Just the typical sad marvel thing /Peter

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Peter's pov:
"Hey, Steve" "Hi kid. Did you- are you okay?" Oh shit. I realize that I must look pretty bad. I immediately wipe the tears and put my shaking hands into my pocket. I know he's gonna see that one bruise next to my eye but I can't do anything about it now. "Hey. You don't have to hide it. You can tell me." he says. "No, I'm really fine. But thanks, Steve." I smile. He just looks over me and then a small sad smile appears on his face. "Okay then, but just know that I'm here and you can talk to me" I nod. "Uhh, I just wanted to check on you actually. I feel like something is not okay so please talk to me if you feel bad." He says as he's looking at my bruise next to my eye and I see him searching for more. I just stand there, I don't say anything. After he's done he looks me in my eyes and asks "Peter. Are you actually okay?" I feel my pulse going faster. I know he saw a lot that he shouldn't have seen and he knows that I'm not okay. I should tell him. "You don't have to explain but at least tell me the truth." "Uhm" I feel my voice shaking badly. I try to swallow my tears but instead they become harder to hold back. I'm not able to say anything now so I just shake my head no. "But like very bad?" Steve asks concerned. I hesitate a little but nod yes. And as I do I feel the tears in the corner of my eye. Steve sighs and stretches his arms out for a hug. I look up at him with my teary eyes and he says "Come here. It's okay. You can cry." I hug him. I never actually saw him hug anyone like this. I feel so safe and comfortable in his hug, I feel the tension slowly leaving my body and as it does, I start crying. Muffled cries come out of our hug as I cry into his jumper. He holds me and hugs me tighter as my cries are getting louder. After a few minutes, I calm down and stop crying. I pull away from the hug and notice the actual tear puddle on his sweater. I immediately start apologizing and rubbing it with my hands, trying to make it disappear. "It's okay, kid. Don't worry" he says. Then I step back and see him crying. His eyes are teary and glossy. I made him cry? "Oh, I'm so sorry Steve. I didn't want to ruin your night I'm sorry." "Kid. Shh. Stop. It's okay. I'm so glad you talked to me and you gave it out. It felt like you needed someone to cry on. It's really okay." He smiles. "Get some rest now. You need it, Peter." Then goes away as I go into my room.

I made him cry. I ruined his day and night. I destroyed his sweater. I made him feel bad. Why did I do that? It's my fault. I shouldn't have told him. I did this. I made Mr. Stark feel bad and I made Bucky and Steve feel horrible today. I'm terrible. It's my fault. It's my fault.

Overthinking is back again. I had a little peace but of course, it had to be back. I didn't even wipe the tears from my eyes. I go back to the bathroom and open the cabinet. I find the blades all scattered over everything. I collect them and make I'm sure I've got them all. 16, and a random price of glass. Overthinking has gone worse and it's too loud now, I can't even stop crying for a minute. I grab one and without thinking, with my thoughts telling me to do it, I push it pretty deep into my arm. I cry so hard but try to keep it as silent as I can. I see the blood running down my arm. It's several deep cuts and I'm sitting on my own puddle of blood now. It's pretty bad but I don't care. I'm so angry at myself. I keep crying and self-harming. I reach that point where I cry so much that I throw up. Then I'm just very tired so I sleep in on the floor in my blood while crying.