Simmons: Hey.
Grif: Yeah?
Simmons: You ever wonder why we're here?
Grif: That's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here?
Blitz: *enters the conversation* Yeah. I mean, are we a motherfuckin' product of some sort of cosmic dumbass.
Grif: Is there even a God watching everything, you both know with a plan for us and shit? I don't know, guys, but it keeps me up at night.
Blitz: Yeah but mine is a lot more traumatic as I betrayed everything I loved. My Ex-girlfriend, my company, my brother, and a lot more. It sucks, to be honest.
Simmons: What? I meant why are we out in this canyon?
Grif: Oh, yeah.
Blitz: Oh shit.
Simmons: What's all that stuff about God and Blitz what was that about your old life?
Grif: Nothing.
Blitz: It was fucked from the beginning.
Simmons: You two want to talk about it?
Grif: No.
Blitz: Yes.
Simmons: Are you both sure?
Grif/ Blitz: Yeah/ I need therapy.
Simmons: Okay but seriously though, why are we out here? And Blitz I'll help you.
Blitz: Thanks.
Simmons: No problem anyway as far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out.
Grif: Mm-hm.
Simmons: The only reason that we set up a red base here, is because they have a blue base over there. And the only reason they have a blue base over there, is because we have a red base here.
Grif: Yeah, that's because we're fighting each other.
Simmons: No, no, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today and they were to come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.
Blitz: What's up with that bullshit anyway? I mean I came here on accident.
Grif: I signed up to fight some aliens. The next thing I know, Master Chief's blowin' up the whole Covenant Armada, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys.
Blitz: Yeah pretty much.
Meanwhile
*Church was watching them on his sniper rifle*
Tucker: What are they doing?
Church: What?
Tucker: I said, what are they doing now?
Church: God damn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!
Tucker: You have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit! Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick.
Church: Okay, okay, look. They're just standing there and talking, okay? That's all they're doing. That's all they EVER do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week with that weird-ass demon I guess. That's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So five minutes from now, when you ask me "What are they doing", my answer's going to be, "They're still talking, and they're still standing there."
Tucker: What are they talking about?
Church: You know what? I fucking hate you.
Cut to the Reds
Blitz: Talk about a fuckin' waste of shit.
Grif: Yeah we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life.
Blitz: So we could y'know, fight 'em.
Simmons: Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge.
*Sarge*
Sarge: Ladies and son!
Blitz: Sup new dad.
Sarge: Front and center on the double!
Blitz/ Grif/ Simmons: Got it, dad./ Fuck./ Yes sir!
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue with one Helluva Visitor: Blood Gulch Chronicles
FanfictionBlitz was having the worst days of his life after that incident at Ozzie's, Blitz decided that he needed to get some air on Earth but it didn't look right Blitz decided to enter the portal but in doing so he accidentally trapped himself there. With...
