*Sheila and Lopez approaching Red Base. Tucker driving Sheila*
Tucker: Ahh, Sheila we have to slow down or we're gonna run into that jeep!
Sheila: Please take evasive action. Please take evasive action.
Tucker: You take evasive action! Hey, Lopez, help me out! Can't you talk to her?
Lopez: Perdóname. Pero no puedo hablar con mujeres bellas porque sudo. [Sorry. I'm not good at talking to beautiful women. I get sweaty.]
Pauline: How the hell do you get sweaty?
*Gold and Donut are crouching behind the Jeep*
Donut: Well old buddy, it looks like this is the end for us. Since we're going to die anyway, there's only one thing left for us to do. Gold-
Gold: Uhhh yeah?
Donut: -let's make a break for it!
Gold: Alright! In that case, let's go on 3.
Donut: Okay, you count.
Gold: Okay. (he turns around and Donut stands up) 1....(Donut runs away) 2.....(he turns around and sees Donut running) What the- HEY! *gets run over by Shiela crushing him, launching the Warthog, and Lopez*
Inside Red Base
Sarge: Good golly Miss Molly what is going on out there?!
Donut: Sir, the Blues are attacking with their tank. Th-they blew up the Warthog! Again.
Simmons: I wonder what ever jeeps did to those guys.
Donut: Gold and I had barely had enough time to make it out of there. Right Gold?
Gold: *enters Red Base and is recovering* Yep! After you abandoned me...
*Inside Caboose's Mindscape*
Church: Why the hell did they pair me up with you?
Mind Church: I want to keep an eye on you!
Church: Well, this is going to be a great trip.
*Mind Church approaches the ledge overlooking the area*
Mind Church: Attention Reds! The great Caboose demands an audience with you! So listen up, you blowjobbing cocksuckers!
*Caboose's Red Team appears as Sarge has a pirate's accent, Grif with yellow armor, a female Donut, Lilith, and Gold with a ring on their fingers*
Mind Simmons: Caboose? Oh no, he's come to kill us!
Mind Grif: Would someone please help me, I don't want to die!
Mind Donut: I love Caboose, and yet I'm so afraid of him!
Mind Sarge: Argh, I be having a southern accent, your luck.
Mind Donut: He's so scary.
Mind Gold: Hi! We're married!
Mind Caboose: Fear not reds, I come here not to destroy but instead to ask for your assistance on this day.
Church: Okay whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, I gotta correct a few things I'm hearing here. First of all you (to Mind Church) you're not Caboose's best friend, okay? You don't have a best friend, ya know why? You don't need one! You're Church! Knowing other people just waters down the experience. Live the dream buddy.
Mind Church: Shove it, dick sniffer!
Church: And Caboose, come on dude, seriously. Have you paid attention to our enemies for one second?
Mind Caboose: I beg your pardon?
Church: First of all that guy (referring to Grif) he's not yellow, he's orange. And since when is there a girl on the red team?
Mind Donut: My favorite thing is pretty dresses.
Mind Sarge: Argh, I got termites in me leg!
Church: And that is not a southern accent.
Mind Sarge: Argh!
Mind Donut: Do you have any tampons?
Church: Also those two. *gesturing to Gold and Lilith* Aren't married.
Mind Lilith: Of course, we are you dummy. By the way, I still hate you.
Church: Seriously, what is the matter with you people?
Tex: Calm down Church.
Mind Grif: Don't kill us Mister Sidekick!
Mind Church: Hey butt brunch! I'm Caboose's sidekick, not him, so shut your pie hole! *he's suddenly shot in the head by a sniper rifle*
Church: Leonard, are you okay?
Mind Church: Ah, please! That fudge finger couldn't hit me. No wait, I'm gonna die. Herg! (collapses) Blow me. (dies)
Tex: There he is!
To be Continued
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Red vs Blue with one Helluva Visitor: Blood Gulch Chronicles
FanfictionBlitz was having the worst days of his life after that incident at Ozzie's, Blitz decided that he needed to get some air on Earth but it didn't look right Blitz decided to enter the portal but in doing so he accidentally trapped himself there. With...
