The promised neverland oneshots + more

Hq- incorrects- nekoma/shiratorizawa ver

yamamoto: Have you done this before?
kenma: Well, yamamoto, it's like if you read the script you come better prepared.
lev: That's not what we do in the US, we don't read things.
yamamoto: I don't read, kenma.

yaku: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Fukunaga: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I'd have 15 cents.
yaku: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you.
kuroo: Actually I did the math, Fukunaga would have $225, not $0.15.
Fukunaga: Fam I'm right here....
kuroo: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
lev: while you're there could you buy me an apply juice please?
kuroo: Sorry I only have a dollar.
yaku: :(
kenma: Hey I just realized nerd is right, Fukunaga would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.
kuroo: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.
lev: You can buy anything you want with $22,500.
kenma: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice.
lev: Apply juice to what.
kenma: Directly to the forehead.
Fukunaga: Great chat everyone.

kenma: What? I'm not aggressive!
lev: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?
kenma: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

lev, ordering coffee: I'd like a light roast.
kenma: You're kinda ugly.

kenma: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.
yaku: ... Your what?
kenma: My friends.
yamamoto: Are they saying "friends"?
kuroo: I think they're being sarcastic.
Fukunaga: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, kenma! All of your friends are in this room.

kuroo: My friends say I'm the most charismatic out of the group.
kenma: Well, you always have a smile on your face.
kuroo: Thank you.
kenma:
kenma: What drugs do you take?

yaku: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
yamamoto: Several traffic violations.
lev: Three counts of resisting arrest.
kenma: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Fukunaga: Also, that's not our car.

lev: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.

yamamoto: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window.
kuroo: ...We're on the ground floor.
yamamoto: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

kenma: Some people are like slinkies.
yamamoto: What?
kenma: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
yamamoto:
yamamoto: Please don't push lev down the stairs.
kenma, pushing lev down the stairs: Too late.

kenma: You... you said I could trust you!!
kenma: You said you were a GAMER!!!
yamamoto: kenma... I only play mobile games.
kenma: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

semi: Someone's trying to break in. Call the cops!
tendou: *loads shotgun* I got this.
semi: Last week you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-
(nah its tendou he probably does- man can be terrifying)

tendou: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.
goshiki: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

tendou: Yum, thanks!
Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.

goshiki: Where's ushijima, shirabu, and semi?
tendou: They're playing hide and seek.
goshiki: Where?
tendou: I don't think you get how this game works.

semi: Why don't we just call it, "M.C. Donald's?"
goshiki: Because it just sounds like a stupid rapper's name.
tendou: It'd just be like- "Eyo, it's ya boy, M.C. Donald!"

tendou: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
ushijima: No, that's not how you make cookies.
shirabu: FLOOR IT!!
tendou: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?
ushijima: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-
tendou: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
goshiki: DO IT!
ushijima: NO-

goshiki: It's impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.
ushijima: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here's one more to further disprove your theory.
tendou: Fuck you.

semi: I need a long word.
tendou: T-rex but the long one.

shirabu: Would you take a bullet for me?
tendou: ...yes?
*goshiki angrily burst into the room*
shirabu: *running away* Great, thanks!

shirabu: Is semi always like this when they lose?
tendou: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 2015.
semi: You bumped that table and you know it!

semi, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?
goshiki: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*
shirabu: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*
tendou: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*
semi: I hate all of you.