The Right Time (Lestappen)

Bouquet

3 chapters in 3 days, why not! TW - mentions of death and of Jules 

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Charles had been hoping to sleep on the flight from China to Japan but he couldn't settle. He hadn't spoken to Max for four days, or more accurately Max hadn't spoken to him. He had tried calling and tried leaving voicemails but there was nothing but silence. It was not unexpected, he knew that Max was going to be angry with him for speaking to Christian but he really had been left with little choice. Even now he was sure he had done the right thing but that didn't mean that he felt good about it.

He had been anticipating the shouting and the screaming and the Dutchman had done that in abundance. Charles had even anticipated the crying, Max was truly beyond devastated. What he hadn't quite prepared himself for was the way Max had looked at him, like he had completely betrayed him, like he could never trust him again. He kept replaying their argument over and over wishing he could have articulated himself better, wishing he could have made Max understand but Max wasn't willing to listen.

It seemed that the Red Bull driver had right about the consequences. He wouldn't be able to race in Japan or the US, in fact he wouldn't be stepping back in a car until there had been a complete medical evaluation, progress reports and a thorough sign off. He could be out for two or three races or he could be out permanently, the latter was too much to even think about.

Charles tried to distract himself from his thoughts by flicking on an in flight movie but he really couldn't concentrate enough to follow the plot. He kept thinking back to the look of anguish that was plastered across Max's face as the Dutchman explained that he was being forced to speak to a psychologist. The thought of going back into therapy had filled him with fear. It was understandable given his previous experience. As Charles had watched his boyfriend shaking he had wanted nothing more than to hold him and tell him it would be okay. He couldn't though, Max had shrugged off his advances and continued to throw his belongings into a suitcase wanting to be as far away from Charles as possible.

As the Dutchman had stormed out of the room and down to reception he really had no idea where he was going. He couldn't catch a flight last minute and the hotel was apparently fully booked. He had told Charles he was going to see if Lewis would take him in, he knew full well that the mention of the Brit would drive Charles crazy. As he saw the hurt in Charles eyes he had taken it one step further telling him that Lewis would have never gone behind his back, that Lewis would have understood him, that Lewis would have never put his championship at risk. It was a low blow designed to hurt and it had worked perfectly.

Suitcase in hand Max had made his way back to the elevator and up to the forth floor. However, he had not gone to Lewis' room, instead he had gone to Sebastian and the German driver had welcomed him in with a look of concern on his face. Luckily for Charles, Seb had also discreetly text him to let him know Max was safe. It was the last time Charles had heard from Max and the longer the silence continued the more Charles worried that he had put in motion something that could never be rectified.

Japan had been the last place he had wanted to be alone and as he headed out on to the track on the Thursday evening he wished he had asked Pierre or Carlos to accompany him. It was always emotional to return to the place where Jules had had his accident. Each year Charles was sure he was prepared for the feelings it brought up but each year it seemed to overwhelm him. In previous years he had tried to keep his mind solely focused on the race, blocking out everything he was actually feeling. This year was different. Clutching a small bouquet of flowers he headed out to turn seven to lay them down. Max should have been with him, his boyfriend had promised to be there but Charles had to make his way across track alone.

As he made it to the run off area he lay the flowers down and stepped back allowing himself to take in everything he was feeling. The flowers were bright and beautiful against the gravel backdrop. A stark reminder of the dangers of the sport and how quickly the beauty of life can be ripped from you. 

He stood still, soaking in the atmosphere as well as the gentle rain fall. Surrounded only by the silence of the track he let himself cry. He barely noticed the figure behind him until they took hold of his hand. As he turned to see Max stood next to him he felt his heart skip a beat.

"I thought you were mad at me." Charles asked as he held on to Max's hand tightly.

"I am" Max was direct but there was no harshness to his voice, "but I wasn't going to let you do this alone."

The Dutchman stood staring at the bouquet that had been lovingly placed down, a symbol of Charles' love for his godfather and the loss that he had suffered. Charles was still crying softly next to him as the two men stood hand in hand.

"I don't want to lose you too" Charles voice was quiet, almost a whisper, like he was scared that any more would scare Max away again..

"You're not going to lose me" Max's voice was a little gentler now.

"I thought you were dead. In the crash, I thought you'd left me"

"I'm always going to be here Charles. I promise, I'm not going anywhere" Max's voice was now soft, comforting and he lent in and pressed a kiss up against his boyfriend's head.

As he watched Charles looking down at the flowers he knew deep down that his boyfriend had done what he had because he loved him, because he didn't want to lose him and because he didn't want to have to lay a bouquet out on track for another person. Max was determined to get better not just for himself but for Charles. 

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So I think I went on a bit of a writing spree the past few days, sorry about that I can't control myself haha! The next chapter will probably be Friday now (but my ability to stick to planning is zero!)

Thank you to all you lovely people who have read, voted and commented <3 <3