SIMPHIWE SHANDU THE HUSBAND
CHAPTER 41
BAGQIBILE
If Simphiwe thinks I am going to sit around and mop for him. He has another thing coming. It’s time I truly moved on. I know I have been singing those words ever since I was pregnant. It’s time I got to pick up the pieces of my life and know what I truly want. I think back on the last few months, the first of many to be spent without him. It's crazy realizing that I haven't been a part of them at all. I sometimes still find it difficult to accept that this is the way things are going to be — not just between us, but for me. It's difficult accepting that I will have to continue living this life, living with the choices that I've made and am unable to take back. It's difficult for me to explain the exact state I've found myself in. These are uncharted waters. Once you were the lighthouse that guided me to shore, making me feel safe and certain knowing where I can find a home, but that light no longer shines. At least, not for me. Is it weird if I say I'm OK with that? It feels weird thinking it, but it's true. I'm not happy about it. I'm not sad about it. I'm OK with it. And I think that's the most I can ask for at the moment. The hardest part is accepting that I never meant to him what he meant to me...
“Nurse, I have been calling for some time now. Are you okay?” The doctor asks me scanning my face with a worried look on his face.
“Yes, just thinking about my boring sad life.” I respond taking a deep breath. My life is just a roller coaster, and I am basically allowing it. How stupid can one be?
“I am sorry to hear that. I am still waiting for my answer Miss.” This doctor has been asking me out for some time now and seriously. I am not in the mood for a relationship.
“Can I still think about it?”
“You have been thinking about it for months now. A man can't wait for that long.” he is cute. But I will not be carried by his lies and deceit. Once they taste the forbidden fruit everything turns South. Simphiwe taught me the hard way.
“So, you are basically rejecting my offer?” He is so calm.
“I’m sorry.” He nods his head understanding and walks away leaving me standing. Am I wrong to down a dinner date. I have just recently met him, and I can't just jump whenever he tells me to. Sigh! I need to attend to that patient before I forget. Just wait to knock off. My heart is no longer here.
“Time for you medication Mah.” I wake the woman up. She suffered a mild stroke but luckily, it's not a server one.
“When am I going home?” she asks sitting straight up.
“The doctors will tell you shortly. But you are fine now.” She smiles a bit and gulps down her medication.
“Thank you.” I nod my head. I leave the old woman to rest. I need some time to myself. I don’t know why I am suddenly emotional. I miss Sizile and her innocent smile. I try calling Nqobile – guess she must be still sleeping she is not picking up. It’s morning after all.
My day is just dull and boring. When I knock off, it will be the same routine. Cook, bath and sleep. I don’t even watch television. I just become tired and all I think of is just sleep. At least it's now knock off time. Night shifts have never been my favorite, really. They just put me off my mood. I so wish to mend things with my family. I miss them. But what my father did really hurt me. He was too focused on loving my sister and her kids, forgetting that I needed him too. I made mistakes yes, but I have learnt from them. Family do come first – I can't really turn their back on them if I wanted to. When I get home, the first thing I will do is to call my mother. I have missed her voice so much. Maybe she might be delighted to see Sizi.
“Need a ride?” the very same doctor asks me. I am standing outside the gate with other nurses waiting for a taxi. He cannot ask only me. What if he gets to cut my throat somewhere in a ditch. I have a baby that needs and aa family – even though we are facing family issues. I will not fall for his tricks – they will not work for me.
“No, thank you.” I say. I hear the lady's gasp.
“Mina I would kill to be in that ride.” says one.
“Doc, can you leave me up the rank?” Mandisa the forward one. She is already flirting with him.
“Get in, I'll drop you by.” See what I mean. He was too easy to give her a lift. Mandisa takes the front seat with all smiles. The car drives off. I am pretty damn sure they will pass by his place and shag.
“He is gone. Don’t say I did not warn you. Maybe this was your soulmate – who knows. Not all men are trash. Keep that in mind.” One of the nurses say. The taxi comes along, and we all get in. I decide to isolate myself and just sit at the back. I keep thinking about her words and I must say – she might be right. I have been playing hard to get for months and the poor man never backed down. For Simphiwe, I was an easy target. It yes in whatever he vomited from his mouth. Simphiwe easily manipulated me, and I feel for it. The more I think about my stupidity the more I become mad at myself.
