Spider-man one-shots

Stop Flirting! [Stuckony]

>This will have NO smut in it, sorry for horn knee readers here. But it'll involve some sex jokes. Cuz cmon people, you should know that I'm a person who makes a buncha sex jokes in real life and digitally. Also, this is short and kinda weird, so like-

It was really starting to get annoying for the team. Tony, Bucky, and Steve keep on flirting with each other, and it was cute before but now it's just plain annoying. But finally, their hopes had been answered, and the flirting has finally come to a stop but with a cost, which introduces us to this day.
It was an ordinary day, including the constant annoying flirts. Peter was just walking around, minding his own business, until he tripped and fell hard on the floor. Now, this is where the interesting part happens, apparently, Peter hit his head too hard on the floor. Not only did it create a concussion, but it made him smarter than ever. He started seeing the secrets of the universe, including how to stop his dad's constant annoying flirts with the 2 super soldiers. So he ran to his aunt Natasha and told her the plan to finally end this constant flirting without involving brutal things to happen. So they gathered everyone, except for Tony, Steve, and Bucky; to help, and of course, they all agreed. They set up everything needed for their plan to work, and the game finally began. 

"Dad!" Peter shouted as he continued running around the penthouse floor. "Peter it's 3 am what the fuck." Tony responded as he slowly appeared in the scene. "I made a drink for you, and no it's not poisoned like last time." Peter smiled as he handed Tony a cup of brown liquid. "wh- can't this like, wait until tomorrow??" Tony asks, slightly confused at his weird son. "drink it NOW." Peter threatened with a slightly disorientated voice. Tony shuddered a bit, yet complied with Peter's requirement. Tony had to admit that it tasted good, but suddenly the whole room started to get a bit foggy, "U-uh Pete? What did you put in this?" Tony asks, trying not to fall asleep right at that moment. "Oh! It's chamomile tea!" Peter responded cheerily, watching his father collapse on the floor, only then to finish his sentence with "and a bunch of sleeping pills." The first step to his plan was a go. 2 super-soldiers left to go!

As the team dragged the 3 unconscious men into the basement, they grinned eerily as they made space for the leader who was led by the name, Peter. "Tie Dad to the pole, Steve to the chair, and Bucky to the vent, please," Peter ordered as the rest of the team saluted their teenage boss. "Uh, Pete? How will this help them stop flirting with each other?" Bruce asked, a little confused by this concept. "Well Uncle Bruce, to get out they will have to talk to each other, and then that's when teamwork comes in. Then they are gonna be forced to stop flirting with each other so that there won't be any distractions. And finally, they might see the error in their flirty ways and will hit on each other without actually flirting that much." Peter responded, kinda proud of himself for making this FANTASTIC plan. "I have no idea if that's gonna work but, eh." his aunt Wanda said as she levitated Bucky onto the vent, and tied up the knots. Peter dragged his dad and tied him to the pole as the rest of the team tied Steve onto the chair. "Mk, welp we're done here. Let's go," Peter said as he led the group out of the basement, locking the door behind him. Let's just say that when the trio awoke, screeching could be heard, it was probably Tony. And other than that while Tony continued stressing, Steve and Bucky enjoyed their gifted view of Tony from Jesus himself, and they never made it out of the basement alive.

The Fucking End