Tucker: Let me get this straight. You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't even a guy at all? That he was a chick? And on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?
Ghost Church: In a nutshell yes. That's an excellent summary. But let ME get this straight! We had a recruit and she's the DAMN DAUGHTER OF THE MASTER CHIEF?!?!?!
Tucker: Adopted daughter but yes.
Caboose: I should have known Tex is a woman. She didn't like me. Girls NEVER like me.
Tucker: Pauline seemed nice to you though.
Caboose: Okay scratch that. Girls EXCEPT for Pauline never like me.
Tucker: There we go, Rookie but except for her I don't think anyone likes you.
Caboose: I like me.
Tucker: I don't think I've ever seen a girl that mean before. Cocky, and talkative sure that's what Pauline is but are you sure Tex is a chick? And not a guy? Or like...part guy, part shark?
Ghost Church: I'm pretty sure I would know if Tex was a guy. And I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark.
Caboose: Wait, wait, wait...if she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?
Ghost Church: Uh...because she's from Texas.
*a long silence starts*
Ghost Church: Trust me, it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault, to begin with.
Tucker: Right. You should blame God first he makes hangovers, and now, half-woman, half-sharks that won't sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!
Ghost Church: Will you shut up with that?! Uh, God, I wish that the other Rookie was here then I would have someone to beat the shit out off!!!
*Tucker and Caboose were very shocked*
Ghost Church: She-
Meanwhile
*Gold is explaining some things to Blitz and Lilith before interrogating Tex*
Gold: -Got recruited into an experimental program called Project Freelancer and on one fateful day I would meet her then she offered me a spot on Project Freelancer...she got an A.I. called Omega and then she got very pissed off at times.
Lilith: interesting story but how do you regenerate with your armor back on?
Gold: Nano-Tech helps me pop back with my limbs with my armor instantly.
Lilith: Neat!
Gold: Yeah well- *notices Blitz ain't here* wait where's Blitz?
Meanwhile
*Blitz is on top of Tex with a really seductive tone*
Blitz: [seductive] Hey bitch~!
Tex: Sup.
*then the door opens making Tex and Blitz shocked as hell*
Gold: What the fuck?
Lilith: Oh boy...say the two of you wouldn't mind if I got training from the two of you also right?
Blitz: Nah we don't mind.
Meanwhile
Caboose: [thoughtful] A.I. What's the A stand for?
Ghost Church: Artificial.
Caboose: What's the I-
Ghost Church: Intelligence.
Caboose: Ohhhhhhhhhh...what was the A again?
Ghost Church: Let's move on.
Tucker: So...the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer, but underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?
Ghost Church: Oh hell-
Meanwhile
*Gold is explaining things to Lilith and Blitz while Tex is still there*
Gold: -Yes she always had some sweet spots underneath that steal in fact she always had a sweet spot for me and for people she cares about.
Tex: [seductive] Yeah even for little Imps like you Blitz~.
Blitz: [thinking] Wow this is going so damn well.
Gold: Anyway I got myself an A.I. but she's kinda in a deep sleep.
Lilith: Like Sleeping Beauty?
Gold: Yeah but back to Allison, she's a keeper.
Back with Blues
Ghost Church: So how are you doing, Caboose? Are you following this whatsoever?
Caboose: I think so. That guy Tex... is really a robot... and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot.
Ghost Church: Yeah. That's right. I'm a gay robot.
Meanwhile
*Pauline is fully awake with Sarge, Grif, Simmons, and Lopez interrogating her*
Pauline: Wow... this will be easy.
Grif: SO. You're a girl, huh?
Pauline: Yeah and... *suddenly she kicks each of the Reds' asses without a problem so fast that you can't see her even fighting* All of you are idiots. *suddenly she trips knocking her out somehow as the Reds stand up*
Grif: [recovering] Asshole.
Meanwhile with the rest of the Reds
*Blitz and Gold are getting coffee while Lilith and Tex are waiting*
Tex: So um... two girls hanging out... you wanna set some buildings on fire?
*Suddenly a huge hit in Lilith's brain activates causing her to cover her ears and shrivel in pain Tex notices this and tries to make her forget it*
Tex: No I'm just joking! I'm joking...
Lilith: *sighs* Thanks...
Tex: Man so you're Gold's girlfriend? You're not bad and I heard that he will be giving training to you and maybe I could help.
Lilith: Wow thanks... so how did Gold get recruited into Project Freelancer?
Tex: He told you huh?
Lilith: Yeah.
Tex: Ask him he knows it better than me.
Lilith: Thanks... I wanna have sex with him later.
Tex: Same goes for Blitz.
Meanwhile
Ghost Church: Well don't worry, because I have a great plan on how to rescue Tex cause the Author made me come up with it.
*Author: OH GOD THEY'RE SENSITIVE!!*
Tucker: A plan? Thanks, Author but a plan? Oh, man, I hate plans. That means we have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy or a mission statement?
Ghost Church: I just need you guys to run a distraction while I spring Tex.
Caboose: Distraction? Heh... that sounds a lot like "decoy."
Ghost Church: The way I see it, the Reds have absolutely no idea how many Freelancers we have out here. So all I need from you two is to run around in the middle of the canyon wearing black armor while I sneak in the back of the base.
Tucker: Sounds good. But Church, where the hell are we gonna get two suits of black armor?
*They both look at the teleporter that made Tucker's suit black*
Tucker: Oh, fuckberries.
To be Continued
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Red vs Blue with one Helluva Visitor: Blood Gulch Chronicles
FanfictionBlitz was having the worst days of his life after that incident at Ozzie's, Blitz decided that he needed to get some air on Earth but it didn't look right Blitz decided to enter the portal but in doing so he accidentally trapped himself there. With...
