.

"It's okay, we will have plenty more birthdays together, you can make it up to me next year" Charles said softly planting a small kiss on Max's lips.

"I did get you these" Max suddenly remembered the box of chocolates he had hastily picked up earlier that day.

He reached into his backpack and handed the box to Charles. He felt almost embarrassed it was definitely not the present he had envisioned getting his boyfriend. Especially not after Charles had made such a fuss over him on his birthday. Still, his heart melted as he saw Charles happily tucking into the chocolates, seemingly happy enough with the small gift.

As they climbed into bed that night Max wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and hugged him tightly before giving him a goodnight kiss. As he flicked the light off he couldn't help but feel bad about the impersonal belated birthday present. Charles deserved so much more. Charles deserved the gift Max had bought for him weeks ago. Charles deserved the gift Max had planned to give him before they had spent the last week arguing. The gift Max still wanted to give him but wasn't sure now was the best time. Charles deserved the engagement ring Max had tucked away in his backpack.

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Thanks to everyone who is still reading, can't believe I got to chapter 42, maybe I will try and get to 50! Thanks to everyone who takes the time to vote and to comment, always love to hear what you think, you are all great <3 <3