the hollands ; reader imagines

Listen until the end || H.H.

Pairing: Harry Holland x reader

Warnings: angst, coarse language, low mental health

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A simple word that brought you to the most distressing feeling of rejection you have ever felt. Curled up against the wall of your room, lying on the bed, with your head on your knees, you were sobbing while trying the worst possible scenarios in this situation.

Your work has taken a lot of energy these days, so you were looking for comfort anywhere you could find it. You felt that your mental health was dropping drastically and you clung to the few people who could give you the attention you deserved. Or that you thought you deserved. Yet it seemed that your boyfriend was establishing a distance between you that was gnawing at your insides. His face was cold, his thoughts often vague when you spoke to him. You felt the annoyance and gradually, a ditch opened.

Harry was, however, the most thoughtful kind of boyfriend, sending you flowers for your birthday, in anticipation of the party he would organize for you. Inviting you to the restaurant simply for the pleasure of going out... a simple walk would put balm in your heart both. But this was different.

The opportunity had presented itself for your circle of friends to meet for dinner at Harrison and his girlfriend's. And you had to admit that, despite your mental health inflicting you a social anguish, you were relieved to be able for a moment, to enjoy an evening in all normality.

Dating Harry Holland involved dating a number of people whose popularity was overwhelming. He himself drew a lot of eyes. Dating Harry Holland meant accepting that your life would be scrutinized in every detail and pinned on the shelf of the web. Thus, photos of you, whose existence you had totally forgotten, were found scattered on the internet, aggreminted by a multitude of comments ranging from simple: "who is she ?!?" to "look at me this bitch, she doesn't deserve it". Harry Holland was put on a pedestal for many individuals, mainly female, and who had a particular look at your boyfriend's brother: Tom.

That's why you decided to distance yourself from social media, like Tom did and Harry did. It was your boyfriend who had strongly advised you after having many times comforted you following untimely attacks by the Holland fan community. Your friends had at first believed that he was meticulously distancing you from them but you had argued so that they would learn the real reason: people could be obnoxious on the internet, masked by the smoke screen that was anonymity.

So it was obvious that a touch of normalcy would do you great good. Meeting your loved ones and exchanging platitudes with them would raise your spirits where your Harry was unable to do so now.

But you didn't think that your need for attention would be as painful for your boyfriend. And as you were getting ready to bring him a new beer, while he was talking on the patio with Tom, you overheard a conversation that tore your heart out.

"You don't understand, Tom. No matter what I do, she's sticky and boring. I don't know what to do."

There was a little pause during which you held your breath.

"Try to distance yourself from all this, Baz. It can't be that bad."

"That's what I'm already doing, Tom. You don't understand, I want to throw it all away. It breaks my balls and I'm getting sick of it.

You didn't wait a second longer to swallow your tears. You knew that Harry's colourful vocabulary had always been loaded, he generally did not mince words. But hearing them in a conversation where you were the subject was the most heart-wrenching thing you've ever experienced. You shook Tuwaine in the way of your running, he stopped you the minute he heard your voice crack in your painful excuse to leave, sniffing shamefully.