Just the typical sad marvel thing /Peter

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Bucky's pov:
I'm really worried about Tony now. I found the lighter in his bathroom, that I took from him. How long has he had it? How much did he self-harm? How didn't I notice it? "Show me." "Why? It's already done, you can't do anything with it," Tony says. "Just show me, let me take care of it, please," I say. Tony sighs but pulls up his sleeves. He frowns as he pulls the fabric over them and is really careful with it so I expect bad things. I see the burns on his forearms and wrists. They are still bleeding. They look horrible. "It's really bad, Tony," I say it out loud too. After a little while, I say, "How did-" "You were passed out when Matthew beat up Peter. I accidentally saw it and took it," he cuts into my words. I'm kind of scared to ask this but I have to, "Do you have anything else on other parts of your body?" Tony just nods. I wait for an answer from him, "On my leg, but it's almost healed," he says. I'm sad to find out about it now, I could've helped him. "I'm sorry... I wasn't here," I say sadly. "Don't blame yourself, you didn't know." "Did you clean it?" I say pointing to his arm. "No..." he sighs, "I don't want to." "Can I... please, help you with that?" I ask. He waits before answering, thinking or hesitating on what to say. He finally says, "Sorry, but no... I don't want to clean it." At first, I thought he meant he'll clean it and he just doesn't want me to clean it. Now he says, he, himself won't even clean it. "Tony, it could get infected, you have to clean it!" "I don't really care Bucky..." "Tony, no. You have-" I try but he's still very upset. "And you know why?? Because that kid there, WHO JUST TRIED TO TAKE HIS OWN LIFE," he's shouting and half crying, "He needs to be okay and he's way more important to me than anything. AND STILL... HE FELT SO BAD, TO THINK THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY!" He pauses."I didn't pay attention to him and didn't help him." Tony is crying again, I see the panic starting again. "It's my fault, I deserved it," his voice breaks. As he's sitting he rests his head on his arms as he cries silently. His right leg starts to shake and he blows air out shakily.

I have to do something because if I don't, he'll have another bad panic attack. "Look at me, Tony." He shakes his head no. "I don't care if you're crying, look at me, please," I say. He lifts his head and I see his red eyes and the tears on his face. He wipes the tears with his shaky hands and I see he's starting to breathe faster. "Breathe, breathe with me," I breathe slowly, and deeply. "Through your nose, out on your mouth, come on." He tries but on the third failed try he breaks down again and he's not crying silently now. "Tony, listen to me, listen, please. You know, you've done this before. I know it's a little childish but it works." He lifts his head again, looking at me. "I want you to find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste." He breathes shakily once more and starts saying the things. "Uhm... I-I see my desk, paper on it, uhh... the door, my blanket, and Potts's picture." He breathes deep as he finishes the list. "Yes. That's it, go on." He says all the other things and by the end, he's calmed down, just his leg shaking. "See, you're okay," I say, "he'll be okay." He just nods. "Wait, I'll bring you some water."

I go down to the kitchen and I'm about to pour water into a glass when Nat starts speaking from behind me. "Oh Bucky, uhm, just wanted to find you and let you know Peter's in a stable condition, he'll wake up in a few hours, possibly in the morning." "That's very good, thanks Nat," I say. "Where were you by the way?" she asks. I don't know if I should tell her about Tony's panic attack. I decide to tell her about the water and then see if she asks more, "I'm just getting some water up to Tony." "Tony? What happened?" "He just got really worried about Peter..." "Did he have a panic attack again?" she asks. Again? What does she mean by this? How does she even know? "You know about it?" I ask surprised. "Yes, I helped him a couple of times, a few years ago." Tony never told me, this surprised me now. But I'm glad he had help when I wasn't there. "I didn't know, sorry. But yes he did, but he's okay now." "I'm glad you're there for him, but know I'm here if you need help with him," she says and she leaves the kitchen. I fill the glass up with water and take it to Tony.

I get back to Tony, he's looking out the window, it's dark outside, around midnight. So the cold air comes inside the room. I think this will help Tony calm down. I give him the water and make sure he's okay and won't panic again. "Good news, Tony," I tell him. He looks up at me. "Peter is stable and will wake up tomorrow. Nat just told me" He smiles tiredly. "That's so good I'm really happy" he says. I tell him to go and sleep cause he must be tired after all this. And that he should come and wake me up if he feels bad again. Before leaving his room, I grab his lighter but make sure he doesn't see me taking it with me. I say goodnight to him and decide to go and check on Peter before going to sleep. I go down to the Med. I thought no one would be there, considering that it was 1 am. But Bruce is still there, quietly packing his stuff. "Hey Bruce," I greet him. "Bucky? What are you doing here? It's past 1 am." "Couldn't sleep so I thought I would check what's going on here," I say. Even though I lied and didn't tell him about Tony, it's true, I know I won't be able to sleep after all this. "Well, he's okay, he'll probably wake up tomorrow... it's just so sad, knowing what he's done and the fact that he even jumped. It wasn't like he backed out of it. He actually wanted to..." he stops here, but we both know what he wanted to say. "I'm so glad you were there." "Yes, me too," I say sadly. After a couple of minutes, Bruce leaves and I go to my room after I stay a little alone with Peter.