(unedited)
SIMPHIWE SHANDU THE HUSBAND
CHAPTER 35
JELE
End-stage lung disease occurs when your lungs are unable to adequately remove carbon dioxide or supply your body with the oxygen it needs. End-stage lung disease can be caused by a variety of diseases.
“Fatigue and disturbed sleep are common as lung disease progresses. Fatigue may be due to a combination of anxiety, depression, poor sleep, and low-calorie intake. Lack of sleep may also be caused by symptoms, such as breathlessness, pain, and coughing, which disturbs sleep. Which one do you get to experience the most.?” the doctor asks me. I am not there. I don’t even care about that. I just asked him to tell me how much time is left in me.
“Everything Doc. How long can you live with lung damage?” I ask. The more I ask these questions the more I fail to think that in a few years I will be underground being chowed by ants. The doctor sighs and takes his gloves off.
“Between three to five years. There are patients who live less than three years after diagnosis, and others who live much longer. In this case since I have been your doctor for years. You have lived the longest in all times. Did you send the report to the hospital like I asked you to? Still waiting for the feedback and it's what, two, three years.”
“I don’t want to sue them. I just want to rest in peace.” I respond. What good will they do me? honestly. My life is on the line and I don't have time to fight battles.
“You seem to forget that, that explosion in that LAB was the cause of your lungs failing. It's over and above control now and they should compensate you.”
“Compensate me?” I chuck shaking mt head. I think I have heard enough from this doctor. Being with him in this room for more than an hour is a drag for me. I just feel my world closing. I just want to go home and be with Nozi. I stand up but the dizziness gets ahold of me. I sit down and hold my spinning head.
“Everything alright?” he asks.
“Just a bit dizzy.” I respond taking a deep breathe. The sharp chest pains come and go. And right now, I feel the worst of them. My feet feel numb and my knees are wobbly.
“And you think you will drive in that state?” He asks. I keep quiet. He is right. I can't drive when my vision is this bad. I don't want to scare Nozi either. I have no one to call. I sigh taking my phone out of my pocket. My vision instantly becomes blank. I drop my phone by mistake on the floor due to shock. Panic.
“Lay down, you will feel better later after some time.” The doctor helps me to lay on my back. Everything is just moving around in circles.
“I feel like throwing up.” I can hear him fidgeting with things.
“Get up and drink this. I think I should call someone to fetch you. You are not in a good state to drive and also, I can't keep you overnight because the is basically nothing that I can be able to do at this point. I'm sorry.” he tells me. I know he cannot do anything for me this moment. He tried all he could for all these years.
“Call Nozi.”
“The same Nozi you dot want finding out?”
“I will tell her today.” I respond. I have no other option but to share what I am going through. It might be tough on her but I know she is a strong girl, she will put the mask on and focus in life. I trust her with everything. Good thing everything is under her name, no matter what happens, my child will be covered and well taken care of.
I don't know when we got home. My vision is now back. I have been out since we left the hospital. I am failing to breathe. My chest is wheezing so painfully.
“Would you be able to walk on your own?” I know she cares a lot but I don't want to see her hurt by my sickness or even see her stressing.
“I will try.” I lie. How will I walk when I am unable to feel my legs?
“You have the rollator walking frame.” She steps out of the car and opens the boot. I never knew that someday in my life I would become this useless. I sigh taking a deep breathe. She opens the door and helps me out. My feet are not that strong.
“I can stand on my own!” I snap. Not that i am angry with her but I am angry at the fact that I am just useless. She lets go of my waist and steps aside. I try moving my legs but they just seem to be stuck for some reason.
“Dammit!” I hiss in anger. If god is punishing me for some doings, I know none of, I humbly apologize and chose only him. Nozi comes to the rescue and pushes me through till I am seated on the bed in our bedroom.
“I will bring a basin for you to wash your hands.” She disappears out of sight and indeed comes with a basin filled with water and a towel on er shoulders.
“Wash your hands so that you could eat.” she instructs. I can't read her mins and I don't know where she is at this moment. I don't have appetite but I don't want to be finding myself in the naughty corner – with the spoon being shoved down my throat like Zuri. It's always a fight between these two and I will never understand. Is this how she will feed my child? I am now afraid for my cub.
“Babe, please. Do not over feed my child.” I find myself saying it out loud. She looks at me with a frown on her face.
“Huh?”
“I am saying, once you give birth. Do not overfeed my child.” I repeat.
“So, I am now known as a food feeder?”
“And a bully.” She smiles and walks out with the basin. What did I say. She is yet back again with a plate occupying her hands. I swear Nozi doesn't want to see me happy. She sits next to me and hands me the plate.
"Eat before I help you." what did I say!
At least I did manage to swallow the food down my throat without gagging and suffocating. I am wide awake in the middle of the night. I do not recognize the person I have become. I am changing and I can see that my life is slowly depleting from this world. I take a deep breath and hold Nozi from behind. I caress on her stomach; I fell those kicks. Whenever I touch her stomach, those hard kicks take place. More like she is happy that I am here and available. I feel my tears jumping out at the corner of my eyes. Nozi will lose me just right after she has found happiness. I kiss her shoulder. What if this was God’s doing? What if it was a test... I don’t want to think about it. As long as Nozi is still right here with me at the moment. I am not troubled about tomorrow. I grab my phone remembering something important. I don't know why I have suddenly developed a trust in him but somehow, I do. I send a quick text for a meet up and I just hope he agrees to it. It's nothing serious, just me wanting to iron things out. I don't know what lies I am going to tell Nozi about my where about but I think it will be safer to say that I have an appointment. Hope she will not gate crash my ‘appointment’ and want to know what is really going on only to find out that I am not even at the hospital to begin with.
