Cigarettes and Daydreams (Erudite Series #1)

Wakas

"Ahia, I thought you wanted to be an analyst of some sort?" Kenneth, my younger brother, asked me one morning after I told my parents I'd go to med school.

"The wind blew me in a different direction, Neth." Sagot ko habang papasok sa kwarto.

It surely did. Even if I didn't want to be blown this way, I forced myself to be since this was what my parents would want. It would make them happy and content. Kenneth isn't going to law school or med school, he wanted to be a professional basketball player. I was the eldest—it was natural to expect me to be a doctor or lawyer, of course.

"Ahia!" narinig ko ang pagkatok ng bunsong kapatid ko, kaya mula sa pag-aayos ng mga kailangang papeles para sa enrollment sa UPM, napatayo ako.

"What are you doing? Mama said it's dinner time," dumungaw siya at tinignan ang desk ko. "Fixing some papers, Shoti. I'll go down in a bit."

"Can I wait for you?" just like always, he made a way to stay longer than necessary. I didn't know why he was so fond of my room, though.

I opened the door wider and let him in. He poked some of my stuff and even opened a book. I often gave him books to read because he was a bibliophile. I think he got it from Papa. I read books, but not as much as Shoti did. Usually, all he ever did was read books. On some occasions, he'd play Xbox with Kenneth or me.

"Ahia," I heard him as I put my papers in a brown long envelope. "I recently read a book about thinking," I faced him after placing the envelope below my stack of old books.

"And?" I urged him to continue. "Well, it's kind of complicated, but it said that people do the things they hate because that's what usually makes other people happy."

Tinabihan ko siya. "Okay, and what do you think about it?" I knew he liked this, this prompt of some sort for his brain to work and give his own opinion. Curious kid.

"I think it's sad... and painful."

"Why do you think so?"

"Because it's like you're abandoning yourself for others. Wouldn't that bring you to feel resentment later on for others whom you're trying to make happy?"

Before I could say a response to his astounding and chilling words, Mama came into my room.

"Wesley, I told you to call your brother, not stay here. Come on, kayo na lang ang hinihintay." Mama took Shoti's hand and led him down.

Shoti's words were more powerful than I thought because as I studied the human body, I felt like I was losing fragments of myself day by day. Natural science was never my strong suit and it showed. On. Every. Damn. Quiz. Every day.

I mean, I actually pass, but by my standards, I was in a very shitty place.

"Ahia, it's dinner time." During my second year, Shoti called me while I was reading dancing letters. "Can you ask the maid to bring me food here? Thanks."

I turned a page and opened my red highlighter, but then my youngest brother suddenly poked my back—making me highlight in a zigzag way. I faced Shoti, he was pouting and looking like he had hurt himself and he wanted me to mend whatever hurt.

"Why?" he took a tissue from my desk and wiped under my nose. Kinuha ko 'yon mula sa kanya at nakitang dumudugo na pala ang ilong ko.

"Eat with us, you haven't been at the dining table for two days now." Nagtatampo ang boses niya, kaya naman nakonsensya ako at sumang-ayon.

Frankly, I felt like Shoti was the only person who genuinely understood why I pushed myself. He was a kid. A child. A developing being who understood my complexities. And he was amazing, it was why I loved him. His lack of knowledge of my dilemma was consoling.