*see Donut with pink and Lilith with brand new red armor with violet accents*
Donut: Dude, this is sweet! Command was so happy that I got the Blue flag, they gave me my own armor color!
Lilith: And I finally have my new red armor.
*Grif and Simmons look at each other while Gold admires Lilith's new suit then Grif and Simmons look at Donut*
Grif: Uh... hey, Donut?
Donut: What?
Simmons: Um... About your armor...
Donut: What about it?
Simmons: How do I put this...? Your armor is, um...
Gold: *snaps out of trance* Nice! It does match your style... and your... sexuality... and the plot.
Lilith: I agree.
Simmons: True but um... Grif help me out here.
Grif: It's PINK. Your armor is frickin' PINK!
Simmons: Yeah, that's it. Pink
Lilith: Hey don't be so rude to him bro!
Grif: Sorry sis... but it's true!
Donut: Yeah my armor's not pink!
Lilith: I didn't mean that your armor isn't pink I just said "don't be rude to you."
Gold: Still it's a good look on him.
Lilith: Yeah...
Donut: You guys are colorblind. Why would they give me PINK armor?
Gold: You are quite feminine.
Grif: And don't ask, don't tell.
Simmons: *chuckles* That's not funny.
Grif: *laughs* It's a little funny.
Donut: Look at it. It's not pink! It's like, uh... a lightish red.
Grif: Guess what? They already have a color for lightish red. You know what it's called?
Lilith: Let me guess... pink.
Grif: Yeah pink.
Donut: I hate you guys!
Blitz: *enters the chat* Sup guys!
Sarge: *joins the group as Lopez follows him* Well, hello dirtbags.
Blitz: *sees Donut* Oh when did we get a new girl?
Lilith: That's Donut... and he thinks it's light red. *sighs and whispers to herself* My new shipments from Command should be coming soon...
Gold: What was that?
Lilith: Secret project.
Sarge: What's the secret project?
Lilith: I ain't tellin' ya'.
Blitz: Alright fine.
Sarge: Anyway... Do you have a package for me guys?
Gold: Yeah actually.
Sarge: Excellent.
Donut: They said this speech unit should work with Lopez. *pulls out the speech unit*
Gold: Seems our robot is about to talk!
Grif: Wha?
Donut: Here you go. *hands it to Sarge*
Sarge: Affirmative. Command was fresh out of modules when I started building Lopez. But once I get this baby installed, I'll finally have another person intelligent to talk to... and manipulate the plot with. No offense Simmons.
Simmons: Oh, don't worry. I know who you meant, sir.
Grif: Wait. Lopez is a robot?
Lilith: Bro... he's silent and he drinks gasoline what part of him being a robot doesn't sound like a robot.
Grif: Well I-I-I-I-I... I gotta give that one to you sis.
Lilith: Thank you.
Gold: I got new powers and I'm going to train Lilith soon.
Simmons: Hey sir. You really should ground yourself before handling that card.
Sarge: How come?
Simmons: Because static could damage the card.
Sarge: Come on. That's an urban legend they use to sell those stupid bracelets. And I suppose Pop Rocks and soda're gonna make my stomach blow up!
Gold: Actually-
*it was too late Sarge put in the chip malfunctioning and they can't even manipulate the plot to fix it*
Blitz: Wait. What was that about that we can't manipulate the plot to fix him?
Meanwhile
*Tucker and Caboose got all that black dust off them because of Pauline*
Pauline: Damn that stuff's really hard to take off lucky I got some Windex.
Tucker: Thanks Pauline bow-chicka-bow-wow.
Pauline: I always liked how you say that. Bow-chicka-bow-wow. It won the best quotes of Red vs Blue.
Tucker: I know right?
Pauline: Anyways... I cut off the yellow with gray accents head off but then he grew it back on I guess it's something like Deadpool but more powerful.
Caboose: Hey! What happened at the war against the Covenant?
Pauline: Buckle up pal. This is going to be a long story.
Meanwhile
Donut: So, what happened to me anyway?
Gold: Okay so there was a grenade on your head... and it exploded then Simmons fainted, Tex beat up Grif, and a bunch more stuff.
Grif: (to Simmons) Ha! Told you so!
Simmons: I did not faint! That's more likely than the Author making a 50-Megaton bomb exploding in Season 3 it's going to be an Infinite Supernova Bomb exploding.
*Author: ... GENKINS!!!!*
*Genkins: HAHA!*
*Author: COME BACK HERE YOU FUCKER!!!*
Sarge: *finished Lopez's speech unit* Done and done. Lopez! Activate speech unit!
Lopez: *turns on speech unit* Buenos Dias. Y gracias por activar mi función de voz. Soy el número de modelo 01011348823. [Good morning. And thanks for activating my speech function. I am model number 01011348823.]
Gold: Buenos días López. De nada. [Good morning Lopez. You're welcome.]
Lilith: Wait you speak-
Gold: Spanish? Yeah, I do.
Lopez: Sí, es un placer conocerte también. [Yes, it's nice to meet you too.]
Gold: Está bien, López, ya que no pueden entenderte, seré tu traductor personal. [Okay, Lopez since they can't understand you I'll be your personal translator.]
Lopez: Gracias. [Thank you.]
Blitz: Are there other languages you speak?
Gold: Sí. Oo. 是的。Oui. Jes. はい。And they all translate to... yes.
Blitz: Holy shit.
The End
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue with one Helluva Visitor: Blood Gulch Chronicles
ספרות חובביםBlitz was having the worst days of his life after that incident at Ozzie's, Blitz decided that he needed to get some air on Earth but it didn't look right Blitz decided to enter the portal but in doing so he accidentally trapped himself there. With...
