As...Her

5. The beginning

"what do you mean?..i don't see anyone here."

"He was here ...just at 10 steps...i felt the vibes...fuck! What am i suppose to do now?"

"First..calm down and who is he?? Tell me ...forget it..for now.. let's go, he must be around the corner". She held my hand and dragged me out of the studios. But no was there. Just empty corridors.

"Leave it...he won't be this easy to reach. We have a long way. I know I'm gonna meet him but not yet. Tell Ragini to handle today's shoot. I'll be back."

With that i left the department and headed straight to the college terrace. No one goes there expect me and shine. It's a good spot to clear your head. I don't know what got into me but as i reached at terrace i lost it. I was crying... Yes! Crying like a baby. It was hard to know where these tears were coming from. Don't know for how long i cried...my lungs started suffocating. My hands were shaking. As if years of frustration was waiting for this moment to be out. I supressed my mouth so that my cries won't be heard. But it is hard.

"Mist... breathe yaar... Come on what's wrong with you?" Shine was here that's means time must have passed and i'm still crying. She patted my shoulder and tears started again.

"It...hurrts....what do..i..i do???..why it has to be me?? Just why??

"It's okay..just let it out...you'll be fine."

At last i got hold on me...we walked down the terrace. When i checked the mirror...a defeated women with swollen...tired eyes looked back. As if a strong strom has passed. But she knew that it was just the beginning.

*********************************************

I remember walking home. But How i reached no idea. My feets must have dragged me home i guess. I was like a zombie. Who was just walking. I was about to drink water when floor spined and black out.
People were muttering around me. I opened my eyes and a needle was stuck in my hands... great my nightmare i was in hospital. IV stuck in my hand. I didn't opened my eyes...why?? because if i did i have to answer...that i wanted to avoid.
Around noon doctor paid visit and he said i was looking pale and i have to avoid stress. Otherwise all was good.
But who will tell the doctor that ... nothing is good. These fluids can heal the body but what about...My soul..that was getting sucked by a black hole. I wanted to scream...hurt anyone ...just kill someone or anything. But my hands were locked. My tongue was sealed.
I know these symptoms...how?? Because who else will?? Afterall I've got me at the end.
My depression was back along with panic attacks. So i decided what i have to do...
After 10pm when everyone was sleeping i just clenched my hand into fist the very same in which Iv needle was stuck. The needle was pushed up due to force. Since i have been to hospital countless time i knew how these things work. And within 5 min i could feel the air passing in my veins directly along with a pain..that felt good. And i closed my eyes...so that i can sleep peacefully..with a smile on my lips and for the last time just picturing ross. And tear rolled out my eyes . Misty waiting for the mist to lull her to eternal sleep. With last words..."Thanks for Showing Up"...