Church: Freeze! *points his gun at Blitz and Donut*
Donut: Hey, why the hell were you shooting at us? You could've hit us, dick!
Church: Can it. Don't try to play stupid with me, Sarge. I know who you are. We've been spying on you for three weeks now.
Blitz: Look bud that ain't the Sergent.
Donut: Yeah cuz I just got here two hours ago, and I'm not a Sergeant, I'm a Private.
Blitz: And my best friend! *one-armed hugs Donut*
Donut: Yay!
Church: Wait a minute, you're not the Sergeant!
Donut: Yeah, that's just what I just said.
Blitz: But I am! While Sarge is out.
Church: Well, then how did you manage to steal our flag?
Donut: Steal? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!
Blitz: Well if I had to guess you were rude to Donut over here *points to Donut then turns back to Church* then he entered the base and I knocked you and Tucker out and I guess he got the flag because of your Rookie.
Tucker: *emerges from the teleporter covered in black shit* THREE!
Church: JESUS!
Donut: HOLY SHIT!
Blitz: MOTHERFUCK!
Donut: Who is this guy?
Blitz: If I had to guess some guy from Blue Team.
Church: *turns to Tucker* What in the hell? Tucker?
Blitz: I knew it.
Church: Is that you?
Tucker: *looks at Church* H-how did you get up here ahead of me?
Donut: And what's with the black shit on your armor?
Tucker: *turns to Donut* Hey! Freeze, Sarge!
Donut: Would you stop calling me a Sergeant? I'm still just a Private.
Tucker: The Sarge is still a Private?
Blitz: *chuckles* Oh this is gonna be good.
Tucker: Oh, my God. The teleporter sent me back in time!
Blitz: HA! Knew this would be good.
Meanwhile
Grif: *enters the Warthog I mean Puma I mean ahh you get the idea* Hi, Lopez. We need the jeep.
Simmons: *enters the Gunner seat* I'll take gunner. Let's roll.
Grif: *drives to their other team members* How do you turn off the fucking radio?
Simmons: [gunner seat] Don't worry, Lopez! I'll bring her back in one piece!
*Grif and Simmons go to their pals with Lopez just standing there*
Meanwhile
Tucker: Look, I know you don't know me, but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. Sometime in your future, I get stationed here in Blood Gulch, and we meet. And *points to Donut* this guy here, he gets promoted to Sergeant of the Red Team, and we spy on them. And they get this jeep, and I'm all like, "There is no way you can pick up chicks in a tank!*
Church: Tucker, what the fuck are you babbling about?
Blitz: I wish I had popcorn.
Tucker: I know this all sounds crazy, but he eventually becomes a Sergeant, and then one day we get a tank, and he comes and steals our flag and his demon lackey-
Blitz: Hey!
Tucker: -while we're distracted!
Donut: Is this guy a retard? *points to Tucker*
Church: [to Donut]: Red, shut up. [to Tucker] Tucker, listen to me. You haven't gone back in time, okay? This IS the guy that stole our flag, he's just not the Sergeant. *music approaching* Turns out he's just some dumb Rookie who happens to have the same color armor as him. He got in somehow, just-
Blitz: Does anyone else hear that?
Church: FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHAT IS THAT MUSIC?!
*The Red Team calvary is here*
Simmons[on gunner seat]: Woohoo!
Tucker/ Church: Holy shit!/ Son of a bitch!
Church: RUN, JESUS, RUN!
*as the Blues run away the Warthog lands*
Tucker: The jeep followed me back in time!
*Grif exits the Warthog and Simmons is shooting them or trying to shoot them*
Simmons: *yelling and shooting*
Blitz: Hey! Look who showed up to the party!
Church: Ow! Jes-! Ow! Jesus! Ow, ow!
*The Blues take cover while Simmons is still shooting them*
Grif: What the hell is going on here?
Donut: You know what, I honestly have no idea what's going on. I think everyone in this canyon is insane.
Blitz: Let me recap so Donut went to Blue Base got the flag then I knocked out two Blues and they're pissed off at that shit.
Grif: Well how did you get the flag?
Donut: I don't know. I just asked for it.
Grif: Wait, that worked?
Blitz: I guess! *pulls out a sniper rifle and waits for the Blues to come out*
Donut: Yeah. Is it not supposed to?
Grif: I don't know. We've never even thought to try that. Just take the flag to the base, I'll explain there.
Donut: Not until someone tells me what the fuck is go-
Grif: There's no time to explain, Rookie! Just take the flag, and go to base!
Blitz: Then we'll explain everything there!
Donut: Fine! *grabs the flag and heads back to the other base*
Grif:[annoyed] *sigh* Back to OUR base, dumbass!
Blitz: Grif! Don't be so rude.
Donut: Thanks, Blitz! Also, I know. I just got turned around, that's all.
Meanwhile
Caboose: *watching everything from Church's sniper rifle* Oh, man. That's not good. *turns to Simmons* Oh my God, that jeep has a really big gun. *unequips the sniper* Stay here. *turns to tank* Tank. *turns again* Stay here. *turns again* Tank. Ah, screw it. *goes to tank*
Meanwhile
*Church and Tucker are hiding behind a rock while still under fire*
Church: Well, we'll just wait here. That thing's gotta run out of bullets sometime.
The End
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue with one Helluva Visitor: Blood Gulch Chronicles
FanfictionBlitz was having the worst days of his life after that incident at Ozzie's, Blitz decided that he needed to get some air on Earth but it didn't look right Blitz decided to enter the portal but in doing so he accidentally trapped himself there. With...
