The promised neverland oneshots + more

haikyuu incorrect quotes- karasuno version

Hinata : *falls down the stairs*
Daichi: Are you okay?
Asahi: Stop falling down the stairs!
Tsukishima : How'd the ground taste?

Narita: Is there anyone here who's actually straight?
Yamaguchi : *raises hand*
Tsukishima : *puts their hand down*

Kageyama: Thanks for opening my message and not responding.
Tsukishima : All good bro, any time.
Kageyama: Fuck you.

Tanaka : And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.
Tsukishima : You mean you stabbed them?
Tanaka : They ran into my knife.

Tanaka : BWWAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, you hear that? That's the wrong opinion alarm.
Tsukishima : That is not something you actually have installed.
Tanaka : Sorry, say again? I couldn't hear you over my alarm that YOU SET OFF with your WRONG-ASS OPINION.

Nishinoya: Go big or go home!
Yachi: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home.
Nishinoya: I'm going big!

Nishinoya: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP-
Ennoshita: ...Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE??
Nishinoya: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

Ennoshita: The first time Hinata opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside they yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"

Sugawara: So, according to my university, it is, quote, "my responsibility if there is an internet outage to contact the faculty and the department."
Sugawara: Now, if you're a critical thinker like me, you might be wondering one thing.
Sugawara: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EMAIL THE DEPARTMENT?!?!?!

Daichi : Can you cut me some slack, Sugawara? I'm sort of in love.
Sugawara: I'm sorry, but that's really not my problem.
Daichi : I'm in love with you.
Sugawara: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

Hinata : Watcha doin?
Nishinoya: Stealing my neighbour's cat.
Hinata : Scandalous.
Hinata : Can I help?

Nishinoya: *is visibly upset*
Tanaka : Nishinoya, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out candyland wasn't an actual country.

Tsukishima : Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Ennoshita: >:O language
Yamaguchi : Yeah watch your fucking language
Sugawara: Okay, who taught Yamaguchi the fuck word?!
Tsukishima : 'The fuck word'.
Asahi: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Yamaguchi : Oh my god they censored it
Tsukishima : Say fuck, Asahi.
Yamaguchi : Do it, Asahi. Say fuck

Tsukishima : You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?
Kinoshita: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Tsukishima : That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.
Kinoshita: But I heard a siren.
Kageyama: That was Asahi.
Asahi: Sorry, I got nervous.

Ennoshita: Oh, fiddlesticks.
Nishinoya: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.

Kageyama: Okay! Let's play Kiss Marry Kill!
Kageyama: First who would you kill?
*hinata points at Tsukishima *
*Asahi points at Tsukishima *
*tanaka points at Tsukishima *
Tsukishima : *shrugs* I would kill me too.

Kiyoko: What do you do when someone offers you drugs?
Nishinoya: Take them!
Ennoshita: Punch them in the neck!
Yachi: Say thank you!
Tanaka : Offer them more drugs to assert dominance!
Kiyoko: ...
Kiyoko: No.

Yamaguchi: You know what I learned from my friendship with Tsukishima ?
hinata: There's such thing as too mean?
Yachi: Never let your friends know for sure if you like them?
Kageyama: Always hold a grudge?

tsukishima: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.
Hinata , Kageyama, Tanaka , and Nishinoya: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

Tsukishima : Watcha got there..?
Tanaka : *petting a ostrich* A smoothie.

Tanaka : Hey, you want a tarot reading?
Kinoshita: Those are Pokemon cards.
Tanaka : You got a magikarp.
Kinoshita: ...
Tanaka : It means 'fuck you'.

Tsukishima : *fast-forwards all the way through the movie*
Nishinoya: You can't just skip to the happy ending!
Tsukishima : I don't have time for their problems.

Tanaka : Hello friends!
The Squad:
Tanaka : You might be wondering why I'm taped to the ceiling